So much...where to begin?

I still struggle with how honest I want to be in my blog. Well, let me rephrase that. What I post is always honest. I guess I mean that I struggle with how much to share. I have no shame, and really don't see the sense in hiding anything, but at the same time I don't want my personal fears to get all twisted, or made to be something other people can laugh over. Just a random thought before my real post.

So, tonight begins a new adventure for me. Our church is starting a new (for us) program on Wednesday nights. We're changing to Journey Kids. I've been asked to be one of three group leaders for the 4th grade girls' class. I'm a little nervous. I don't know that I'm the right person to lead ANYONE spiritually. But after a lot of prayer, I do feel that it's the place I should be right now. I'm definitely nervous about it, but so happy that the Children's Ministry leader at my church felt it was something I can do. There are a lot of guidelines to follow, so that's helpful. I'm still crazy nervous though!

There's been a lot going on with Wyatt lately. He's not adjusting to all the changes nearly as well as I had originally thought. Last night some things came to light, and I'm not proud of how I had been handling things prior to that. Needless to say, some of the things he told me have me wanting to be a much better mom. I'm going to his school today to speak with his guidance counselor. I didn't realize how stressed the poor kiddo was. I can't change how anything's happened leading up to now, I can only change how they are from here out. And believe me, I'm changing them! I definitely need to make him a bigger priority. I mean, he's ALWAYS my biggest priority, but lately I haven't really shown it. I've been so tired and cranky, and it's really affected him. So now we have a family rule that for a minimum of half hour on weekdays we are doing something together that doesn't involve technology. Playing catch, board games, reading, whatever. Sounds so simple, right? Well, oddly enough, that hasn't so much happened. We are also going to be eating dinner at the table together EVERY night. And we're going back to "unplugging" on Sundays. No technology, just family. I think I've let him forget how important he really is to me. After a little scare we had last night, I can't let that happen again. And I won't. I'm just glad everything came to light before it got too late. If I can take anything away from this, it's not to take your kids for granted. Just because they seem to be dealing with things well, doesn't always mean they are. Not my proudest Mommy moment, but there it is.

Yeah yeah

It's been a while. Life happens, ya know?
So, here I am now, posting again. I really do go back and forth about whether I ever want to post because there are people who I know use some of the things in my writings against me, or as fodder for gossip, so I really find myself not being as open as I'd like. And if I'm not being open, what's the point of this stupid thing to begin with? I don't want to make my blog invite only, because, well, I'm awesome, and I want people to find me. Honestly, after all the infertility mess, I know how nice it was to find a kindred spirit in the World Wide Web. It's my hope that somehow some of the stuff I wrote about will help someone else through their stuff.
Anyway, clearly I've decided to start posting again. Know what? I'm me. If you don't like it, or you wanna use it against me, then that's on you. I will forewarn you...my blog is going to be taking on a whole new spin in the realm of single parenting because (drum roll please)
I'm pregnant. 31 weeks today. Yup. Go figure. And, I'm still single. I can pick 'em, right? The situation sucks, but I firmly, absolutely, wholeheartedly believe that EVERY baby is a blessing. And after all the aforementioned infertility crap, I'm completely over the moon. Scared a little, sure, but I can do this single mom thing. Been there, done that. I certainly didn't plan for this to happen, but I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. This has not been an easy pregnancy, and some days I have had to fight to keep this little girl in there, but she's still there, so...so far, so good.
I'd love to say that I'm keeping my blog as a way for people to find crafty stuff, or awesome recipes, but honestly, right now my life doesn't feel together enough to really be an inspiration to anyone. I'm focusing on being a mom, and the best mom I know how. I'm going to try to post every day, and some days may be recipes, or crafty goodness, but in less than 2 months I'm going to be lucky if I remember where I put the baby, so....
Anyway, to those who I consider *real* friends, I've missed you. I've missed following your blogs, and I've missed feeling like I'm sharing with you. So welcome (back) to the jungle.

I've had weekly ultrasounds. This is Ellie at 24 weeks, smiling....with her hand in front of her face. (All those ultrasounds, and in ALL of them, her hand was in front of her face.)

Here she is at 26 weeks, sucking on her fingers.