Infertility rant

Not that I'm trying to get pregnant right now (far from it). But, my infertility is ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I'm not proud of that. I'm not proud of the fact that, on any given day, I know exactly where I am in my cycle, how many days there are until I ovulate, etc. It's not like I can "forget" how my body works. And I still envy pregnant women. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not so much

With that being said....

I think I need to get this out. And I won't lie, it's not going to be pretty. I am going to come across as bitter and mean, but I need to let it go.

It's. Not. Fair. If you have a child, and have told me that you effing hate him, I will not be happy when you get pregnant again. Nor will I feel sorry for you when you spend your mornings with your head in the toilet.

Don't you DARE tell me that I need to relax. Once I'm spending over 1,000 per month to get pregnant, relaxing is out the window.

If you've been trying for less than 6 months, don't tell me you know how I feel. You don't. Until you've been told that you need to be treated for infertility, you really don't have a clue.

Don't start suggesting my options. If you don't have access to my medical files, and don't spend an inordinary about of time in my home, you don't know what's best for my family.

I think EVERY baby is a blessing. That being said...if you are in a brand new relationship, and find you're pregnant, don't expect me to want to shout my joy from the rooftops. Just because I will love your baby doesn't mean that I have to love your pregnancy. (Please note, there are some people whose pregnancy I would love. Others, not so much)

Don't tell me I'm lucky my house is so quiet. I'd give anything for it to be loud. I WANT to put my life on hold to take care of a baby.

I wanted, dreamed of, having children close together. That is not possible anymore. Don't expect me to not grieve over the loss of my dreams.

Don't be afraid to tell me you're pregnant. Just be sensitive to the fact that it may not be easy. But trust me, it will be much easier to hear it from you with some care than it will to hear it in public. And if I'm happy, it's genuine.

Ask me how things are going. Believe me, it's always in the back of my mind.

Don't ever assume you know how I feel. I don't always know how I feel.