First of all, let me just add my little disclaimer here. I don't think all teen moms are bad. I don't think teen moms are any worse than other moms. I think teen moms have awesome potential, both as moms, and as women. I'm not here to quote statistics, just to offer my thoughts. And no, I'm not going to get all preachy about morals. I *try* not to judge, just as I don't want to be judged.
What's got me thinking about this is that I watched The Pregnancy Pact last night. Now now, I'm not going to go on about how I'm bitter...that's not what this is about. I'm no more jealous of teens who get pregnant than I am anyone else. But I really started to think...why is teen pregnancy so much more prevalent now than it was even 10 years ago? I can remember a girl or two who I graduated with (ok, so 15 years ago) that was pregnant or had a baby. But it wasn't common...by far. And let me tell you a secret about those girls. One of them was, not only an honors student, but had already started college. I don't buy into the fact that only "irresponsible" girls get pregnant.
So it can happen to anyone...including one of our children when the time comes. But that still doesn't tell WHY.
As I was watching this movie last night, one of the characters said she joined in the pact because she just wanted to be married with a baby. My first reaction was "Please...you're 15! What do you know?" But then...look at 15 year olds. A lot of them are a lot more grown up than we were. (Ha ha...I sound like my grandmother) But seriously...When I was 15, I didn't have the World Wide Web to introduce me to people, concepts, things that I wasn't ready for. My parents had far more control over what I was exposed to. Yes, I had responsibilities, and I'd like to think I was mature. I mean, at 16, I was riding in the front seat of an ambulance and in charge of patient care. But I don't think I even remotely thought I was ready for a baby. And some of these girls don't seem afraid. They are just completely excited.
I, honestly, blame the media. Not shows like 16 And Pregnant. I don't think the producers romanticize teen pregnancy at all. But look at what else is on MTV. The Real World. "Hey, when you grow up, you can party it up all the time!" Look at the videos. Sex is no longer something to be treasured, it's just another step into adulthood, or even just a way to be accepted. It's talked about all the time on TV. Talk shows, soap operas, even family sitcoms. And have you watched a Disney movie lately? (And why are the ugly people the bad guys? What are we teaching our children there? But that's another blog) But, thanks in part to the media, kids want to be grown ups sooner.
Not to mention that, because sex is EVERYWHERE, it's no longer taboo. Don't get me wrong, I think it's healthy to talk about sex...with someone you trust. As a teenager, yes, ideally, I do mean your parents. Or an aunt or uncle. But not Joe Cool at the lunch table. It's not sacred anymore. It's talked about pretty much whenever you turn on the tv. 50 years ago, it would have been shameful to show cleavage. Now, rather than embarrassing anyone, it just goes unnoticed. It's natural. If we are showing so much, what's left to treasure? What secrets are left? It used to be that a Montgomery Ward catalog was enough to get a boy excited (and embarrassed) But now? That's nothing they can't see walking through the mall.
I think we are forcing our kids to grow up too soon, and I think that's part of the problem. They are striving to do adult things too early, and they are far over exposed to sex. It makes me think that the families that insist on boys wearing shorts no higher than the knees and girls wearing skirts at least below the knee have the right idea.
I watched that movie as well :) And I actually disagree with a lot that you said.
ReplyDeleteShows like 16 and pregnant have been proven to cause some girls to get pregnant (I don't know stats) because they wanted to be on T.V. That isn't the biggest issue I have with that show though... while its goal is to prevent teen pregnancy and it does a good job of showing how hard teen pregnancy can be it also does a good job at showing those who are already pregnant that there is no hope... and those girls don't need to see that!
You are right about children having to grow up to quickly! But I don't blame the T.V. or the computer or how 'common' sex is.
I can use myself as an example. I wanted to get pregnant at age 13. I'd never had sex... I'd never even had a boyfriend! But I wanted a baby. I didn't even know what pregnancy was... I just knew I wanted to be a mom. It took me a while to figure it out and I finally realized just WHY I wanted to be a mom at such a young age.
My biological clock started to tick. Why? Because I was made to grow up to quickly... but not for the things you mentioned. It was because of the foster care system... sexual abuse... becoming a 'mom' to my sibling at the age of 2... things like that. Obviously this isn't true for everyone but just from the girls I've talked to the reason isn't how appealing sex is or knowing so much about sex... its NOT knowing.
I'm working on a teen pregnancy book and this book has 5 or 6 different stories in it about different girls who got pregnant during their teen years. A couple of those girls didn't truly realize that all it took was once... or that it could happen while switching birth control. Others thought it would save their relationship and then a couple others just wanted to have a baby (like me).
Out of all those girls none of them thought sex was awesome because of the TV. I don't think WE (a generalization) are forcing our kids to grow up to quickly... the world is. Younger kids are having to deal with adult problems because the adults of this time just can't seem to be able to. :/
That's just my thoughts on the matter. I wrote a blog on the movie the pregnancy pact as well. If you want to read it feel free to visit my blog and look under the label 'movie reviews'. Thanks for the nice read and being so non-judgemental about this topic!
I've never seen The Pregnancy Pact but I do know quite a bit about teen pregnancy, being a former teen mom myself. It's a stereotype I have tried to escape for the past four years simply because I don't fit. I endured much more than anyone should in a lifetime before I was 16 and met my husband. His upbringing was not great either.
ReplyDeleteI guess you could say that we were forced to grow up but we don't see it that way. We have been very blessed and are nothing but thankful for where God has led us. Our daugther, Emily, is now four and we were blessed to have Ethan in 2009 despite my health situation. At 22 my husband is enrolled in the police academy while I attend two universities completing my Associates and Bachelors programs. According to statistics, what we have and do is impossible. Teen parents our age don't support themselves, go to college, etc. let alone be respected in their community!
The teen pregnancy 'problem' is something that really frustrates me. Unfortunately we can't just pin the source at one thing like the media because how families function is a key role here. Parents don't get involved like they need to and when these teens become parents themselves, everyone seems to bow out and ridicule them instead of help.
The best that any of us can do is pray for these young parents as they try to navigate the world and help them to be the best parents that they can be. No matter what any of our opinions are about it, there are little, precious lives at stake here. These young parents may not be ready for what's ahead but that's why others need to step up and simply be there for them.
I've read so many terrible, judgemental articles lately about teen parents and it's so disheartening. I'm glad to see though that some people don't see all of us as irresponsible.