Before I got sick, when I was still working, Randy and I had discussed whether I would stay home once we got married. We knew we wanted to try for kids right away, and while pregnant women can certainly function well on an ambulance, it's not the most comfortable career with an extra 20 pounds added on. Randy grew up with a mom who was always home, and he wanted that for his children. Plus, we can both easily admit that I am better at keeping house than he is. We can afford it, and Randy said that if money ever got tight, he would happily take on a 2nd job. Sounds great, right? Well, first of all, I had issues with him working 2 jobs while I (in my mind at the time) didn't work. Secondly, I'd been an EMT for 14 years. I felt that a lot of my identity was tied up in being an EMT. How do I walk away from that? Well, we prayed about it. Shortly thereafter I was told I could never work as an EMT again. What a blow. I mean, I can't be "me" again. But, our choice was taken out of our hands. Of course, as most of you well know, we found the issue to be relatively minor, I had surgery, and now I'm better. Can I go back to work? Absolutely.
I get asked all the time "Now that you're better when are you going back to work?" I just smile and tell whoever asked that I'm staying home for now. Really, inside I'm thinking "Have you ever stayed home to take care of a house and 2 dogs and a 4 year old and a husband?" That, in itself, is a full time job, and one I take a lot of pride in.
I used to come home from work to find dishes all over the kitchen, a child who was clingy for my time, and just "stuff" that needed to be done. I never got to come home and be "off". Which was fine. As a single mom for 3 1/2 years, I was used to it. Did things always get done? No. Was I stressed at home? Yes. Did we have time for Wyatt to get to do all the things he wanted to? Not at all.
Now that I'm home, I find myself constantly working. There's always laundry to be done, a floor to be swept, a counter to be wiped off, and, more importantly, a game to be played, a child to love. I often tell people I'm busier now than I was when I worked outside the home. And I am, but also happier and constantly content. And I'm proud of our home. I know at any given moment someone could knock on our door, and I will happily invite them inside (Unless, of course, they are wearing a ski mask and brandishing a gun...But I don't think the HOA would allow that) Now that I'm home, we can have family time, Randy and I have "date night in", Wyatt seems happier and more secure than ever. Sure, there are some things we go without, but never without love.
Now, let's not pretend there aren't days when I'm ready to scream my head off and I want to go on strike in the fort out back. Those days exist, although not often. But I am so incredibly blessed to have a husband who sees those days when they happen, and he encourages me to take time for myself. And I think that's crucial. I see my son blossoming, and I get to be the one to watch him grow. We get to play games together, look for bugs, battle the monsters under the bed. For the first time, I'm really seeing what life is all about. Yes, I can honestly say I used to save people. I loved it, and truly believe I was good at it. But this, what I do now...this is everything.
Now, when someone asks me what I do for a living, I smile, and proudly say "I'm a Mom" There is just no living better than that.
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