Reflections

I haven't blogged much lately. As my Facebook friends can attest to, I really haven't been online much at all. I've really been focusing on my family and my Faith.

I've come to one major conclusion about my family. Sometimes, some things just aren't meant to be. I think Randy and I are just entirely too different to really be a couple. I've prayed about it A LOT. There are just far too many ways we are too different. It's at the point now that bitterness is starting to develop, because I've thought we HAD to stay married. I talked with my pastor last week, and he and I prayed about it, and especially after speaking to him, I do feel that it's best for BOTH Randy and I that we move onto the next stage of our lives separately. We are still friends, and I hope we always will be. He says he wants to continue to be a part of Wyatt's life, and for both of their sakes, I do hope that's true. But I'm afraid that if we continue with our marriage, my bitterness will get worse, and that certainly won't help our friendship. I just don't feel that either of us is best suited for the other.

I know this isn't one of my happy, bubbly blogs most of y'all have come to expect. I don't mean to sound so negative about it. I can't speak for Randy, but I really feel at peace with it. More than I did when trying to make the marriage work. At least we both put effort into it, and I don't feel that we rushed into separating at all. I can't say I'm happy about separating, but definitely at peace. I had always said divorce wasn't an option for us, but after sleeping in separate rooms and living totally separate lives, I really think it's the ONLY option for us.

I don't expect most people to understand. And that's ok. The only thing that matters is that Randy and I understand.

I'm going to continue with counseling at the church. Not because of the marriage, or at least not only because of the marriage. But because I'm still so new at being a believer. It's been a big help so far. I can only hope it continues to be so.