First...the pool is up! Well, I'm assuming it's still up, and that the cats haven't destroyed it overnight. Rest assured, I took pictures of the whole process! (Sorry, guys, can't help...gotta scrap it)
Randy got lots of laughs at my expense. It's IMPOSSIBLE for me to find a hair style I really like. Well, at least a picture of it. Much less a style and color I like. I mean, I've seen them on people, but I can't very well walk up to someone and ask to take a picture of their hair. Yesterday there was a show on we were watching and one of the people had hair that I LOVE! So, I kept pausing/rewinding the TV to get a good picture of it. I seriously have about 20 pictures of my TV from yesterday. On a side note, how awesome is it that we can pause and rewind live TV? (I say this about a week after we are set to get rid of cable...but that's a whole other post)
Now for the big stuff. Yesterday, I got to talk to a friend that I haven't talked to in forever. It was really nice to catch up, and we cleared the air on some things that I hadn't realized we needed to clear the air on. I'm so glad we did. Plus, it helps to have a friend dealing with some of the same issues.
She also brought something else to light. Now, I know people up in PA typically don't read my blog. And that's fine. So a lot of the people who need to see this won't. But apparently, according to them, I'm to blame for much of what's gone wrong in our relationship. To the point that I'm not sure I'm comfortable going up there anytime soon. I mean, I really don't care what people think, it's what my husband thinks that matters, but still....It hurts that some of my so called friends seemed to have forgotten that there are 2 sides to every story, and that, yes, there are definitely things I could have done much better, but that statement goes across the board. Really, though, all that matters is that Randy and I are working on our marriage. It's stronger than, I think, it ever was. I'm so grateful for that. And honestly, I'm grateful that Randy had people to turn to when he was hurting, just like I did. I'm grateful they had his back, just like my friends had mine. But it still hurts a little.
I'm glad I have this blog. Whether it ever gets read or commented on, I don't care. I can look back and see how much I've changed, how much I've grown. Someone made the comment that maybe my infertility was for the best because of our marriage issues. Well, first, that hurt deeply. It's like saying I deserve to be infertile. No one deserves this. When you have the means to physically, financially, emotionally spiritually care for a child, then no, infertility is not "for the best".
When I look back at my blog, I can see that the two times we've had major issues were centered around infertility. The issues themselves weren't, but I think I wasn't in the best mindset to deal with them. The first time was when we had the diagnosis of infertility. That's really hard for a woman to deal with. My body is failing to do what it was created to do. No matter the reason, it won't do it. That's a crushing blow to my womanhood. Randy and I want a big family, and because of ME we may not have that. I know he says he's ok with that, but still....I think a part of me worried that he would feel like he was missing out. The second time our marriage crumbled was when the 2 IUIs didn't work. I mean, if infertility treatment isn't even going to work, nothing will. At least that's what I remember thinking. I think the fact that I was so willing to give up on my marriage had a lot to do with some depression on my part. And, thanks to this blog, I'm able to see that.
Don't get me wrong, Randy and I still have our issues that we need to work on. But we ARE working on them. Everyone has issues. I can honestly say that our marriage is stronger right now than it ever has been. No matter what has gotten us to this point, I'm thankful that we're here.
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