WHY WHY WHY can't I make up my mind?

I am so very very torn on the whole (are you ready) homeschooling issue. I know the benefits. But, here's the thing. When we move, I'm not gonna know ANYONE. Well, except my dad. Yes, we will meet people in church, but I wanna know more people! (I'm greedy that way). Plus the church I think I'm interested in is about 45 minutes away. I want Wyatt involved in sports, and I swear getting any community information is like pulling teeth. My kiddo is pretty friendly and sociable, and I want him to have friends, well, to be friends with.

BUT South Carolina public schools SUCK. Now, where we are moving to, there are 2 elementary schools. One for PreK-1 or 2nd grade, and the other one goes through 5th grade. So he will be in school with other little guys. There is (what appears to be) a really good private school. Sounds like a good choice right? Well, Wyatt's on the waiting list. Plus, why pay 300/month for something I can do myself?

I think there's a dent in my desk roughly the shape of my head.

So, I think I'm being incredibly selfish in my wanting to send Wyatt to school. It's really not about the time for myself, it's about wanting friends. Plus, I've always pictured being the mom everyone goes to with problems, for advice, etc...How can I do that when there isn't anyone? Not that Wyatt won't have friends (I hope), but...you know what I mean. Maybe you don't.

Anyway, this morning I was surfing the net until my caffeine kicked in enough to make a coherant (albeit not spelled correctly) blog post. I found what I think may be a really good opportunity. There is a company that does cloth diaper parties, much like Tupperware, Pampered Chef, etc parties. I do want to CD when I have more, so it seems like a perfect solution. It will give me product knowledge, plus it's a social outlet. I don't expect to be nearly as busy as I would be selling Tastefully Simple or Pampered Chef, but...hey, it's something. I do think I'm going to look into it :) And cloth diapers have changed...A LOT. It's not like you even use pins anymore (unless you want to). It's super simple. And, better for the environment, your baby's hiney, and your wallet. You know, the more I think about it, the more I wanna look into it

Timing...'aint it grand?

So Mary, our Realtor, called yesterday. They rejected our offer. They counter offered, we counter offered more than we wanted, but we REALLY liked that house. Not 5 minutes after we gave our counter offer, my dad calls. (Insert creepy music here...not because my dad called, but because he had BAD news) He did some investigating on the area we were moving to, at my request. Turns out the run down house next door that made me a little nervous is part of a compound for, in his words, "a junior varsity version of Hells Angels". Well then. Good thing the seller is a moron who doesn't know a good offer when he sees one! So, now we are buying this house. And we will be right next to dad. I have mixed feelings about that, and I'm pretty sure most of my readers know what those feelings are. If not, ask, and expect a LONG explination.

So anyway...that's my big news for the day. Exciting, huh? Nothing else to report. No hot flashes last night, praise Jeebus. We did have a good time yesterday. We invited one of our friends over, and had dinner, then a camp fire with S'mores and stuff. It was really fun. The weather was perfect. The boy's behavior? Not so much. He had a 4 hour nap late in the afternoon, and despite trying to wake him up, he slept chevy style....like a rock. I knew I was going to pay for it last night. And pay for it I did! *Stops typing to take a gulp of coffee*

Hmmm...what else, what else. I dunno. I have nothing going on. Randy's working today, so I have some phone calls to make, laundry to do. I think everything is packed that can be packed, except for our clothes, and I will do that today. I just know there are clothes in that closet that we won't be wearing for a while. To boxes they shall go! I am so sick of boxes, although, I must say, they do make lovely decor. If you like brown. And cardboard. Which I don't.

Alright world....I'm off to go...hmmm...sit on the couch and veg, I guess. Wyatt is sleeping in my bed, and my room is the only thing I have left to do, so I gotta wait.

ARRGGGGHHHH

I had an entire blog typed. I liked it. It was cute and funny, much like yours truly. I went to post it, and it disappeared. Head, meet desk.

So, anyway, we are not buying my dad's house. We found a bigger house. It's on an acre less land, but really, 2 acres is plenty. It's already fenced, has one more bedroom, a bigger master closet, and a nicer layout. And it's only 5 grand more. We put an offer on it yesterday. Click here to see the house. I'm excited! Quite nervous, a little scared, but mostly super excited. (And still really peeved that I'm typing all this for the second time this morning)

You loyal readers are lucky I didn't just say screw it and not post!

Now, I don't remember if I told you about Barnum, Wyatt's cat. Well, I did already this morning, but you didn't see it. He and Bailey made themselves outside cats. A couple of months ago we noticed that his paw was swollen. We made them indoor cats again, and kept an eye on his paw. It seemed to get better. Well, then it started "oozing" So, we took him to the vet, where they told me he had an infection down to his bone. 2 rounds of oral antibiotics, an injectable antibiotic, pain meds, debreiding, and multiple return visits for bandaging later....He seemed all better. 2 days ago, his paw started profusely bleeding, and the blood was mixed with, well, puss. So, back to the vet we go. Another injectable antibiotic and another round of oral antibiotics later...if it's not *significantly* better in 2 days, he needs an x-ray. But, his personality has not changed at all. He still lets Wyatt love on him. A lot. To the point that I'm almost sorry for the cat. Remember the Peanuts cartoon? Linus and his blanket? Yeah, that's Wyatt and his cat.

This is a small sample of what happens every day

I really think the cat is part dog.

Well, today I start round 2 of Clomid. I decided to go ahead with 2 rounds and give each ovary a chance to step up to the plate before I start Vitex. I'm kinda scared that the cervical surgery is preventing me from getting pregnant. According to the mean doctor, I have almost no cervix. I mean, that's gotta have an impact, right? All the research I've done (and the mean doctor) say that the cervix plays no role in conception. But my body says different. You know what though? Really, if that's the case, then IUI and IVF will bypass that, so I *still* know I'll get pregnant, even if I need a little help.

Are you ready?

Yet again....nothing is quite the way I had said it would be in my last post.

First...I had a realization. Why am I going to pay 400.00 a month for Wyatt to go to school when I can do it myself? So, yeah, we are back to that. Which also means we aren't leaving until 8/31. Now, there is a chance that we will still buy dad's house, but there is someone else looking at it. If they offer what Dad is asking, well, then, that's 20,000 more than we are paying, and they can have it. There is another house we LOVE. Actually, we love it more than Dad's. The only reason we aren't buying it is because we would really like to know who our neighbors are. So we will see how things work. At least we have a back up plan in place.

Head, meet desk.

I am exhausted. We worked the Outlaw Races last night, so that wasn't done til about 2am, then I had to be up for work this morning, today I'm working 6am until 10pm, then tomorrow I'm teaching Sunday school, and then working from 2pm until 10pm. Sleeeep. I want sleeeep.

I think I may not do Clomid next month. I hate the way it made me feel, I hate the mood swings it gave me, how hot I was....Ugh. Yes, a baby would absolutely be worth all of that. But, first, I think I'm going to try to go the natural/herbal route. I don't need all those side effects on top of moving and trying to get Wyatt started with school. I'm not sure what I'm doing yet (other than research, lol) But Clomid has some possible long term side effects that the herbs don't, so...

Soooo....

The new plan is that Randy will move down to SC with me on the 6th. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, your bad. Read previous blogs) Hopefully that will work out. That also means that I have 2 weeks from tomorrow to get this house packed up. Can I do it? Ummm....sure. But first I have to get off the computer. I also have to call DirecTV to get our TV switched.

Is anyone else offended by this? There is a song on Family Guy called Down Syndrome Girl. It's been nominated for an Emmy. Personally, I can't stand the show. I find it tasteless, but whatever. I just don't watch it. To each his own. But that song got nominated for an Emmy? So now it's award winning to make fun of people with disabilites. You have got to be kidding me. That really upsets me. I don't know, maybe I'm a prude. But, that's how I feel.

Lots to do in the next 2 weeks. I have a short visit to MD planned, plus all this packing, I gotta figure out where Wyatt's going to school (if there's a spot at LMA or if I have to put him in PS for a while), so many phone calls to make....Trying to squeeze in a few more trips to Hershey, plus lunches with friends....I'm so tired just thinking about it.

Oh well, I really should get off my hiney and get started. But I don't wanna!!!!!

Power of thought is not always a good thing.....

So....I am well aware of the fact that a fertilized embryo won't implant for a minimum of 10 days. Thus, you can't be pregnant until 10 days after you ovulate. (Arent you SO glad you opened this blog?) It has been 6 days. And I have had every pregnancy symptom under the sun. Heartburn SO bad that I wake up choking on stomach acid. Is this all side effects to the Clomid? Some of them, yes. And every little twinge has me thinking "is that it?" Now, the first person to tell me to not think about it so much will have their face ripped off. So will whoever decides to tell me to stop trying and I will get pregnant. 2 things you should never say to someone who is trying to conceive

OH OH OH OH OH. I almost forgot...while we were in SC, we got an offer on our house. And, it was for the asking price. :) WOO HOO! So, August 31 we are settling, and moving to SC. Wyatt and I may go down sooner. It's likely that we will, so that he can start school with his class. I know, I know, but he's going to a small private school. Worst case scenario, he will have to go to public school until there is a spot open, but I called his school and they are pretty sure they have spots for K5. (They have to play with the numbers to make sure...but I'm thinking positive) So, he and I will go down around Aug 7, stay with my dad until Randy settles on the house here and comes down to join us and we buy the new house. So, on the bright side, no Clomid next month. Part of me wants to say that it will just be easier to let Wyatt start after Labor Day, but I hate the thought of all the kids already having their own friends and knowing the routine, and here the boy will have to,not only get used to living in a whole new state, but trying to fit in with these kids he doesn't know. Over protective? Probably. I know kids do it all th time, but, it's MY kid. I don't know. I really don't know what I"m going to do. Randy wants me to stay here until we can all go down together, so that's what I should do, but....I really want Wyatt to start with his class. It makes more sense for me to stay, then I don't have to drive back up here just to get the dogs. (They can't fit in the Uhaul, and they can't stay at Dad's, so I would have to drive back up to get them when we are ready for our house) Ugh....Stupid southern states starting school so early!! What happened to just starting after Labor Day?

See, and here, when I sat down to start typing, I thought I had nothing to write about. Ha! I should know myself well enough by now to know that I can go on about pretty much anything.

*tap tap* Is this thing on?

Well, howdy. Remember me? I'm the cute chick dressed in white on that picture you see when you click on my blog. Yup, that's me. Be jealous.

If you aren't jealous about that....I'm in SC. We are going to my Daddy's for a week. We arent' there yet.....Soon! And, of course, a stop at Starbucks here shortly. I think it may be the only Starbucks in SC. There aren't many. Trust me. There's an app on my phone called "Find Starbucks"....It gives me the 5 nearest stores, then navigates me to the store I choose. Best. App. Ever. Hmmmm....I may have to think the whole relocating to SC thing.

So, I'm done with the Clomid for this cycle. The hot flashes stopped, so maybe it was just the insanely hot heat. ALthough, I would wake up sweaty, so maybe not. I had a few minor mood swings. I really didn't get cranky, but, my God, the things that would make me cry all of a sudden. CRAZY. I'm pretty sure that I, single handedly, kept Kleenex in business last week. I pray that all of this isn't for nothing, and that I get pregnant soon. I think we're a pretty cool family to be a part of. The little baby spirits must know this too.

My husband, God love him.... He's driving as I type. He looks at me and says "Is this the way we went before?" I'm fairly certain I looked at him with a blank look, because I was trying not to give him the "Have you been smoking something?" look. He then proceeds to tell me that he doesn't remember this road going to our honeymoon. Um...well....maybe because this road goes to Myrtle Beach. In South Carolina. We went to Rehoboth Beach. In Deleware. Back off, ladies, you can't have him. He's all mine. I'm not complaining, he got off work at Midnite and has been driving ever since. I slept off and on. (Don't pity him, though, he slept almost all day at work yesterday!)

Wyatt has been SO GOOD on this trip. There were a few times he woke up fussy....but I can't blame him. I was cranky cause I couldn't get comfortable. Why should I expect better behavior from him? He was so funny. We didn't know he was awake yet this morning, and all of a sudden we hear a cute little 5 year old voice say "I've been on this road before!" And when I told him we were in South Carolina, his entire face lit up. Lemme tell you, I got lucky with this kid. He is just awesome.

Are we there yet? I soooo want to ask Randy, but then Wyatt will start. :) It's ok if I ask annoying questions. But noone else can. It is, after all, all about ME.

Mmmmm......I got my Starbucks. Ahhhh. All is right with the world now.

Who turned the heat up???

OMG. As if it's not bad enough that it's like 1000 degrees outside...The stupid Clomid is giving me heat flashes. I am so hot and sweaty. Ugh. Blech. And our stupid pool still isn't swim-able. Rest assured my friends, it will be by tomorrow. I think for today, I shall be parked in front of the air conditioner. Ugh. Did I say that already? Cause I mean it. Ugh.

So, the incredibly hot heat aside.....I think that I will give the Clomid 3 months instead of 6. (I have a 3 month supply, and I hate wasting money, lol) After that, it's going to be herbs and supplements. I just....I don't know. If it's making me feel like this (and yes, I get that it's a hormone pill, and hormones do this stuff) I don't want it. Yes, I want a baby. We all know that. But, can this really be healthy? I almost can't wait to get back from SC and get back on my diet. I just felt so much better on it. I have 2 groups of friends...the natural minded, and the more western thinking crowd. They are both right, and I fit in with both groups, to an extent. I mean, I just think that God gave man the knowledge to make meds like Clomid and to make fertility treatments. Can it be that wrong?

I know my blog this morning isn't well thought out or well articulated. It's pretty much a jumble. But, this morning, that's how my thoughts and emotions are. Lately I've been pretty calm and relaxed...today, I don't know, I'm just a jumble for some reason. (And, yes, I only had one cup of coffee) I do have a lot that needs to be done around the house, so maybe these jumbled nerves will serve a purpose. Or maybe I'll lay in a tub of ice water and take a nap

Blechy blech blech

Soooo..... Maybe it's the spaghetti. Maybe it was the Clomid. But I woke up at 2 am feeling insanely nauseated. It was awful! Maybe it was a combination of the spaghetti and Clomid (note to self, don't eat leftovers at work today)

So...I'm at work. And, I don't know what it is, but there is a furry/fuzzy thing in the hallway, just outside the women's bathroom door. I think it's dead. I may even think it was once alive (as opposed to being your garden variety dust bunny...LARGE garden variety dust bunny). But, I'm not getting close enough to find out. And, if we get a call, someone else HAS to go, because I can't save lives by myself, so that other person can dispose of the...thing. If I get close enough to see what it is, it will certainly spring to life and bite my nose. (You see, I am just THAT good at my job) It really is giving me the creeps. Someone make it go away!

Moving right along....Ugh...it's still there. I know it is. Where is my shift partner? He's a boy, he can come take care of it. This is the thanks I get for showing up to work over an hour early. I get greeted by...things... Ugh.

So anyway....back to moving along. This morning, on the way to work, I turned the radio off, and just talked to God. Can I tell you how good it felt? I thanked Him for all the amazing blessings He's given me. I look around, and I am SO lucky. I have so very much in the way of friends and love. The fact that someone who has never, and likely never will, meet me has put so much heart and love into helping me just humbles me. I thanked Him for that. I also thanked Him for my friends, and asked Him for help with a few friends having problems. I feel like, this morning, I really had a chance to pray for those people who are important in my life.

I need to go check on the....thing. If this is the last thing I type, send help!.................................OMG it's GONE!!! I am NEVER sleeping here AGAIN! I swear, it looked like a mouse that had been flatened. What, was it playing dead? It was fat too. What if it was a mommy mouse in labor, and now there are lots of little mouse-letts? Crap. I really want to cry. And I have flip flops on (my shift doesn't start til 6) so the thing/s can nibble on my toes! EWWWWWW

I am SUCH a girl. Although, that may be one of Randy's favorite things about me

It's an infertile life

Well, I did it. I popped 2 Clomid today. (Amongst other vitamins, and steroids) By the way, let me just tell you. I had this perfect vision of taking the Clomid, visualizing myself calm, and using imagery to picture my uterus and ovaries open and welcoming. Well, that didn't work. This morning I thought perhaps it would be best to take the vitamin B and steroids so that I had the nasty tasting medicine out of the way. I also decided to do all of this quickly (I HATE taking meds)

Not. A. Good. Idea. The steroids and vitamin made me GAG. They leave the most foul taste in my mouth. Then I took the other pills, leaving Clomid for last. I was still gagging. I was not calm, and I certainly didn't feel "open"! Ugh, it was horrible. Not how I pictured my first time taking these meds

So, I did it. Now I'm not just being tested for infertility, I'm being treated. But, I'm totally ok with it! I have my my "western" meds, and, thanks to the help of someone I see becoming a good friend, some "Momma" gems...moonstone, and some baby dust. Plus, she's given me some wonderful visualization tips. It's going to happen...and soon. I know it :)

I wonder what side effects I will feel from the Clomid? I've heard of so many different ones, which is why I wanted to be calm when I took the Clomid...Tomorrow, I think the vitamins will come at a different time. Perhaps the Clomid will go first, when I have more control over my taste buds.

Homeschooling thoughts (again)

So I was talking to my friend April, she's one of my bigger...hmmm....inspirations for homeschooling, and a good local friend.

I told her that one of the issues I'd been having was that I know now there are some days that I just want quiet time, and that I need Wyatt out of the house. I felt like that was such an unfair thing to say, and that other HS moms always seem to have it all so together. Well, in one of my online HS groups, someone brought up that very subject. And you know what? All these other HS moms feel the same way. They all have days that they want to load their kids onto a bus and just....breathe. Or get their house really clean. I feel so much better knowing that. I felt horribly guilty before.

April said when she went to a HSing convention that they had a talk on that very thing. She felt the same way.

Isn't it amazing, as parents, the amount of guilt we allow ourselves to feel? I know a lot of that is outside influence. Not that we intend to let others dictate how we feel, but it's human nature. One person who is pretty insistant about traditional schooling being better can make me feel horrible for wanting to homeschool. And this particular person always uses the argument "but think of all the time you'd have to yourself" That can do one of 2 things...It either makes me feel like I'm doing myself a disservice by HSing, or it makes me think "Soooo....because I enjoy time with my son I'm a bad mom?" (Thought in a COMPLETELY sarcastic tone, of course) And it makes me want to homeschool that much more.

I know I can do this. I see all that Wyatt learns now. And a homeschool day only last about an hour or 2 at the kindergarten level, because we don't have to take breaks for the rest of the "class". Think about how much fun we can have the rest of the day? And we are planning a vacation to Williamsburg this winter...Hellooooo....field trip! (And, if I happen to get some shopping done at the outlets...well, that's multi tasking!)

Changing my way of thinking on a lot of things.....

The internet is an amazing thing, isn't it?

I have "met" many wonderfully smart and brave women recently. They have opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking. Let me just start by saying that, given my profession, I obviously believe in modern, western medicine. But, I'm starting to really believe that it's not always the best method.

My first real example, with concrete evidence....A friend made me a peridot necklace/anklet set. It's said to be a gemstone which is used for calming/anti-anger. Can I just tell you...I wore it today, and had one of the best days. Our entire house seemed to be in Harmony. When I went to go to sleep, I tossed and turned. My mind seemed to be going a million miles an hour. Honestly, I think it's because I took off the jewlery set. I have another set for TTC, and she's given me a ton of hints for keeping my mind/spirit open. And I'm sure some of you won't agree with it, or think it's a bunch of hooey...but, I know it makes me feel better. So neener neener

Another thing that I'm certain is going to cause an uproar. I want to give birth at home, with a midwife in attendance. Obviously, that's not an immediate issue. But it will be. Now, I'm not going to put my health in jeopardy. I'm going to make sure it's safe, and I really don't see any reason why it wouldn't be. I didn't have any excessive bleeding before, because I took the medication to prevent it. I can't take that medication at home. I'm completely willing to compromise and deliver at a birth center. But I DO NOT want to deliver in a hospital. I hated being tied down to monitors, I couldn't get in the shower, and I want a water birth this time. It's common knowledge that walking progresses labor. If you're tied to a monitor, how can you walk? I really can come up with decent arguments when it's not 2 am.

Speaking of which, I really do need to make some attempt to sleep. But, rest assured, my mind is a changing. And this time, I can say with absolute certainty, it's for the better