Power of thought is not always a good thing.....

So....I am well aware of the fact that a fertilized embryo won't implant for a minimum of 10 days. Thus, you can't be pregnant until 10 days after you ovulate. (Arent you SO glad you opened this blog?) It has been 6 days. And I have had every pregnancy symptom under the sun. Heartburn SO bad that I wake up choking on stomach acid. Is this all side effects to the Clomid? Some of them, yes. And every little twinge has me thinking "is that it?" Now, the first person to tell me to not think about it so much will have their face ripped off. So will whoever decides to tell me to stop trying and I will get pregnant. 2 things you should never say to someone who is trying to conceive

OH OH OH OH OH. I almost forgot...while we were in SC, we got an offer on our house. And, it was for the asking price. :) WOO HOO! So, August 31 we are settling, and moving to SC. Wyatt and I may go down sooner. It's likely that we will, so that he can start school with his class. I know, I know, but he's going to a small private school. Worst case scenario, he will have to go to public school until there is a spot open, but I called his school and they are pretty sure they have spots for K5. (They have to play with the numbers to make sure...but I'm thinking positive) So, he and I will go down around Aug 7, stay with my dad until Randy settles on the house here and comes down to join us and we buy the new house. So, on the bright side, no Clomid next month. Part of me wants to say that it will just be easier to let Wyatt start after Labor Day, but I hate the thought of all the kids already having their own friends and knowing the routine, and here the boy will have to,not only get used to living in a whole new state, but trying to fit in with these kids he doesn't know. Over protective? Probably. I know kids do it all th time, but, it's MY kid. I don't know. I really don't know what I"m going to do. Randy wants me to stay here until we can all go down together, so that's what I should do, but....I really want Wyatt to start with his class. It makes more sense for me to stay, then I don't have to drive back up here just to get the dogs. (They can't fit in the Uhaul, and they can't stay at Dad's, so I would have to drive back up to get them when we are ready for our house) Ugh....Stupid southern states starting school so early!! What happened to just starting after Labor Day?

See, and here, when I sat down to start typing, I thought I had nothing to write about. Ha! I should know myself well enough by now to know that I can go on about pretty much anything.

*tap tap* Is this thing on?

Well, howdy. Remember me? I'm the cute chick dressed in white on that picture you see when you click on my blog. Yup, that's me. Be jealous.

If you aren't jealous about that....I'm in SC. We are going to my Daddy's for a week. We arent' there yet.....Soon! And, of course, a stop at Starbucks here shortly. I think it may be the only Starbucks in SC. There aren't many. Trust me. There's an app on my phone called "Find Starbucks"....It gives me the 5 nearest stores, then navigates me to the store I choose. Best. App. Ever. Hmmmm....I may have to think the whole relocating to SC thing.

So, I'm done with the Clomid for this cycle. The hot flashes stopped, so maybe it was just the insanely hot heat. ALthough, I would wake up sweaty, so maybe not. I had a few minor mood swings. I really didn't get cranky, but, my God, the things that would make me cry all of a sudden. CRAZY. I'm pretty sure that I, single handedly, kept Kleenex in business last week. I pray that all of this isn't for nothing, and that I get pregnant soon. I think we're a pretty cool family to be a part of. The little baby spirits must know this too.

My husband, God love him.... He's driving as I type. He looks at me and says "Is this the way we went before?" I'm fairly certain I looked at him with a blank look, because I was trying not to give him the "Have you been smoking something?" look. He then proceeds to tell me that he doesn't remember this road going to our honeymoon. Um...well....maybe because this road goes to Myrtle Beach. In South Carolina. We went to Rehoboth Beach. In Deleware. Back off, ladies, you can't have him. He's all mine. I'm not complaining, he got off work at Midnite and has been driving ever since. I slept off and on. (Don't pity him, though, he slept almost all day at work yesterday!)

Wyatt has been SO GOOD on this trip. There were a few times he woke up fussy....but I can't blame him. I was cranky cause I couldn't get comfortable. Why should I expect better behavior from him? He was so funny. We didn't know he was awake yet this morning, and all of a sudden we hear a cute little 5 year old voice say "I've been on this road before!" And when I told him we were in South Carolina, his entire face lit up. Lemme tell you, I got lucky with this kid. He is just awesome.

Are we there yet? I soooo want to ask Randy, but then Wyatt will start. :) It's ok if I ask annoying questions. But noone else can. It is, after all, all about ME.

Mmmmm......I got my Starbucks. Ahhhh. All is right with the world now.

Who turned the heat up???

OMG. As if it's not bad enough that it's like 1000 degrees outside...The stupid Clomid is giving me heat flashes. I am so hot and sweaty. Ugh. Blech. And our stupid pool still isn't swim-able. Rest assured my friends, it will be by tomorrow. I think for today, I shall be parked in front of the air conditioner. Ugh. Did I say that already? Cause I mean it. Ugh.

So, the incredibly hot heat aside.....I think that I will give the Clomid 3 months instead of 6. (I have a 3 month supply, and I hate wasting money, lol) After that, it's going to be herbs and supplements. I just....I don't know. If it's making me feel like this (and yes, I get that it's a hormone pill, and hormones do this stuff) I don't want it. Yes, I want a baby. We all know that. But, can this really be healthy? I almost can't wait to get back from SC and get back on my diet. I just felt so much better on it. I have 2 groups of friends...the natural minded, and the more western thinking crowd. They are both right, and I fit in with both groups, to an extent. I mean, I just think that God gave man the knowledge to make meds like Clomid and to make fertility treatments. Can it be that wrong?

I know my blog this morning isn't well thought out or well articulated. It's pretty much a jumble. But, this morning, that's how my thoughts and emotions are. Lately I've been pretty calm and relaxed...today, I don't know, I'm just a jumble for some reason. (And, yes, I only had one cup of coffee) I do have a lot that needs to be done around the house, so maybe these jumbled nerves will serve a purpose. Or maybe I'll lay in a tub of ice water and take a nap

Blechy blech blech

Soooo..... Maybe it's the spaghetti. Maybe it was the Clomid. But I woke up at 2 am feeling insanely nauseated. It was awful! Maybe it was a combination of the spaghetti and Clomid (note to self, don't eat leftovers at work today)

So...I'm at work. And, I don't know what it is, but there is a furry/fuzzy thing in the hallway, just outside the women's bathroom door. I think it's dead. I may even think it was once alive (as opposed to being your garden variety dust bunny...LARGE garden variety dust bunny). But, I'm not getting close enough to find out. And, if we get a call, someone else HAS to go, because I can't save lives by myself, so that other person can dispose of the...thing. If I get close enough to see what it is, it will certainly spring to life and bite my nose. (You see, I am just THAT good at my job) It really is giving me the creeps. Someone make it go away!

Moving right along....Ugh...it's still there. I know it is. Where is my shift partner? He's a boy, he can come take care of it. This is the thanks I get for showing up to work over an hour early. I get greeted by...things... Ugh.

So anyway....back to moving along. This morning, on the way to work, I turned the radio off, and just talked to God. Can I tell you how good it felt? I thanked Him for all the amazing blessings He's given me. I look around, and I am SO lucky. I have so very much in the way of friends and love. The fact that someone who has never, and likely never will, meet me has put so much heart and love into helping me just humbles me. I thanked Him for that. I also thanked Him for my friends, and asked Him for help with a few friends having problems. I feel like, this morning, I really had a chance to pray for those people who are important in my life.

I need to go check on the....thing. If this is the last thing I type, send help!.................................OMG it's GONE!!! I am NEVER sleeping here AGAIN! I swear, it looked like a mouse that had been flatened. What, was it playing dead? It was fat too. What if it was a mommy mouse in labor, and now there are lots of little mouse-letts? Crap. I really want to cry. And I have flip flops on (my shift doesn't start til 6) so the thing/s can nibble on my toes! EWWWWWW

I am SUCH a girl. Although, that may be one of Randy's favorite things about me

It's an infertile life

Well, I did it. I popped 2 Clomid today. (Amongst other vitamins, and steroids) By the way, let me just tell you. I had this perfect vision of taking the Clomid, visualizing myself calm, and using imagery to picture my uterus and ovaries open and welcoming. Well, that didn't work. This morning I thought perhaps it would be best to take the vitamin B and steroids so that I had the nasty tasting medicine out of the way. I also decided to do all of this quickly (I HATE taking meds)

Not. A. Good. Idea. The steroids and vitamin made me GAG. They leave the most foul taste in my mouth. Then I took the other pills, leaving Clomid for last. I was still gagging. I was not calm, and I certainly didn't feel "open"! Ugh, it was horrible. Not how I pictured my first time taking these meds

So, I did it. Now I'm not just being tested for infertility, I'm being treated. But, I'm totally ok with it! I have my my "western" meds, and, thanks to the help of someone I see becoming a good friend, some "Momma" gems...moonstone, and some baby dust. Plus, she's given me some wonderful visualization tips. It's going to happen...and soon. I know it :)

I wonder what side effects I will feel from the Clomid? I've heard of so many different ones, which is why I wanted to be calm when I took the Clomid...Tomorrow, I think the vitamins will come at a different time. Perhaps the Clomid will go first, when I have more control over my taste buds.

Homeschooling thoughts (again)

So I was talking to my friend April, she's one of my bigger...hmmm....inspirations for homeschooling, and a good local friend.

I told her that one of the issues I'd been having was that I know now there are some days that I just want quiet time, and that I need Wyatt out of the house. I felt like that was such an unfair thing to say, and that other HS moms always seem to have it all so together. Well, in one of my online HS groups, someone brought up that very subject. And you know what? All these other HS moms feel the same way. They all have days that they want to load their kids onto a bus and just....breathe. Or get their house really clean. I feel so much better knowing that. I felt horribly guilty before.

April said when she went to a HSing convention that they had a talk on that very thing. She felt the same way.

Isn't it amazing, as parents, the amount of guilt we allow ourselves to feel? I know a lot of that is outside influence. Not that we intend to let others dictate how we feel, but it's human nature. One person who is pretty insistant about traditional schooling being better can make me feel horrible for wanting to homeschool. And this particular person always uses the argument "but think of all the time you'd have to yourself" That can do one of 2 things...It either makes me feel like I'm doing myself a disservice by HSing, or it makes me think "Soooo....because I enjoy time with my son I'm a bad mom?" (Thought in a COMPLETELY sarcastic tone, of course) And it makes me want to homeschool that much more.

I know I can do this. I see all that Wyatt learns now. And a homeschool day only last about an hour or 2 at the kindergarten level, because we don't have to take breaks for the rest of the "class". Think about how much fun we can have the rest of the day? And we are planning a vacation to Williamsburg this winter...Hellooooo....field trip! (And, if I happen to get some shopping done at the outlets...well, that's multi tasking!)

Changing my way of thinking on a lot of things.....

The internet is an amazing thing, isn't it?

I have "met" many wonderfully smart and brave women recently. They have opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking. Let me just start by saying that, given my profession, I obviously believe in modern, western medicine. But, I'm starting to really believe that it's not always the best method.

My first real example, with concrete evidence....A friend made me a peridot necklace/anklet set. It's said to be a gemstone which is used for calming/anti-anger. Can I just tell you...I wore it today, and had one of the best days. Our entire house seemed to be in Harmony. When I went to go to sleep, I tossed and turned. My mind seemed to be going a million miles an hour. Honestly, I think it's because I took off the jewlery set. I have another set for TTC, and she's given me a ton of hints for keeping my mind/spirit open. And I'm sure some of you won't agree with it, or think it's a bunch of hooey...but, I know it makes me feel better. So neener neener

Another thing that I'm certain is going to cause an uproar. I want to give birth at home, with a midwife in attendance. Obviously, that's not an immediate issue. But it will be. Now, I'm not going to put my health in jeopardy. I'm going to make sure it's safe, and I really don't see any reason why it wouldn't be. I didn't have any excessive bleeding before, because I took the medication to prevent it. I can't take that medication at home. I'm completely willing to compromise and deliver at a birth center. But I DO NOT want to deliver in a hospital. I hated being tied down to monitors, I couldn't get in the shower, and I want a water birth this time. It's common knowledge that walking progresses labor. If you're tied to a monitor, how can you walk? I really can come up with decent arguments when it's not 2 am.

Speaking of which, I really do need to make some attempt to sleep. But, rest assured, my mind is a changing. And this time, I can say with absolute certainty, it's for the better