I can do it!!!

What can I do you ask?
Well.... Whatever I want.
OK, so quick update... Homeschooling actually went fairly well. It could have been a whole lot better. I'm not ruling it out in the future, but it's not for us right now. There are just too many other things I'm trying to juggle. I'm back in school (again). I guess I'm going for nursing. I'm not really sure, to be honest. I think I'd be good at it, and I think I'd enjoy it. I'm just discouraged by how long it will take. The program itself will take 2 years, but I have SO MUCH biology to catch up on before I can get there.
Also, I'm on a quest. I want to be healthier. I need to be healthier. I've gone back and forth about how to do it. I think I've got a good routine going now. In fact, part of the reason I'm blogging again is so I can keep up with my progress, maybe (hopefully) encourage someone else, and be my own cheerleader. So, yeah, there are going to be posts about that. But no before poictures. At least not until I have some awesome after pics to share :)
I'm gonna TRY to post every day. But, between the job hunt, school,being a mom, and keeping up with this house, I make no promises. (And really, we should know this by now)

'Sup

Hi. It's me again. I have little eyes looking over my shoulder reading as I type and giggling because I'm typing about him.
New stuff... Where to start?
I got hurt at work. As a result, I was unable to retest for my certification, so I am not longer certified and no longer employed. We are doing ok for now. I have a few money making things in the works.
But, for now, and hopefully the future, I'm staying home. Which means we are doing the homeschool thing. Starting after Christmas Break, Wyatt will be dealing with me. (Insert horror movie soundtrack music here.)
I have lots to type. Ellie has been in the hospital twice since my last update. (4 days the first time, 6 the next). Apparently her early entrance into the world gave her a less than stellar immune system.

What a difference a few months makes...

So the last time I posted I was planning a scheduled delivery.

Wow.

Ellie is 9 months old now, toddling around. My delivery was anything but scheduled. I went into spontaneous labor 3 weeks early, and after making little progress (thanks to my not so amazing cervix) I had a C-section. During the section they discovered my uterus had ruptured. Surprise! So it's a blessing that I didn't deliver vaginally.

I'm still single, but dating. That's an adventure I'd rather not be on. I mean, I just want to be settled. I don't like the excitement of going out. I want to curl up on the couch with someone. I want to know there's stability and I want to feel loved. I want to love someone else.

The kids are awesome. Ellie is toddling around. She's getting into everything. She's very aware of what NO means. Wyatt stayed on the A Honor Roll all year last year. I thought about homeschooling (again) but I just don't have the time for it. So he will go to private school. His teacher told me she didn't have any way to challenge him last year. Not what I wanted to hear!

I'm working full time as an EMT. I love my job. I love what I do. 

So that's the bare bones of it. I will try to update more frequently. (I know, we've all heard that before) I have some crafty stuff I want to do, and I may post about that. (I have a girl. I can make BOWS)

The all important hospital bag

I've seen so many blogs about what people are packing in their hospital bags (How did we survive before Pinterest?) I felt I just had to contribute my own.

Now, keep in mind that I will have a scheduled induction so they can make sure I have all my clotting medications before labor, and will probably stay an extra day because of the bleeding disorder.

I won't be packing an outfit for me to go home in, I'm just gonna wear the same thing I came in. (The joys of scheduled deliveries) I'm planning to wear a tshirt and exercise capris. Sooo super comfy.

• Coming home outfit for Ellie (one in Preemie, one in Newborn. I have small babies)
• Blanket that Wyatt picked out for Ellie
• sports bras for me (hopefully I can find nursing ones before then)
• Baby's First Year journal so I can document emotional stuff while it's fresh (I love it, it has writing prompts so when my brain is mush from lack of sleep...)
• Gift from Ellie to Wyatt
• Picture of Wyatt
• notepad and pen for any questions I may have
• Uno (Wyatt's favorite card game. When he visits, I want to try to make a few minutes just for him)
• Toiletries in travel sized bottles
• lotion
• camera
• a pair of underwear to come home in (I am so using the disposable ones in the hospital.)
• flip flops, so when I get out of bed I can slide them on. Might bring 2 pairs, one just for the shower
• Hairbrush, headband, ponytail holder
• drink packets...I hate plain water
• iPod and speakers
• Phone charger
• tablet and charger
• my own pillow (with a dark case so it stands out)

So there it is. The all important hospital bag list. I might add to it, but I think that covers everything. 

So much...where to begin?

I still struggle with how honest I want to be in my blog. Well, let me rephrase that. What I post is always honest. I guess I mean that I struggle with how much to share. I have no shame, and really don't see the sense in hiding anything, but at the same time I don't want my personal fears to get all twisted, or made to be something other people can laugh over. Just a random thought before my real post.

So, tonight begins a new adventure for me. Our church is starting a new (for us) program on Wednesday nights. We're changing to Journey Kids. I've been asked to be one of three group leaders for the 4th grade girls' class. I'm a little nervous. I don't know that I'm the right person to lead ANYONE spiritually. But after a lot of prayer, I do feel that it's the place I should be right now. I'm definitely nervous about it, but so happy that the Children's Ministry leader at my church felt it was something I can do. There are a lot of guidelines to follow, so that's helpful. I'm still crazy nervous though!

There's been a lot going on with Wyatt lately. He's not adjusting to all the changes nearly as well as I had originally thought. Last night some things came to light, and I'm not proud of how I had been handling things prior to that. Needless to say, some of the things he told me have me wanting to be a much better mom. I'm going to his school today to speak with his guidance counselor. I didn't realize how stressed the poor kiddo was. I can't change how anything's happened leading up to now, I can only change how they are from here out. And believe me, I'm changing them! I definitely need to make him a bigger priority. I mean, he's ALWAYS my biggest priority, but lately I haven't really shown it. I've been so tired and cranky, and it's really affected him. So now we have a family rule that for a minimum of half hour on weekdays we are doing something together that doesn't involve technology. Playing catch, board games, reading, whatever. Sounds so simple, right? Well, oddly enough, that hasn't so much happened. We are also going to be eating dinner at the table together EVERY night. And we're going back to "unplugging" on Sundays. No technology, just family. I think I've let him forget how important he really is to me. After a little scare we had last night, I can't let that happen again. And I won't. I'm just glad everything came to light before it got too late. If I can take anything away from this, it's not to take your kids for granted. Just because they seem to be dealing with things well, doesn't always mean they are. Not my proudest Mommy moment, but there it is.

Yeah yeah

It's been a while. Life happens, ya know?
So, here I am now, posting again. I really do go back and forth about whether I ever want to post because there are people who I know use some of the things in my writings against me, or as fodder for gossip, so I really find myself not being as open as I'd like. And if I'm not being open, what's the point of this stupid thing to begin with? I don't want to make my blog invite only, because, well, I'm awesome, and I want people to find me. Honestly, after all the infertility mess, I know how nice it was to find a kindred spirit in the World Wide Web. It's my hope that somehow some of the stuff I wrote about will help someone else through their stuff.
Anyway, clearly I've decided to start posting again. Know what? I'm me. If you don't like it, or you wanna use it against me, then that's on you. I will forewarn you...my blog is going to be taking on a whole new spin in the realm of single parenting because (drum roll please)
I'm pregnant. 31 weeks today. Yup. Go figure. And, I'm still single. I can pick 'em, right? The situation sucks, but I firmly, absolutely, wholeheartedly believe that EVERY baby is a blessing. And after all the aforementioned infertility crap, I'm completely over the moon. Scared a little, sure, but I can do this single mom thing. Been there, done that. I certainly didn't plan for this to happen, but I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. This has not been an easy pregnancy, and some days I have had to fight to keep this little girl in there, but she's still there, so...so far, so good.
I'd love to say that I'm keeping my blog as a way for people to find crafty stuff, or awesome recipes, but honestly, right now my life doesn't feel together enough to really be an inspiration to anyone. I'm focusing on being a mom, and the best mom I know how. I'm going to try to post every day, and some days may be recipes, or crafty goodness, but in less than 2 months I'm going to be lucky if I remember where I put the baby, so....
Anyway, to those who I consider *real* friends, I've missed you. I've missed following your blogs, and I've missed feeling like I'm sharing with you. So welcome (back) to the jungle.

I've had weekly ultrasounds. This is Ellie at 24 weeks, smiling....with her hand in front of her face. (All those ultrasounds, and in ALL of them, her hand was in front of her face.)

Here she is at 26 weeks, sucking on her fingers.

Putting it in perspective

So here's my big New Year's resolution.....

Don't sweat the small stuff. I mean, really, we all get so worked up and focused on drama that we tend to forget about the good stuff.

This week, I felt like I was dealt one blow after another. Due to...let's call it an unexpected expense...I have to break my lease and move into a friend's "cozy" apartment with her family. I was stressed to the max about moving, uprooting Wyatt for what is going to be a temporary thing (meaning he will get uprooted again), being another 1/2 hour away from work, hoping the roommate stuff wont' mess up our friendship....Then, I realized... I have an amazing friend who is more than happy to share what she has with Wyatt and me. And she offered without even batting an eye. What an incredible gift that is. We don't need "stuff". There really is very little we need. This biggest thing is, of course, shelter and nourishment. Just behind that is love. Wyatt and I have an abundance of love, both for each other and for (and from!) friends. You truly don't know what kind of friends you have until they step up. This last year has certainly shown me that. (Heck, really, the last 6months) I'm certainly convinced that DNA means very little, it's the people who stand beside you that make up your family.

Today I picked Wyatt up from a sleepover. He stayed up way late, then was up throwing up (pretty sure it was reflux) and woke up early. Yay! The recipe for a cranky kid. He took a 2 hour nap right up until 5, and was then very whiny, felt warm to me (but I was cold) and continued to lay around and not want to eat. Great. He's gotta be getting sick, right? Yet another thing I have to figure out how to balance. Did I mention he was cranky? Oh. My. Bob. I was ready to lay down next to him and stomp my feet about how much life stinks.

Then, I remembered...an old friend had to do the hardest thing imaginable today. She buried her newborn daughter. The daughter she felt moving inside her 2 hours before her C-section. I looked at my healthy (in the grand scheme of things), smart, funny and mostly happy little boy today and remembered that I have a major blessing. I'm sure my friend would have gladly traded places with me.

What amazing reminders to keep things in perspective. There is always someone who wants to trade places with you.

You never know what may happen next year, tomorrow, or in the next 2 hours. You can't go crazy worrying about it, but you can make every moment count.