OK, so you spend less than a dollar on something that's sole purpose it to be peed on. And you take it home, wait until morning, and pee on it. Then when that stick only shows one pink line, you can't help it. You get mad at it. Like it's the stick's fault your body doesn't do what it's supposed to.
I can say that, once the initial disappointment passes, I am secure in the knowledge that things are going to be ok. First, the disappointment is getting easier to deal with. It just doesn't hurt as much anymore.
My mom asked me the other day if I was mad and frustrated that I'm not getting pregnant. I told her I'm not. And that's not a lie. I have such a comfort in the fact that God has a plan. She asked if I was angry that I conceived so easily before. I just chose to laugh about it. It's hard to be angry about something that brought me love. Sure, there are times that I wonder why I was able to conceive so easily before, but I don't ever get angry. I have learned enough to know that I will appreciate pregnancy so much more. And, really, if Randy and I were going through a pregnancy or infancy when we had these marital problems, I don't know that we would have made it. And, I'm learning SO much more about the kind of pregnancy, childbirth, and infant raising that I want to have. I think if I had gotten pregnant when we started trying, I wouldn't be so well informed. So, the wait is coming in handy.
In the meantime, this video really speaks to me.
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