Dear Cats....

First of all, I don't find it at all humerous that one of you cats picks on my sweet German Shepherd to the point that she won't walk in or out of a doorway if you are standing anywhere near it. It's certainly not amusing first thing in the morning when she really has to go out. Nor do I find it funny that you will run across the bed out of nowhere in the middle of the night to smack her, making her cry in the corner while she shakes in terror.
Are you enjoying being an outside cat now? Mocha likes that you are, and she is my favorite :)
Love,
Mom

Moving right along

Well, the blood test was negative. I had my little mini breakdown....the 2 days where, if Wyatt wasn't home, I was in bed. The hardest thing for me in all of this is that I keep applying a label to myself. *Infertile* I just never thought that would be me.

So, we are taking a break. It's a good thing, really. I mean, it hurts, but...it's for the best. (And, be forewarned, if you tell me "oh, now that you're not trying, you'll be pregnant in no time" I may very well strangle you. It's anatomically impossible)

You know, I, of course, have spent many a prayer on this very situation. First it was to get pregnant, then it was for peace in whatever happens, now it's for the next step. (And, yes, there's still that part of me that wants to yell "HELLO God! Can't you hear me? I'm being a good girl and saying my prayers, why won't you answer them?" But, I know that's not the way it works) Anyway, so now that I've been praying for the next step, it seems like every time I turn around there's something about adoption. Now, I'm not saying that's what our next step is, and I'm not quite ready to give up on being pregnant again. But, it's something I'm really looking into and researching. Obviously, I'm very pro adoption, as I have a beautiful adopted niece, and, of course, my hubby was adopted. I just don't know that I"m ready to give up on being pregnant on purpose. I do wish my sister in law and I were closer, so I could talk to her. I wish my mother in law was still alive. I'd love to get their viewpoints on this. (For those who are confused, Randy's dad remarried before I met Randy) Maybe I will send my sister in law an email today.

Anyway, there was something else I was going to write, and now I can't remember what it was.

Lots to do today...gotta clean up around here, make my cooking list for T-Day, do some laundry, look into volunteering at the animal shelter, and get ready for Randy's birthday dinner with my parents tonight. (I even got a baby sitter!!! WAHOO!!!)

Here I sit....

having been up since 3 am. Sam apparently swallowed a sock and it didn't agree with him. Guess who heard him throw it up? Ahhh....the life of a mom.

It's really ok though. Another negative home pregnancy test...I used a lot of the time this morning to think, reflect on this weekend, and pray. I have about 10 hours left to hope that I *might* be pregnant, before the doctor's office calls with the blood work results.

I really have so very much to be thankful for. My family is truly blessed. And I'm not even really sad about the pregnancy thing...I'm more numb about it.

This weekend at the Women of Faith conference, they had several speakers. I had been told it would be a funny and emotional weekend. Friday they were HILARIOUS! These people could be comedians! Saturday...well, Saturday was full of tears. I'm not a crier (Unless I"m on hormone medication) Let me preface this by saying that I know myself, and I know I tend to look on the bright side of things. But I knew that, somewhere inside me, there was this devistated woman desperate for a baby. And I knew it was all going to come out, I just didn't know when. There was a woman there doing one woman skits. She was amazing...you forgot there was only one person on the stage. She did one about going to the doctors office for the first tme and confirming a home pregnancy test. There was more to it, it was mostly about dealing with feelings of pregnancy after an abortion she had in her early 20s. When she had her "ultrasound" the sound of a baby's heartbeat filled the colliseum. That devistated woman inside me? She made herself known. I can honestly say that I don't think I've cried that hard in a very long time, if ever. My body shook with sobs. But even in the midst of those tears, I was so grateful to finally have release, and to have it surrounded by women who would support me, hold me up, pray with me, and just make me feel better. I think if I had that breakdown anywhere else, it would have been devistating.

Now I sit here, and I really still feel so emotionally exhausted. There was a lot more that went on this weekend that affected me, but nothing like that. It was such a wonderful weekend, and I feel like I've really made a great bond with one of the women. Elaine and I were roommates, and her son and Wyatt are friends at school. She and I sat up and talked about a lot of things we wouldn't have otherwise been able to. It was really nice. And I did need to let go of all that negativity. I still have a sliver of hope that maybe I might still be pregnant, but I'm realistic enough to know that I'm probably not.

You know what? I really am ok with that. Sure, it hurts a little, and I question if taking a break after this cycle is really what I want to do, but...God has a plan. I know He does. I wish He would clue me in. I know that all of this is just a step in getting me where I'm meant to be. There are a few things swirling around in my brain about what I may or may not do in the coming months. I'm going to be brave and start a diet the week of Thanksgiving. Isn't there some kind of reward for that? There should be. I'm going to work on repairing the relationships that I've accidently put on the back burner for all this craziness. I need to be me again, not some crazed person, always thinking about what's happening in my body. I'm going to re-evaluate my bucket list, and I hope to have a new one by the New Year.

There are a few ideas in my head that I'm not quite ready to share with anyone yet. I need to sort out how I feel about them first. No worries, I will share them with you all eventually. Maybe. If you're lucky

I need this weekend!!

I am going away for the weekend. A group of ladies from my church is going to a Women of Faith conference. I really think I need it for this weekend. There's still a glaring white space where a pink line should be. And, you know, I really think it's for the best. I prayed about it, and I really do feel more peaceful. It's amazing what a difference it makes when I just turn it over to God.

We are on this bus, and I am so happy that we are in SC, because there is no heat! Brrr. It's chilly. And here I was worrying about how to keep my meds cold

This lady that I'm with is such a sweetheart. Her son and Wyatt are good friends. And it's so funny, she reminds me so much of a good friend of mine. She carries herself the same way, she even favors her with her features. So cute.

I'm trying to decide if I want to take a nap or not. I think I might. 3:15 was awfully early to get up this morning.

I'm thinking about doing The Love Dare again. Things wth Randy and I have seemed so awkward lately. I think it's just that we are constantly together. Hopefully now that he's back to work it will really help, even if it's only part time. We had gone so long barely seeing each other because of our work schedules, that to suddlenly be together all the time is...well...a lot. And it doesn't help that I spent the last couple of days in one of those funks that makes it hard for me to even get off the couch. I really need to start being more motivated.

A very bitter vent

I think I need to get this out. And I won't lie, it's not going to be pretty. I am going to come across as bitter and mean, but I need to let it go.

It's. Not. Fair. If you have a child, and have told me that you effing hate him, I will not be happy when you get pregnant again. Nor will I feel sorry for you when you spend your mornings with your head in the toilet.

Don't you DARE tell me that I need to relax. Once I'm spending over 1,000 per month to get pregnant, relaxing is out the window.

If you've been trying for less than 6 months, don't tell me you know how I feel. You don't. Until you've been told that you need to be treated for infertility, you really don't have a clue.

Don't start suggesting my options. If you don't have access to my medical files, and don't spend an unordinary about of time in my home, you don't know what's best for my family.

I think EVERY baby is a blessing. That being said...if you are in a brand new relationship, and find you're pregnant, don't expect me to want to shout my joy from the rooftops. Just because I will love your baby doesn't mean that I have to love your pregnancy. (Please note, there are some people whose pregnancy I would love. Others, not so much)

Don't tell me I'm lucky my house is so quiet. I'd give anything for it to be loud. I WANT to put my life on hold to take care of a baby.

I wanted, dreamed of, having children close together. That is not possible anymore. Don't expect me to not grieve over the loss of my dreams.

Don't be afraid to tell me you're pregnant. Just be sensitive to the fact that it may not be easy. But trust me, it will be much easier to hear it from you with some care than it will to hear it in public. And if I'm happy, it's genuine.

Ask me how things are going. Believe me, it's always in the back of my mind.

Don't ever assume you know how I feel. I don't always know how I feel.

There's a big white spot

where I want that 2nd line to be. And, for some reason, this month it hurts more than ever before. I've had this sense that things didn't work this month, so I'm not really surprised. And, after this month we are taking a break. Logically, I think it's a good idea, but emotionally, it's hard. A friend actually told me that we should start researching what it takes to put my eggs and Randy's stuff in someone else. I'm not at that point yet! We've only had 2 IUIs! I think we are definitely at the point that I'm just not going to talk to her about it. And, really, maybe waiting is a blessing in disguise. I can use the time we are waiting to lose weight and exercize more. I refuse to let this drag me down. There are positives in every situation!

Yesterday Randy and I went shopping, and aside from a few small things...I'm done Christmas shopping! The only thing I might get still is one of those bigger riding toys for Wyatt, only if it's on sale on Black Friday. I can't believe I don't even need to go Black Friday shopping. That is just weird.

Tomorrow I am leaving for a Women of Faith conference. I am so excited. If there was anytime I needed it, it's now! 2 moms who lost children that go to Wyatt's school are going as well. I think that will help remind me that things could be much much worse.

Who came up with that phrase "lost someone" They aren't lost.

So, after this weekend it's time to look back into diets (grr) and the gym. How exciting.

Who brought a fan?

And will they share? Although, I have to say, the cure for hot flashes is simply to fall asleep with the windows open. (Disclaimer: this works better when it's say....56 degrees than when it's in the 80s)

So we went to the South Carolina State Fair yesterday. Ya know how they say the fry everything in the south? I've seen fried pickles (although those are big in PA too), fried Snickers, fried Oreos...but yesterday...I saw fried butter. I'd like to know if that comes with a side of cardiologist. Wyatt had fun. We are now broke, lol. We did spend a lot of money, but it was worth it. I took lots of pictures, although they got repetitive, since he rode the same 3 rides over and over for hours. I promise one day I will get around to posting pictures.

Let's see...there's something else I was gonna tell y'all....I have no clue what it was. I need to update my blogging profile, I know that. But I wasn't gonna tell y'all that. Hmm. Who knows.

Lots to do today...gotta finish finding a home for 3-4  more boxes full of stuff, laundry, room mom stuff.... We have a big fall fest thing tomorrow and I have to go in and have the kids help me make a sign. And after school today I start my child care job. I'm watching 3 kids for one of my friends from church. 2 of them are in school all day, and it's only 2-3 days a week, so it's perfect. Just enough to keep me from going insane...either from boredom or a jillion kids :-)

What is it about Fall that makes your weekends so busy? We don't have a "free" weekend until December. Craziness. But I love it.

Coming soon....my thoughts on crunchy motherhood. I need to figure them out, then I'll fill y'all in ;)

There is nothing better...

....than the smell of bread baking. My mouth hasn't stopped watering. Mmmm. I can smell the cinnamon. Yum-o.

So, the past 2 days have been a bit rough. As if the phone call from the doctor confirming I wasn't pregnant wasn't enough, the first "friend" I made down here posted on facebook the very next day that she was pregnant. I'm excited for her, but I was quite hurt that she didn't think. We would have been due the same week. Don't get me wrong, she has every right to shout it from the rooftops, but I guess I kinda wish I had been given SOME kind of warning. Randy said he saw it, but didn't want to say anything. (Um...cause I'm not checking facebook hourly he thought I might not see it?) I called a good friend, met her for lunch, had a good cry, prayed about it, and now I'm better. Like the good friend pointed out, who wants to be pregnant the EXACT same time as someone else? Then it gets competitive. Who looks cuter? Whose baby kicked first? Blah blah blah. Besides, we are letting Wyatt skip school for the state fair tomorrow, and I wouldn't be able to ride rides if there was a wee one. I was bitter and jealous, but I truly believe I'm over it. Now, I can't say that I'll be thrilled to hear her complain about morning sickness (Because, really, I'd give ANYTHING for it) but, I will put on a smile and wish her well anyway.

Yesterday I went to Wyatt's soccer game. Let me tell you what Super Goalie (Wyatt) did. He was swinging from the goal post, and it fell on top of him. That's right, my all star athlete was attacked by the goal. *Sigh* Although, when he was on the field, he did kick 2 away from the goal, so there's progress! (The most action he had on the field last year was picking his nose)

I did decide that I needed to log out of this message board I'm on for other women going through infertility treatments. I won't tell you how many sticks I peed on in the last week, but let's just say the high number was encouraged. It got to the point that all I wanted to do was post or check for replies. I had to walk away. And I really do feel better for it. I look at it this way...I've been through a cycle, so now I know what to expect. I'm not going to second guess every little twinge. When I go in for the IUI I won't be nervous, because I know how it will feel. So I guess I"m really pretty lucky that way :)

We have to replace our heat pump. We knew we would this fall, but, well, I waited until the last minute. We had been planning on having to spend 4,000.00 based on an estimate my dad was given. Get this...it's only ONE thousand! What a relief!! He did tell us that the outside portion still had a couple of good years left. WAHOO!!!

Someone let me off!!!

What is it about weekend and roller coasters? Let's just say that this weekend was another one, and I'm anxious to see what my blood work shows today.

I have to say this...last nights sermon felt like it was written for me. I really can't go into detail without feeling like I'm talking about some of the other church members, but it was SUCH a comfort. I really found like this is *it* ya know? Like we are where we are supposed to be. Funnily enough, we moved here to be closer to my dad (and, well, further from the snow) and I've only seen my dad a handful of times. Yet, this is home. We've already made some friends that I think we will be friends with for life. Make no mistake, they will never replace my girls!!

I have so much to get done today. I should probably work on it rather than blog, but, well, my poor little blog has been neglected. Besides, it's only 5 am. This is *my time*. I get up early just for these precious moments. I need to update my Homemakers' Notebook, and clean up for a bible study we are hosting tonight. In the process of all this, I also have to wait for the phone call from the doctor's office.

Quite honestly, if I'm pregnant, it will, of course, be great. If I'm not, I'm really ok with it. It's just not quite the right time. Remember that blog about how I can say things are in God's hands if we're doing fertility treatments? Well....this is how. God decided this month wasn't right. Maybe next month will be. I can tell you that God has a plan for us. Naturally, I pray that includes a pregnancy and healthy child, but there is no way to know. I do know that He is doing what's best for us, even if we don't realize it.

So, my son, who just 6 months ago was saying "Twust me Mommy, God isn't real!" has changed so much. Over the weekend we were at dinner, and Wyatt wanted to move to sit next to Randy. I pouted and said I didn't want to sit alone. He told me "Mommy, you're never alone! God is always with you". Indeed.

Roller Coaster

Ladies, this has been a roller coaster of a weekend!

So, my progesterone level was actually a third of what it was supposed to be. High enough that I'd be able to get pregnant, but not to sustain a pregnancy. So I was devistated. I think I cried all night Saturday. And of course, I could do the supplements, but they are by prescription only, and the office was closed Sunday. Pure devistation. I wasn't upset just because the cycle didn't work, it was that I didn't think we had done everything we possibly could have, and that's not acceptable. But, I still prayed, and yes, I still thanked Jesus for letting us get to where we have, and that at least we had the knowledge to do better next cycle. There is so much to be thankful for. I literally was upset for about 20 minutes, and then just turned around, knowing the Lord has a better plan.

Sunday things we status quo. We were busy with church and running errands. At church we dedicated the new sanctuary. That service was AMAZING and affected me in a way that no service ever has before. I had goosebumps, tears...oh God is good indeed!

Monday, I called the office FIRST THING. Then I went out for a mini girls day with my neighbor, who is like a little sister. Well, the RE's office called, assured me my results were normal, but said that they would put me on the supplement if I wanted. I told her yes, I did, and so they called one in. I start today. I got home to look on one of my message boards and post that I was going to start, and something caught my eye. A woman said somethign about having her level checked 8 days after her IUI. Wait...8 days? Mine was 4 days later. So off the the search engine I go. Most levels are checked 7 or 8 days later. Sounds positive, but how much do the levels increase daily? I needed to know if my level would have been normal at that 7 or 8 day mark. After a lot of research, I believe it would be. But, at the low end. So, I'm going to take the supplement anyway. It won't hurt. I talked to a couple of girls who started the supplement at 1 week after their IUI, so I know I'm not starting it late.

Know what all this taught me? Prayer works.

Is anyone even reading these?

OK, so, I was totally calm. I was so impressed by how calm I was. Then they called today with my progesterone level. They really only do that to ensure that I ovulated. Well, that wasn't my issue, so I assumed I had. Was it enough for me that they confirmed it? Nooooo I had to ask what the number was. Which means I have spent the afternoon obsessing about it. It's in the right range, depending on where you look, but would it be higher if there was more than one egg? And I thought it was supposed to be higher when you are on fertility meds?

I keep trying to remind myself to stop and breathe. This whole thing is just such a process, and I need to be patient. But you knwo how you feel when you're on a really long road trip, and you finally get to your destination state? You are soooo close, but just not there yet. You're excited, but so tired. That's how I feel.

Speaking of tired. The pregnancy hormone is in my system still. And boy, do I feel it. I'm sooo tired. And I opened a take out container of wings earlier, and wanted to run to the bathroom. And the heartburn! I promise not to complain when I have pregnancy symptoms because I'm pregnant, however, I reserve the right to complain when they are a result of the meds.

I still really am over all optimistic about this process, and about it working this month. It's just that, for the first time, I don't know what the numbers mean, exactly. I don't like the not knowing.

I made a playlist on my iPod. It's basically just songs that are mellow and slow and can be applied to pregnancy. I listen to that for at least half hour a day, and just try to visualize all the things I hope are going on in my body. And, of course I pray. After all, that's really all I can do, and believe me, that is one of my priorities.

Yesterday

Soo...I guess now I'm in that 2ww. I triggered Sunday at 7:30pm, and my IUI was yesterday (Tuesday) at 8:30 am. Saturday I had 5 follies at least 13mm, and DH had a washed count of 60 mil. They sound like good odds to me


I took a home pregnancy test this am (Yes, I obsess enough that I will probably take one every day to know when the trigger's out of my system) it was a faint positive. (The HcG shot that I had Sunday will make it positive for a few days. I want to know when that is out of my system so I will know when to look for a "real" positive)

My RE was so awesome. First, the IUI was super easy. I was shocked when it was over! Then she rubbed my feet and said it's her special fertility massage. Too cute! Then she turned out the lights, elevated my hiney, and told me to lay quietly for 15 minutes and visualize sperm meeting egg.

It was a great day, until we went to lunch. I started to feel crampy, so we left, and as we were leaving, the manager of the restaurant was by the front door talking to a server He said in a booming voice, just as we walked between the 2 of them "anyone in this world can get pregnant and have a baby". I think I showed amazing restraint in not ripping his face off. I didn't go back and tell him a thing or 2, but I did send a VERY strongly worded message to the company.

Anyway, all that aside, now I'm just chillaxing. Waiting for progesterone test Sat, and hoping there's a big party in my uterus

A horrible tragedy

Last year, 2 students at Wyatt's school died. One had swine flu, and another (a kindergartner at the time) had a spontaneous ruptured spleen. So much tragedy for such a small school in a small town.

Sunday, there was a horrible car accident that took the lives of 3 students at Wyatt's school. I have to say it is one of the worst accidents I've ever heard of. I think that really means something, coming from someone with my experience. 2 of the boys were brothers. They were all in their teens. The police can't even say for sure who was driving, as the bodies are all too damaged. There was a fire. The students were told that the boys died on impact, but a neighbor heard screams, which is what drew his attention. The licence plate was so damaged that the boys were identified by an LMA book that had flown out of the car. The police officer called the principal and they figured out who the boys were. Such an awful tragedy. I can't help but feel grateful that it didn't touch Wyatt personally. Dropping him off at school, I have to walk through the middle school hallway. It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. I have faith that those boys are resting peacefully. Hug your loved ones a little tighter...noone is guaranteed another day

It's go time!

Well, today is the most important day for the whole process (thus far) We are on our way to Columbia for the IUI. (Yes, I'm blogging on the way there. This morning was hectic...helloooo...it's only 5:30) As much as I love y'all, at this point the blog is more for me to remember how I felt during this whole process than it is to keep you informed.

And, how do I feel, you ask? I'm not at all nervous. Last night when I went to bed, I was surprised not to be nervous, and expected to wake up wanting to hurl. Oddly enough, that's not the case. Well, I guess it really isn't odd. I feel like I've been praying constantly this cycle, especially since the follicle scan on Saturday. I'm always saying prayers in my head, and I wholeheartedly believe that has made such a huge difference. I have such a peace about everything, because I know it's in God's hands. Saturday night we had Ladies Night at church, and I know I've got that wonderful group of women lifting me in prayer. So, I'm not at all nervous. And didn't the doctor say the most important thing I could do is relax? If these little twinges in my lower abdoman would go away, that would help, but I kinda like knowing that stuff's going on down there.

Someone asked me how I could say that I'm leaving it in God's hands when I'm using medical science to get pregnant. Well, there is the obvious...He gave them the knowledge and tools. Plus, it's still not an exact science. I mean, there's no way of knowing exactly how many eggs I have, or guaranteeing that they will fertilize or "stick" once they do. That is all up to God. Otherwise, why does this work for some people and not for others? Not that I dont credit Dr Whitman at all....but God also has a part in all this

So, speaking of relax...Last night Wyatt was in his room, and one of those Sense and Spray things was in there (It had been in the guest room, I guess the turd moved it) Anyway, it sprayed right in his eye. There was so much commotion trying to figure out what had happened. I originally thought he hit his eye on the corner of a box. Once I figured out what it was, I carried him to the sink and tried to pour water in it. That didn't go over well. I've never heard such shrill screams coming from a child that small. I knew (hoped) if he'd just open his eyes, it would help. After what seemed like forever, but in reality was 20 minutes or so, just as we were getting ready to go to the ER, I got an idea (The only reason we didn't go in sooner was that there were tears coming out of his eye, so it was flushing) My poor cat...I scooped him up, and made him dance like a puppet across the table. Wyatt opened his eyes to see it, and started laughing. Poor Bailey was doing kicks worthy of Broadway. Can I just tell you how great it feels to hear Wyatt laugh?

I feel like we should be at the doctor's already. It's over 90 minutes away, but I just wish we would get there. Actually, I don't. I'm at so much peace right now, I'm afraid of what I will be feeling after the fact. Even though we don't have to, Randy and I decided I'm pretty much gonna stay in bed today. I just don't want to look back and say "what if". Yay, it's Pamper Mommy Day!! Although, I am kinda bummed to miss Wyatt's soccer game tonight. There will be more, I know.

I dont' know if it's all in my head or not, but I definitely feel "something" going on down there. I guess so, with the possibility of 5 eggs. Thank God she put me on the lowest does of Clomid!

Alright, time to sign off. Gonna read and immerse myself in someone else's life, even if it is fictional

Sooo.....

let me just say, PRAISE GOD it is finally cooling off! Bring on Fall, baby!

Well, yesterday I went in for my follicle scan. Now, keep in mind that not every follicle will create an egg. And, of course, not every egg will fertilize. That being said, I have FIVE follicles. That just brings a whole new level of fear. What if it still doesn't work? What if it does...too well? Once I get pregnant, what if the circlage doesn't work, especially if there's more than one? I know I can only do this one day at a time, and really, although it doesn't seem like it, I'm super relaxed. I just rely on God, and knwo that He has a plan. This has been an incredible lesson in patience. And, I have to admit, I have learned not to take pregnancy/infancy for granted.

Now, just waiting for Tuesday. Tonight I have to take an hcg trigger shot, then Tuesday morning we go in for the IUI!! Bring it on!!!

Finally!

It's beginning to look a lot like Autumn! We are supposed to have temps in the 70s all week. WAHOO! I was starting to lose hope. :) Just in time for me to break out the decorations. Yay! I am excited. Fall is my favorite time of year.

I can't believe how well the house is coming together. It's amazing how a few coats of paint can really transform the look and feel of a room. I can't wait until we get the new floors in so I can post before and after pictures. I really am proud of the work Randy and I have done...and we're nowhere near finished, but it's such a huge transformation already! We're just focusing on the living room and kitchen/dining room right now, but those are the rooms we are in all the time, so it's what's important to us to get done first. The rest of the rooms really just need paint. Oh, and we do need to look into replacing the front door before winter. That isn't a super huge deal though. Really it's the screen door that needs to be replaced. The front door should be good as new with a coat of paint. (Leftover Kills paint from the kitchen...WOOT!)

So, we went to the beach Saturday. We had a lot of fun. Wyatt is such a beach baby. I got some shopping in (Not all for me! We got Christmas started) Randy and I want to try to go back and spend the night in a month or so to get some more Christmas shopping done. I'm actually behind. Usually by now I have a list made up of who is getting what. I'm a slacker!

We planned/booked a mini-vacay in December. Wyatt will miss 2 days of school, but I will get his work. We are going to Great Wolf in Williamsburg. It's perfect in timing, in that I will have just finished the 3rd IUI and will be needing the vacation if it hasn't worked. I have complete faith that it will, but just in case....If we don't get pregnant, or get pregnant with just one, we are going to get a camper. We found one for about 5000. With so much of our family so far away, I really think it's a great idea. And I'm ok taking one infant camping, but no more than that!! Besides, if we have more than one, I really want to trade the truck in for a minivan or a crossover. I don't want to deal with trying to get more than one baby UP into the truck. That thing makes me feel short!

Let's move along, shall we?

So I went in for my baseline ultrasound yesterday. My ovaries are clear, and I was given the go ahead to start Clomid. The ultrasound tech made a gasp noise as she was doing the U/S, and I asked her why. Turns out, my cervix is the smallest she's seen. She said I'd need a circlage. I told her I had been pretty sure I would, so there was no great surprise. I go back in Oct 2 for a Follicle Scan. There, they will see how many mature follicles I have. (Basically, they will estimate how many eggs I will release this cycle) Then they let me know when to do the trigger shot, and 36 hours later I will get pregnant, in theory. Randy can't go to the FS because Wyatt has soccer pictures. Ah well, that's not the one he needs to be at. And who really wants to see their wife's ovaries on a fuzzy black and white TV screen? I did realize yesterday that if I get pregnant this cycle, I will have a June baby. I feel that my odds just skyrocketed :) (I have been pregnant with 3 June babies) So that's what's going on there.

I woke up this morning to find my husband put not one, but TWO coats of paint on the kitchen walls last night. Wow. I can't believe he got so much done. I am spoiled :) Plus, I think he knows to just do what he can to keep me happy when I'm on Clomid. Imagine a lion in a cage at the zoo, and the zookeeper kind of throwing food through the bars. Yeah, that's us right now.

Wyatt's doing really well in soccer. He participates so much more this year than he did last year. School is going ok, this week so far he's had 3 "green faces" (for good behavior). He had one yellow, (or maybe it was red) but that's ok, we are focusing on the green ones. He does really well with reading. His handwriting is really where I see a huge need for improvement. We are working on it!

Bwahahaha

Whoda thought I'd be so happy to see my period? I'm so ready for this month. Bring it on!!! I am gonna tackle this infertility thing. Trish offered to vacuum the cobwebs out of my uterus and put up a "For Rent-9 Month Lease" sign. That is a true friend!

I'm going tomorrow for a baseline ultrasound. I also start Clomid tomorrow (again). Hot flashes and mood swings, here I come! And sometime Friday, my injections shall arrive. Wow. I still...I'm just amazed that this is all really happening. Really, it's in a good way though. When I woke up with cramps this morning, I told myself it's just a step. One more step in the whole process. I keep catching myself looking at baby & maternity stuff again. I'm trying not to, but I don't even think about it. I need to stop the madness!

In the meantime, we are trying to get as much done with the house as possible in the next week and a half. I am going to try to take it easy after the IUI. I know everyone says it doesn't matter, and I do look at all that I did when I was pregnant with Wyatt (Not that it was bad, but I definitely didn't stop EMS), I know that the human body is amazing and can tolerate a lot. But I am going to be hyper-careful. The first person to tell me that I'm being overly cautious will get a cup of coffee dumped on their head. (No, I will not be giving up coffee, however, in every other way I will be a docile, perfect expecting madre)

Wyatt's behavior lately....oy. Duct tape. I think I need to invest in some. Soon.

We had a special visit last night.....

...from the Tooth Fairy!

He was soooo funny. I thought he was handing me a booger, and I was getting ready to tell him to get a tissue when he said "Mommy! It's my tooth!" We were so excited!!!

Now, mind you, this is after bedtime on a Sunday night in the bible belt. Where is a Tooth Fairy to go to get a 5.00 bill? (The going rate for a lost tooth...but in this house, only the first time) NOTHING was open, so the good Fairy left a 2.00 bill. The bad part is that we don't want him to spend it, so I think The Bank of Mom and Dad will cash it in for quarters.

My house is SO cluttered! There is stuff everywhere. I refuse to stress about it. (Ommmm) It will all get put away. Everytime I start to get a little antsy, I will just picture a nursery or something. I really do need to start that Yoga.

Oh, yeah, this all means that Randy is here! They postponed the settlement AGAIN on Friday, but only for a few hours. So he got in about half hour before we had help show up on Saturday. And can I just tell you how humbled I was? There were a few people who showed up from the church I visited ONCE. And they all offered to come back if needed. The HUGE UHaul was unloaded in less than 2 hours. Those people are such wonderful blessings. It's what a church is supposed to be. 

TV shows belong in the toilet

I'm sitting here drinking coffee and watching Boy Meets World, which is the typical start to my morning. I was thinking about why I stay so attached to this show. I think, actually, it's because there really aren't any family friendly sitcoms. There's reality TV everywhere, and some of it is family friendly. But nothing like the good ones. Home Improvement, The Nanny, they all seem to be things of the past. Prime time TV is a joke.

Anyway, that's my rant for today, I suppose.

I am so excited!! Today is Friday, and that means that my husband will FINALLY be home, I will finally have all our stuff, and we can get settled. I can make this place a home. (Not to mention settlement is today, so I can go grocery shopping) Wyatt can't wait either :)

I can't wait for my period to start. Then I get to start the whole process for the IUI. I feel so positive about this. I really do. I'm fully prepared that it may not work the first cycle. But at least now I feel like I'm DOING something about the infertility. I did catch myself looking at baby stuff yesterday and planning a nursery. I try not to do that, because that just gets a little emotional.

Ah well, it's time to get my day going. Monster child needs to get to school.

Ha! Further proof that men are wrong :)

Yesterday I had an appointment with my fertility doctor down here. I had in my mind the perfect scenario of what would happen...that she would run more tests and then we could start IUI (which, in a nutshell is artificial insemination, but with Randy's stuff...That just helps it get to where it needs to go). In reality, I knew she might not have my records from Hershey, and that she may very well take the view of my last Dr...that I should just be grateful for what I have.

I prayed the entire way to the appointment. (And it was an hour and a half drive...without getting lost. However, when you get lost it takes 2 hours and 10 minutes) I walked into her office and felt completely overwhelmed. It was HUGE, much larger than at Hershey, and she is the only Dr. Hershey's was shared among 4 or 5. I thought there was no way she was really going to listen to me and my concerns.

I went back and a nursing student took my vitals (and they were wrong). Then the medical assistant came in and asked all the same questions I had already answered. They were doing some surgical procedures, so Dr. Whitman-Ella was running just a little behind. Then she came in.

The first thing I noticed was how kind her eyes were. She went over my history with me (including the cervical surgery and subsequent severe blood loss) and reviewed our test results from Hershey Med. I expressed my concern about the cervial surgery and then braced myself for her opinion that it doesn't matter, the cervix plays such a small role in the pregnancy, blah blah blah. (Which is what Dr Dodson said, and what I've seen frequently on the internet) She looked at me and said she was convinced that was the problem, and that, assuming I was ok with it, we would start IUI next cycle. Those of you who know me can attest that the fact I was rendered speechless was pretty amazing. Dr Whitman asked what fertility enhancers I wanted. She agreed with me that something would be a good idea to increase the chances of it working by producing more eggs, and that it does increase the quality of the eggs. I told her whatever it was, I wanted it low dose, since I do produce eggs on my own. She agreed.

She got called into surgery at that point. But she took the time to explain the IUI protocol to me, and asked if I had any questions. At no point did I feel even a little rushed. I did ask her what could I do to increase the chances of the procedure working, aside from taking pre-natals. Then I waited for her to tell me that my weight was an issue (Remember...the other doctor said he didn't really want to touch me until I lost 20 pounds. I never went back on Weight Watchers) She looked at me and said to do accupuncture, then changed her mind because of the bleeding disorder, so she suggested Yoga. She basically just told me to relax. She said she saw no need for me to worry about losing weight; that while I'm not at the ideal weight, it's not enough to hinder my fertillity. I could have kissed her. Trish wants to bake a cake for her. This woman is so kind. Her assistant came in and reviewed the IUI protocol with me (Back on Clomid, oh joy).

I left the office in tears, I was so happy. I feel a huge sense of relief. I know I've been saying that I knew I would have another baby, but deep down, I was so terrified that I wouldn't be able to carry my own child. I have nothing against adoption (without it, who knows where Randy would be), but I really wanted to be pregnant again, and to experience being happy about the 2nd line. I hadn't realized how much hope I had lost until I had it back. I am so thankful that I found Dr Whitman. Who knew? All the research I did on Dr Dodson, and I hated him, but assumed his physician skills made up for his lack of bedside manner. I found Dr Whitman on the internet, and did little research beyond her certifications and success rates. I am so thankful that I've found her. She and her staff are so amazingly wonderful.

There aren't words

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, For thou art with me- Psalm 23

May we never forget. Rest peacefully, Angie

Can't I just read fast?

So I'm at the library today. Every 3 days I'm in there returning books and checking out new ones (You can only check out 3 by the same author at a time, and I'm in a GREAT series) So the librarian says something about how I should finish the books before I bring them back.... I told her I do finish them. She says "Oh, do you just scan over them?" "Um, no, I read them" "You must have nothing to do" "Well, my house is clean, everyone stays taken care of, I just read fast" "You mean you speed read" "well, no, I absorb it all, I've just always been a fast reader" "You must not have a life" "Yes, I hve a very full one" "Do you watch TV?" "No" So then she smiles and says "I didn't think so" *sigh I mean, really, I just can't make this stuff up.

In the past week and a half, I have not slept more than 4 hours in any given night. If anything, I *might* doze off for about 10 minutes while Wyatt's in school, but it's not like I get a nap. I cut back on coffee. (I tried to totally cut it out....HA!) I only drink one cup a day, maybe 2, and never after noon. And I don't consume any other caffeine. I don't get it. I was drinking 2-4 cups, usually one around 3. I'm thinking maybe cutting back the caffeine may be why I can't sleep. I mean, I am left handed. I tend to do things backwards.

I can't wait to get back on Weight Watchers. I'm waiting until Randy is here and I do the major grocery shopping to switch. I felt so much better. And I'm definitely looking forward to the water yoga class 2 days a week. I just can't wait to have that relaxing time, and it can only make me feel better :) Heyyy...that should cancel out me not totally giving up coffee, right? I'm gonna say yes :)

I talked to one of the moms in Wyatt's class. She goes to the same church we do. She is so nice. I'm so excited. And this Sunday, Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages will be there. Woot!

Soooo not in Kansas anymore

I just dropped my dad off at the airport. Now, keep in mind that I grew up in the DC area. To me, and airport is not a building...it's a complex. You have to choose one of 6 lanes to get to where you need to go. And you know that scene in National Lampoons where Clark says "Look kids...Parliment" over and over? That's what it's like with the terminal. Not so down here. If you don't pay attention, you miss THE turn into the airport. Thats right, kids. The one and only turn. There's one lane. I literally drove in one circle, stopping long enough to let my dad out in front of the terminal. (Yes, I put it in park and everything...I did more than just slow down and give him the boot) I didn't get lost even once trying to get in and out. I'm amazed. Last time I was at Regan National, it seemed like weeks before I figured out where I was going, with a couple of wrong turns along the way...and that wasn't even my first time there.

Wyatt's doing so much better with the schedule in the mornings. He's getting ready on time, with some to spare. Most of that was me figuring out what to allow and what to put my foot down on. He's supposed to have his first practice soccer practice tonight, but there's no coach, so I don't know if they are still going ot have it.

Randy left this morning for PA. There was an issue he needed to take care of, and he's just going to stay until settlement, which was changed from September 1 to Sept 17. This has been the most frustrating process. I'm so sick of calling people and changing things. I feel like that's all I'm doing. But, there is a reason for it all, and I'm trying to be patient. Easier said than done though.

I know, I know. I'm sorry!

I haven't written in about 2 weeks. I'm sorry! I'm a terrible blogger. We haven't settled on the house in PA yet (grrr) so we haven't been able to do some stuff down here...like get internet. So for now I'm using Verizon Wireless for internet and it STINKS!

Wyatt has started his school (He's been going for 2 weeks now) He goes to Laurence Manning Academy, and he LOVES it. Homework...well, that he's not so thrilled with. I don't have the heart to tell him it gets harder than tracing and coloring. We've finally figured out our afternoon routine. When he gets home he gets half hour to do whatever, then he sits down to do homework. At first I was having him do homework right away, and that was NOT working. This new routine seems to work well. Let's hope it stays that way!

Mornings....ahhh....mornings are NOT easy in our house. Unless, of course, I want to sleep in. Then he's up at the crack of dawn. But on a school day, I have to drag him out of bed. I thought I had at least 10 years until I had to deal with this kinda stuff!

Wyatt has a loose tooth :) He's so cute, now every book that he checks out of the library is about loose teeth. They get to check out a book, bring it home, and once they read it to mom or dad, it goes back and a new one comes home. Apparently our library has a lot of books about loose teeth.

Wyatt's school's athletic logo is an orange paw. Wyatt now insists that we be fans of Clemson, since they have the same orange paw. *Sigh* He really is growing up so fast, but I didn't expect to have his college picked out already!

Randy is down here. Originally he wasn't going to be here until after settlement, but his last day of work came and went, and settlement didn't, so....here he is :)

Alright, I must go nudge the boy. More like jump on his bed, since that's what it takes to wake him up.

Well, hello there....

Remember me? I'm that crazy lady who is supposed to write in this thing every day, and has failed miserably lately. BUT I have an excuse. It's been crazy busy trying to get in all our good byes.

The trailer is packed. (Yes, I'm towing a trailer for 10 hours....wish me luck!!!) Everything is ready to go. Except me, I think. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but still just a little nervous.

I mde myself wake up at 3am, so hopefully, around 1 I can lay down for a little bit and get in a decent nap. Wyatt and I should be leaving around 6 this evening. I figured that should work...we will cross the state line, stop for a quick dinner, and then we *should* be at our new house about 4 am. Any later, and I'm afraid he wouldn't go back to sleep. I've added in time for coffee stops. (I won't forget about the coffee!!!) So, we will see how a 10 hour trip goes with 3 dogs and a 5 year old (Did I already ask you to wish for luck for me?)

I don't really feel like I'm *ready* to leave, I just want to get the drive over with. I mean, I am ready, but I don't know that emotionally I am. I just have so many friends here, and I feel like I'm too old to start over.

I can't believe parent orientation for Wyatt's school is TOMORROW. Wow. He's going to be IN SCHOOL. I will have no excuse for not updating my blog then. Although, I'm sure I'll be able to come up with some :)

Ahhhhhh

Well, yesterday, at 1800 hours, I took off my steel toed boots, to never have to put them on again. From here on out, nothin' but flip flops, baby! And, lemme tell you, my piggies are loving it :)

There is totally other stuff I can type about, but I can't think of it at the moment.

I can't believe in ONE WEEK Wyatt, the dogs, and I will be on the way to SC. There's really not much left. I did a lot of cleaning today, so a quick touch up Tuesday, plus packing all my & Wyatt's clothes. We are paying someone to come clean the carpets once all the furniture is out. It seems kinda surreal. I have something going on every day until we leave. I'm trying to cram all the goodbyes in. How do people in the military do this all the time?

On the bright side, thanks to the internet, I already "know" a few people where we are going. And I know it will help that Wyatt is going to be in school. I am SO gonna be a PTA mom. I just wanna make friends!

Life saving fluids!!!

Let me just tell you...today is my last shift. Kinda sad, but mostly excited. Anyway, that's not the point of this blog. As I often do, I spent the night before my shift at work. It saves me from having to get up at 4am to be here on time. I woke up this morning completely out of it. And, get this...there is NO flavored creamer. And my partner is still sleeping so we can't go to the store. What is an uncaffeinated girl to do? Well, I remembered that there is a coffee shop within walking distance to the station. So off I went.

I opened the door and the rich, tantelizing aroma of caffeine greeted me. Mmmm. My mouth watered already. I ordered the same drink I do at Starbucks (a triple venti non fat with whipped toffee nut white mocha). This woman behind the counter...this barista, this goddess, asked me if I wanted the 4th shot free. Yes, that's the 4th shot of espresso. I don't know if she saw how exhausted I am, or what, but I graciously took her up on her offer. Well, as gracious you can be when you are drooling and your eyes are half open. I'm fairly certain you could hear things rattle in my head when I vigorously nodded. And, let me tell you, this coffee? It's GOOD. Oh. My. God. I wonder if I can take this coffee shop with me to SC?

We went to Hershey park yesterday. It may have been our last time there this summer. Once we come up for Christmas, I'm pretty sure we will go then. (They do a special Christmas thing) We had fun. We definitely stayed in the sun too long, but what can ya do? Wyatt is getting on more and more rides geared towards big kids. *Sniff* I really want to camp at the campground next year, but we will see. A lot of it is going to depend on what happens with Randy and work.

Ah well, I suppose I should get on with getting stuff done. And remember, if you have to call 911 today, and your EMT shows up bright eyed and bushy tailed, thank a coffee lady.

Busy night

We went to the races last night. Wyatt LOVED it. First he said he wanted to leave because it was too loud, but once he got used to it he had a blast. He's getting big before I'm ready for him to. Last night there was a wreck, and, knowing I could see him, I let him run to the fence where the wreck was without me. He got lost in a crowd of kids and other onlookers, and I didn't panic (even though I really wanted to!) I knew where he was, and I knew he couldn't go anywhere. *Sniffle* Yesterday, he wanted an extra snack. He told me he's the oldest, so he could get extra. I just laughed and let him have it. What can ya do?

There is so much fun stuff around here, and we have so many friends. Sometimes I get so aprehensive about leaving, but I know we are doing the best thing for our family. Last night we went with Adriana and her kids. I love those girls so much. Last week I worked with their dad, and they came to the station. Carleigh, who isn't 2 yet, gave me a kiss and I heard her say my name for the first time. I had to leave the room because I broke down. Last night she kept wanting to sit in my lap and cuddle me. It's like I can feel my heart break. I love both of those girls like they were my own. Wyatt is just like a big brother to them. Sometimes they are best friends, sometimes they are each other's worst enemies. I know we will have friends like that in SC eventually, but it's still hard.

Mr. Rust is coming over today. We are gonna cook out and make S'mores. Tomorrow is Hersheypark, and after that, who knows. But every day on the calendar is BOOKED. I want to get some stuff cleaned up today, but otherwise, there's nothing to pack that can't wait until the last day (like clothes, toiletries, etc) I've kinda reached the point where there's nothing I can do. *Sigh

Wow....

I looked at the calendar this morning and realized I only have 11 days left in this state (Commonwealth, whatever) And those 11 days are BUSY. I'm going to MD for 2 or 3 of them, some family is coming up for another, other family is coming up for 3 other days, I work, Randy works, we have 2 trips to Hersheypark planned, tonight I'm taking Wyatt to the racetrack...there's always something! Plus, I really want to get some more stuff packed. I want to make it so that all that's out is wtuff to keep Randy entertained and clothed and fed for the 2 weeks I'm down there and he's up here. He's got a hard enough job with loading the uhaul, I'd at least like to make it easy for him.

I have found a coffee maker that I must have. It's a cuisinart Keurig combo. It makes iced tea, 5 different size coffees....I want it. I will have it. It's got quiet brew technology. The Keurig I have now is pure awesomeness, but it's VERY noisy. And, I will be living in SC, I will have to be able to produce sweet tea on demand. :)

I can't believe in 2 weeks my baby starts Kindergarten. I think I had more issues with Pre-K than I do with this. I'm really not overly upset or anxious. Yet. I'm excited for him. I think the first day he's at school I will probably just wander around the house lost. Randy won't be there yet, I should have the stuff I'm bringing unpacked. Yup, staring at the walls...that's what I shall do. Now that I put it that way...You know, I will have fun. I will go into the city, do some window shopping, maybe just drive around and explore the area. Yup, I will have fun

Nothing going on

Good morning. Nothing to really type about this morning. I'm so tired. I don't know why, but I really haven't been sleeping well at all lately. I really don't feel stressed about the move. Things really seem to be falling into place there. I even talked to the guy who is installing our fence at the end of the month, and he's willing to come do the area we have set for the dogs early so it will be ready when we get there. Randy has a lot more to stress about, since he will have to finish packing the house on his own.

I'm kinda bummed. I had planned on going to MD today, but money is just too tight this pay week. Plus, Randy got a really BAD case of poison ivy, so he's had to call out. I know things will be SO much better in 3 weeks, but getting to that point is...well...taking more time than I would like. Lately I've just been so emotional, I really think I need that time with my friends. I will go next week, but I WANNA GO NOW!!!

Well, now that we got that out of the way.

I really have so much that I need to get done today, since I will still be here. All I wanna do is sleep. But, alas, that is not meant to be. We have Family Fun Night at church tonight, so I think maybe Wyatt and I will go. Randy's working, but even that aside, his rash is kinda scary looking. I'm pretty sure it's dried up by now, thus not contagious, but still...

Finally have news...

...and I just haven't felt like sitting down to type. Go figure.

Last night was National Night Out. We went to Logan Park, and Wyatt got to "fly" a military helicopter. I think he had a good time. I was working, and we had a couple of calls, but otherwise, it was a good time. I gotta say, stuff like that really makes me realize how much we will miss this area and our friends. It's truly a great area to raise a family, and our friends are wonderful. I hope we are doing the right thing. I know we are, but it's still very bittersweet.

OK, so...now for the news...Yesterday, at 8am I got a phone call....There was an opening in Wyatt's kindergarten class. Soooo...he will be going to private school. :) YAY! I feel so at peace and even excited about that. Not that I ever doubted my ability to homeschool. I wanted to, but I didn't feel the excitement about it that other people have. And then finding out that the ONLY homeschool group in our area only has 5 members...That just didn't seem like Wyatt would have the socialization that I wanted for him. So then I found out orientation dates, etc for Wyatt's school. Then I started thinking that it's possible for us to be down there in time for him to start, but it would depend on the school letting us pay after settlement. Lots of stuff in the air. Long story short, they approved him starting with his class and us paying late, and Wyatt and I are moving August 19. I really didn't want him (or I) to miss orientation. It's a new area, neither of us know anything about the school, and there are already so many adjustments our family has to make. If I can do anything to make them easier, well, that's my job. So he and I will go down with the dogs and a small trailer packed with enough to last us for 2 weeks until Randy can follow with the moving truck. Lots to do now! I'm glad I got most of the packing done up to this point. Now it's mostly figuring out what we need to take with us, and then cleaning the house so Randy just has to do a bit of a touch up before he comes down.

This whole thing is very bittersweet for me. The mood swings definitely aren't helping, LOL. I know it will all work out, I have faith in that.

Not too bad so far...

I finished my 2nd (and last) Clomid cycle. Other than waking up sweaty a few times, this cycle was not bad at all. Hopefully the side effects are done and won't last forever. Well, I did have a mood swing or 2 but nothing that *I* think was too bad :) Maybe next cycle I will do herbal stuff, maybe I won't do anything. I don't know. I think I'm just going to take it as it comes for right now. I do have an appointment with a fertility doctor once we move (the waiting list for those things is usually pretty long, so I scheduled it now)

I've looked into support groups/co-ops for homeschooling, and there really isn't much in the county that I'm in. I'm sure we will find something, even if it's by joining one of the groups in a larger city. If I have to travel once a month, that's not too bad. Completely worth it for Wyatt to get the whole experience, in my opinion. And I think it will help me feel better about everything, just to have someone local to talk to about it all. I'm still on the fence about private school, but at the moment it's not an option anyway.

Lately I've felt like there is just so much to do, and I will never find a way to get it all done. I have lists everywhere, even a list of lists. I just feel....discombobulated. Last night I went to make pancakes for dinner, only to find that I packed the measuring cups and mixing bowls. So I was going to make tacos, but....you guessed it, the seasoning was packed. Stuff I meant to leave out, but apparently didn't. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I've packed what I have because I know it will be easier in a few weeks, but right now I just feel...out of sorts I guess. It doesn't help that we are trying to be creative for meals and use what we have without going to the store, and that makes me feel more disorganized. I can't wait to get back on my diet and maybe start working out. I do know that getting up early and having time to myself helps. It gives me a chance to read, pray, and just prepare myself for the day.

Today Wyatt has camp, and then I work at 6pm. 3 more shifts...is it over yet? I've already made a list of stuff I want to get done today, so hopefully it will happen. I'm going to try not to let myself doze off today...It's so hard for me to sleep at work, that I'm hoping if I go in really tired I will be able to. Of course, that almost guarantees we will have a busy night, and there will be no sleep. I really love what I do, but I find myself maintaining that count down. I think in my heart I know that I would rather be at home with my family.

4 shifts left....SO tired

We have a pretty big dirt track in our area. I work it often on the ambulance. Last night, I was informed that Casey Kane wanted to buy it. I didn't realize it was such a huge deal. I guess he even races there sometimes. It's one of the 3 biggest in the country. Hmmm....who knew? They are doing a kids night coming up, and I think I'm going to take Wyatt. He will LOVE it. That kid will be in heaven. But, anyway, I worked last night, and I go back in tonight. After that...only 3 more shifts. I'm so relieved. But, kinda sad, too. I feel like a lot of my identity is being an EMT. However, I feel like I miss out on SO MUCH because I work shift work. Yes, it has it's good points, but then there are days like today. I was so tired that I made the choice to miss church. I hate that, but last time I felt like this and worked, I fell asleep during the sermon. And, since I have to work tonight, then get up at 4 am, I needed to get my sleep when I could.

I finally got rid of the ringworm in the kittens....only to discover that Wyatt has it too. *sigh* At least I already have the meds on hand. I really didn't think that's what it was because it didn't itch. But, alas, that's what it is. So we all have to be a little more careful than usual about washing our hands. He can still play with his friends and go to camp, but....it's just another thing

So, after hearing many many opinions, which I weighed carefully, I made the decision to homeschool Wyatt. It's so hard because Randy doesn't tell me what he thinks. He never does, because he's afraid it's going to be different than what I want. But, I digress.... He is on the waiting list for the private school, so I'm going to look at this as time given to me to get our feet wet, and really see if homeschool will work for us. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But it also gives me time to look into co-ops and homeschool groups in the area. Hopefully I find something. And, if for whatever reason it doens't work, I will wait until Wyatt gets a spot in the private school. I really think God will lead me to the right decision for our family.

WHY WHY WHY can't I make up my mind?

I am so very very torn on the whole (are you ready) homeschooling issue. I know the benefits. But, here's the thing. When we move, I'm not gonna know ANYONE. Well, except my dad. Yes, we will meet people in church, but I wanna know more people! (I'm greedy that way). Plus the church I think I'm interested in is about 45 minutes away. I want Wyatt involved in sports, and I swear getting any community information is like pulling teeth. My kiddo is pretty friendly and sociable, and I want him to have friends, well, to be friends with.

BUT South Carolina public schools SUCK. Now, where we are moving to, there are 2 elementary schools. One for PreK-1 or 2nd grade, and the other one goes through 5th grade. So he will be in school with other little guys. There is (what appears to be) a really good private school. Sounds like a good choice right? Well, Wyatt's on the waiting list. Plus, why pay 300/month for something I can do myself?

I think there's a dent in my desk roughly the shape of my head.

So, I think I'm being incredibly selfish in my wanting to send Wyatt to school. It's really not about the time for myself, it's about wanting friends. Plus, I've always pictured being the mom everyone goes to with problems, for advice, etc...How can I do that when there isn't anyone? Not that Wyatt won't have friends (I hope), but...you know what I mean. Maybe you don't.

Anyway, this morning I was surfing the net until my caffeine kicked in enough to make a coherant (albeit not spelled correctly) blog post. I found what I think may be a really good opportunity. There is a company that does cloth diaper parties, much like Tupperware, Pampered Chef, etc parties. I do want to CD when I have more, so it seems like a perfect solution. It will give me product knowledge, plus it's a social outlet. I don't expect to be nearly as busy as I would be selling Tastefully Simple or Pampered Chef, but...hey, it's something. I do think I'm going to look into it :) And cloth diapers have changed...A LOT. It's not like you even use pins anymore (unless you want to). It's super simple. And, better for the environment, your baby's hiney, and your wallet. You know, the more I think about it, the more I wanna look into it

Timing...'aint it grand?

So Mary, our Realtor, called yesterday. They rejected our offer. They counter offered, we counter offered more than we wanted, but we REALLY liked that house. Not 5 minutes after we gave our counter offer, my dad calls. (Insert creepy music here...not because my dad called, but because he had BAD news) He did some investigating on the area we were moving to, at my request. Turns out the run down house next door that made me a little nervous is part of a compound for, in his words, "a junior varsity version of Hells Angels". Well then. Good thing the seller is a moron who doesn't know a good offer when he sees one! So, now we are buying this house. And we will be right next to dad. I have mixed feelings about that, and I'm pretty sure most of my readers know what those feelings are. If not, ask, and expect a LONG explination.

So anyway...that's my big news for the day. Exciting, huh? Nothing else to report. No hot flashes last night, praise Jeebus. We did have a good time yesterday. We invited one of our friends over, and had dinner, then a camp fire with S'mores and stuff. It was really fun. The weather was perfect. The boy's behavior? Not so much. He had a 4 hour nap late in the afternoon, and despite trying to wake him up, he slept chevy style....like a rock. I knew I was going to pay for it last night. And pay for it I did! *Stops typing to take a gulp of coffee*

Hmmm...what else, what else. I dunno. I have nothing going on. Randy's working today, so I have some phone calls to make, laundry to do. I think everything is packed that can be packed, except for our clothes, and I will do that today. I just know there are clothes in that closet that we won't be wearing for a while. To boxes they shall go! I am so sick of boxes, although, I must say, they do make lovely decor. If you like brown. And cardboard. Which I don't.

Alright world....I'm off to go...hmmm...sit on the couch and veg, I guess. Wyatt is sleeping in my bed, and my room is the only thing I have left to do, so I gotta wait.

ARRGGGGHHHH

I had an entire blog typed. I liked it. It was cute and funny, much like yours truly. I went to post it, and it disappeared. Head, meet desk.

So, anyway, we are not buying my dad's house. We found a bigger house. It's on an acre less land, but really, 2 acres is plenty. It's already fenced, has one more bedroom, a bigger master closet, and a nicer layout. And it's only 5 grand more. We put an offer on it yesterday. Click here to see the house. I'm excited! Quite nervous, a little scared, but mostly super excited. (And still really peeved that I'm typing all this for the second time this morning)

You loyal readers are lucky I didn't just say screw it and not post!

Now, I don't remember if I told you about Barnum, Wyatt's cat. Well, I did already this morning, but you didn't see it. He and Bailey made themselves outside cats. A couple of months ago we noticed that his paw was swollen. We made them indoor cats again, and kept an eye on his paw. It seemed to get better. Well, then it started "oozing" So, we took him to the vet, where they told me he had an infection down to his bone. 2 rounds of oral antibiotics, an injectable antibiotic, pain meds, debreiding, and multiple return visits for bandaging later....He seemed all better. 2 days ago, his paw started profusely bleeding, and the blood was mixed with, well, puss. So, back to the vet we go. Another injectable antibiotic and another round of oral antibiotics later...if it's not *significantly* better in 2 days, he needs an x-ray. But, his personality has not changed at all. He still lets Wyatt love on him. A lot. To the point that I'm almost sorry for the cat. Remember the Peanuts cartoon? Linus and his blanket? Yeah, that's Wyatt and his cat.

This is a small sample of what happens every day

I really think the cat is part dog.

Well, today I start round 2 of Clomid. I decided to go ahead with 2 rounds and give each ovary a chance to step up to the plate before I start Vitex. I'm kinda scared that the cervical surgery is preventing me from getting pregnant. According to the mean doctor, I have almost no cervix. I mean, that's gotta have an impact, right? All the research I've done (and the mean doctor) say that the cervix plays no role in conception. But my body says different. You know what though? Really, if that's the case, then IUI and IVF will bypass that, so I *still* know I'll get pregnant, even if I need a little help.

Are you ready?

Yet again....nothing is quite the way I had said it would be in my last post.

First...I had a realization. Why am I going to pay 400.00 a month for Wyatt to go to school when I can do it myself? So, yeah, we are back to that. Which also means we aren't leaving until 8/31. Now, there is a chance that we will still buy dad's house, but there is someone else looking at it. If they offer what Dad is asking, well, then, that's 20,000 more than we are paying, and they can have it. There is another house we LOVE. Actually, we love it more than Dad's. The only reason we aren't buying it is because we would really like to know who our neighbors are. So we will see how things work. At least we have a back up plan in place.

Head, meet desk.

I am exhausted. We worked the Outlaw Races last night, so that wasn't done til about 2am, then I had to be up for work this morning, today I'm working 6am until 10pm, then tomorrow I'm teaching Sunday school, and then working from 2pm until 10pm. Sleeeep. I want sleeeep.

I think I may not do Clomid next month. I hate the way it made me feel, I hate the mood swings it gave me, how hot I was....Ugh. Yes, a baby would absolutely be worth all of that. But, first, I think I'm going to try to go the natural/herbal route. I don't need all those side effects on top of moving and trying to get Wyatt started with school. I'm not sure what I'm doing yet (other than research, lol) But Clomid has some possible long term side effects that the herbs don't, so...

Soooo....

The new plan is that Randy will move down to SC with me on the 6th. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, your bad. Read previous blogs) Hopefully that will work out. That also means that I have 2 weeks from tomorrow to get this house packed up. Can I do it? Ummm....sure. But first I have to get off the computer. I also have to call DirecTV to get our TV switched.

Is anyone else offended by this? There is a song on Family Guy called Down Syndrome Girl. It's been nominated for an Emmy. Personally, I can't stand the show. I find it tasteless, but whatever. I just don't watch it. To each his own. But that song got nominated for an Emmy? So now it's award winning to make fun of people with disabilites. You have got to be kidding me. That really upsets me. I don't know, maybe I'm a prude. But, that's how I feel.

Lots to do in the next 2 weeks. I have a short visit to MD planned, plus all this packing, I gotta figure out where Wyatt's going to school (if there's a spot at LMA or if I have to put him in PS for a while), so many phone calls to make....Trying to squeeze in a few more trips to Hershey, plus lunches with friends....I'm so tired just thinking about it.

Oh well, I really should get off my hiney and get started. But I don't wanna!!!!!

Power of thought is not always a good thing.....

So....I am well aware of the fact that a fertilized embryo won't implant for a minimum of 10 days. Thus, you can't be pregnant until 10 days after you ovulate. (Arent you SO glad you opened this blog?) It has been 6 days. And I have had every pregnancy symptom under the sun. Heartburn SO bad that I wake up choking on stomach acid. Is this all side effects to the Clomid? Some of them, yes. And every little twinge has me thinking "is that it?" Now, the first person to tell me to not think about it so much will have their face ripped off. So will whoever decides to tell me to stop trying and I will get pregnant. 2 things you should never say to someone who is trying to conceive

OH OH OH OH OH. I almost forgot...while we were in SC, we got an offer on our house. And, it was for the asking price. :) WOO HOO! So, August 31 we are settling, and moving to SC. Wyatt and I may go down sooner. It's likely that we will, so that he can start school with his class. I know, I know, but he's going to a small private school. Worst case scenario, he will have to go to public school until there is a spot open, but I called his school and they are pretty sure they have spots for K5. (They have to play with the numbers to make sure...but I'm thinking positive) So, he and I will go down around Aug 7, stay with my dad until Randy settles on the house here and comes down to join us and we buy the new house. So, on the bright side, no Clomid next month. Part of me wants to say that it will just be easier to let Wyatt start after Labor Day, but I hate the thought of all the kids already having their own friends and knowing the routine, and here the boy will have to,not only get used to living in a whole new state, but trying to fit in with these kids he doesn't know. Over protective? Probably. I know kids do it all th time, but, it's MY kid. I don't know. I really don't know what I"m going to do. Randy wants me to stay here until we can all go down together, so that's what I should do, but....I really want Wyatt to start with his class. It makes more sense for me to stay, then I don't have to drive back up here just to get the dogs. (They can't fit in the Uhaul, and they can't stay at Dad's, so I would have to drive back up to get them when we are ready for our house) Ugh....Stupid southern states starting school so early!! What happened to just starting after Labor Day?

See, and here, when I sat down to start typing, I thought I had nothing to write about. Ha! I should know myself well enough by now to know that I can go on about pretty much anything.

*tap tap* Is this thing on?

Well, howdy. Remember me? I'm the cute chick dressed in white on that picture you see when you click on my blog. Yup, that's me. Be jealous.

If you aren't jealous about that....I'm in SC. We are going to my Daddy's for a week. We arent' there yet.....Soon! And, of course, a stop at Starbucks here shortly. I think it may be the only Starbucks in SC. There aren't many. Trust me. There's an app on my phone called "Find Starbucks"....It gives me the 5 nearest stores, then navigates me to the store I choose. Best. App. Ever. Hmmmm....I may have to think the whole relocating to SC thing.

So, I'm done with the Clomid for this cycle. The hot flashes stopped, so maybe it was just the insanely hot heat. ALthough, I would wake up sweaty, so maybe not. I had a few minor mood swings. I really didn't get cranky, but, my God, the things that would make me cry all of a sudden. CRAZY. I'm pretty sure that I, single handedly, kept Kleenex in business last week. I pray that all of this isn't for nothing, and that I get pregnant soon. I think we're a pretty cool family to be a part of. The little baby spirits must know this too.

My husband, God love him.... He's driving as I type. He looks at me and says "Is this the way we went before?" I'm fairly certain I looked at him with a blank look, because I was trying not to give him the "Have you been smoking something?" look. He then proceeds to tell me that he doesn't remember this road going to our honeymoon. Um...well....maybe because this road goes to Myrtle Beach. In South Carolina. We went to Rehoboth Beach. In Deleware. Back off, ladies, you can't have him. He's all mine. I'm not complaining, he got off work at Midnite and has been driving ever since. I slept off and on. (Don't pity him, though, he slept almost all day at work yesterday!)

Wyatt has been SO GOOD on this trip. There were a few times he woke up fussy....but I can't blame him. I was cranky cause I couldn't get comfortable. Why should I expect better behavior from him? He was so funny. We didn't know he was awake yet this morning, and all of a sudden we hear a cute little 5 year old voice say "I've been on this road before!" And when I told him we were in South Carolina, his entire face lit up. Lemme tell you, I got lucky with this kid. He is just awesome.

Are we there yet? I soooo want to ask Randy, but then Wyatt will start. :) It's ok if I ask annoying questions. But noone else can. It is, after all, all about ME.

Mmmmm......I got my Starbucks. Ahhhh. All is right with the world now.

Who turned the heat up???

OMG. As if it's not bad enough that it's like 1000 degrees outside...The stupid Clomid is giving me heat flashes. I am so hot and sweaty. Ugh. Blech. And our stupid pool still isn't swim-able. Rest assured my friends, it will be by tomorrow. I think for today, I shall be parked in front of the air conditioner. Ugh. Did I say that already? Cause I mean it. Ugh.

So, the incredibly hot heat aside.....I think that I will give the Clomid 3 months instead of 6. (I have a 3 month supply, and I hate wasting money, lol) After that, it's going to be herbs and supplements. I just....I don't know. If it's making me feel like this (and yes, I get that it's a hormone pill, and hormones do this stuff) I don't want it. Yes, I want a baby. We all know that. But, can this really be healthy? I almost can't wait to get back from SC and get back on my diet. I just felt so much better on it. I have 2 groups of friends...the natural minded, and the more western thinking crowd. They are both right, and I fit in with both groups, to an extent. I mean, I just think that God gave man the knowledge to make meds like Clomid and to make fertility treatments. Can it be that wrong?

I know my blog this morning isn't well thought out or well articulated. It's pretty much a jumble. But, this morning, that's how my thoughts and emotions are. Lately I've been pretty calm and relaxed...today, I don't know, I'm just a jumble for some reason. (And, yes, I only had one cup of coffee) I do have a lot that needs to be done around the house, so maybe these jumbled nerves will serve a purpose. Or maybe I'll lay in a tub of ice water and take a nap

Blechy blech blech

Soooo..... Maybe it's the spaghetti. Maybe it was the Clomid. But I woke up at 2 am feeling insanely nauseated. It was awful! Maybe it was a combination of the spaghetti and Clomid (note to self, don't eat leftovers at work today)

So...I'm at work. And, I don't know what it is, but there is a furry/fuzzy thing in the hallway, just outside the women's bathroom door. I think it's dead. I may even think it was once alive (as opposed to being your garden variety dust bunny...LARGE garden variety dust bunny). But, I'm not getting close enough to find out. And, if we get a call, someone else HAS to go, because I can't save lives by myself, so that other person can dispose of the...thing. If I get close enough to see what it is, it will certainly spring to life and bite my nose. (You see, I am just THAT good at my job) It really is giving me the creeps. Someone make it go away!

Moving right along....Ugh...it's still there. I know it is. Where is my shift partner? He's a boy, he can come take care of it. This is the thanks I get for showing up to work over an hour early. I get greeted by...things... Ugh.

So anyway....back to moving along. This morning, on the way to work, I turned the radio off, and just talked to God. Can I tell you how good it felt? I thanked Him for all the amazing blessings He's given me. I look around, and I am SO lucky. I have so very much in the way of friends and love. The fact that someone who has never, and likely never will, meet me has put so much heart and love into helping me just humbles me. I thanked Him for that. I also thanked Him for my friends, and asked Him for help with a few friends having problems. I feel like, this morning, I really had a chance to pray for those people who are important in my life.

I need to go check on the....thing. If this is the last thing I type, send help!.................................OMG it's GONE!!! I am NEVER sleeping here AGAIN! I swear, it looked like a mouse that had been flatened. What, was it playing dead? It was fat too. What if it was a mommy mouse in labor, and now there are lots of little mouse-letts? Crap. I really want to cry. And I have flip flops on (my shift doesn't start til 6) so the thing/s can nibble on my toes! EWWWWWW

I am SUCH a girl. Although, that may be one of Randy's favorite things about me

It's an infertile life

Well, I did it. I popped 2 Clomid today. (Amongst other vitamins, and steroids) By the way, let me just tell you. I had this perfect vision of taking the Clomid, visualizing myself calm, and using imagery to picture my uterus and ovaries open and welcoming. Well, that didn't work. This morning I thought perhaps it would be best to take the vitamin B and steroids so that I had the nasty tasting medicine out of the way. I also decided to do all of this quickly (I HATE taking meds)

Not. A. Good. Idea. The steroids and vitamin made me GAG. They leave the most foul taste in my mouth. Then I took the other pills, leaving Clomid for last. I was still gagging. I was not calm, and I certainly didn't feel "open"! Ugh, it was horrible. Not how I pictured my first time taking these meds

So, I did it. Now I'm not just being tested for infertility, I'm being treated. But, I'm totally ok with it! I have my my "western" meds, and, thanks to the help of someone I see becoming a good friend, some "Momma" gems...moonstone, and some baby dust. Plus, she's given me some wonderful visualization tips. It's going to happen...and soon. I know it :)

I wonder what side effects I will feel from the Clomid? I've heard of so many different ones, which is why I wanted to be calm when I took the Clomid...Tomorrow, I think the vitamins will come at a different time. Perhaps the Clomid will go first, when I have more control over my taste buds.

Homeschooling thoughts (again)

So I was talking to my friend April, she's one of my bigger...hmmm....inspirations for homeschooling, and a good local friend.

I told her that one of the issues I'd been having was that I know now there are some days that I just want quiet time, and that I need Wyatt out of the house. I felt like that was such an unfair thing to say, and that other HS moms always seem to have it all so together. Well, in one of my online HS groups, someone brought up that very subject. And you know what? All these other HS moms feel the same way. They all have days that they want to load their kids onto a bus and just....breathe. Or get their house really clean. I feel so much better knowing that. I felt horribly guilty before.

April said when she went to a HSing convention that they had a talk on that very thing. She felt the same way.

Isn't it amazing, as parents, the amount of guilt we allow ourselves to feel? I know a lot of that is outside influence. Not that we intend to let others dictate how we feel, but it's human nature. One person who is pretty insistant about traditional schooling being better can make me feel horrible for wanting to homeschool. And this particular person always uses the argument "but think of all the time you'd have to yourself" That can do one of 2 things...It either makes me feel like I'm doing myself a disservice by HSing, or it makes me think "Soooo....because I enjoy time with my son I'm a bad mom?" (Thought in a COMPLETELY sarcastic tone, of course) And it makes me want to homeschool that much more.

I know I can do this. I see all that Wyatt learns now. And a homeschool day only last about an hour or 2 at the kindergarten level, because we don't have to take breaks for the rest of the "class". Think about how much fun we can have the rest of the day? And we are planning a vacation to Williamsburg this winter...Hellooooo....field trip! (And, if I happen to get some shopping done at the outlets...well, that's multi tasking!)

Changing my way of thinking on a lot of things.....

The internet is an amazing thing, isn't it?

I have "met" many wonderfully smart and brave women recently. They have opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking. Let me just start by saying that, given my profession, I obviously believe in modern, western medicine. But, I'm starting to really believe that it's not always the best method.

My first real example, with concrete evidence....A friend made me a peridot necklace/anklet set. It's said to be a gemstone which is used for calming/anti-anger. Can I just tell you...I wore it today, and had one of the best days. Our entire house seemed to be in Harmony. When I went to go to sleep, I tossed and turned. My mind seemed to be going a million miles an hour. Honestly, I think it's because I took off the jewlery set. I have another set for TTC, and she's given me a ton of hints for keeping my mind/spirit open. And I'm sure some of you won't agree with it, or think it's a bunch of hooey...but, I know it makes me feel better. So neener neener

Another thing that I'm certain is going to cause an uproar. I want to give birth at home, with a midwife in attendance. Obviously, that's not an immediate issue. But it will be. Now, I'm not going to put my health in jeopardy. I'm going to make sure it's safe, and I really don't see any reason why it wouldn't be. I didn't have any excessive bleeding before, because I took the medication to prevent it. I can't take that medication at home. I'm completely willing to compromise and deliver at a birth center. But I DO NOT want to deliver in a hospital. I hated being tied down to monitors, I couldn't get in the shower, and I want a water birth this time. It's common knowledge that walking progresses labor. If you're tied to a monitor, how can you walk? I really can come up with decent arguments when it's not 2 am.

Speaking of which, I really do need to make some attempt to sleep. But, rest assured, my mind is a changing. And this time, I can say with absolute certainty, it's for the better

Not much to say....

But I know if I don't post my favorite SMIB will be pestering me on facebook.

We've been to Hershey Park twice now. It is so much fun. At the entrance to the park, they have an area where kids can measure themselves to see how tall they are. Each height section has a name of a Hershey candy. This year, Wyatt graduated to Reeces PB Cups. He is SO excited. Every time we visit, I take his picture in front of the measuring thing-y. That way, if he gets lost or something, I have a recent picture, as well as a way to remember what he's wearing. And, they can see how tall he is. Possibly a little over protective. But, I'm mom, it's my right ;)

Poor kid, yesterday, he was SO tired, that he looked at me, said "Mom, can I take a nap?", put his head down, and was out. For hours. He doesn't have a whole lot going on this summer, but it's enough to wear the boy out. I think I will have to make it a point to have one day a week where we don't go anywhere. No camp, no store, no Hershey...just home. Of course, it would be nice if the pool water cooperated. I even took a sample to the pool store, they gave me stuff to fix it....and it still doesn't look swim friendly. I will give it another day and go back.

I'm feeling the itch to go to MD for a few days. Not just overnight, as I have been doing, but long enough to really see everyone. I think I am in desperate need of girl time. And time with MY girls. Not that my friends in PA aren't great friends, but...they're not Trish, and Brenda, and Nikki, and, yes, even you Steph. And besides, there is no Swampwater in PA. (Trust me, I've looked)

Today I am going bra shopping. Blech. Really not terribly exciting. I hate it. I never find anything that fits well, and looks cute, and is confortable. I'm going to start just wearing those bra tanks. Who cares if my ta-tas are at my knees? It will be comfy.

Just one line

OK, so you spend less than a dollar on something that's sole purpose it to be peed on. And you take it home, wait until morning, and pee on it. Then when that stick only shows one pink line, you can't help it. You get mad at it. Like it's the stick's fault your body doesn't do what it's supposed to.

I can say that, once the initial disappointment passes, I am secure in the knowledge that things are going to be ok. First, the disappointment is getting easier to deal with. It just doesn't hurt as much anymore.

My mom asked me the other day if I was mad and frustrated that I'm not getting pregnant. I told her I'm not. And that's not a lie. I have such a comfort in the fact that God has a plan. She asked if I was angry that I conceived so easily before. I just chose to laugh about it. It's hard to be angry about something that brought me love. Sure, there are times that I wonder why I was able to conceive so easily before, but I don't ever get angry. I have learned enough to know that I will appreciate pregnancy so much more. And, really, if Randy and I were going through a pregnancy or infancy when we had these marital problems, I don't know that we would have made it. And, I'm learning SO much more about the kind of pregnancy, childbirth, and infant raising that I want to have. I think if I had gotten pregnant when we started trying, I wouldn't be so well informed. So, the wait is coming in handy.

In the meantime, this video really speaks to me.

Morning, interrupted

So I woke up at 3 am this morning. No idea why. But I just couldn't go back to sleep. I finally gave up and got out of bed to play on Facebook. (Although, I must say, I balanced the check book first, so I was responsible! Plus I had to t-fer money from savings to cover Barnum's vet bills) Well, I sat here thinking...I really should take advantage of all the beautiful scenery and sit on my patio furniture with my coffee to watch the sunrise. Does it get any more peaceful than that??

The answer to that, my friends, is YES. It gets much more peaceful. Because, you see, there, on the pretty blue and yellow cusion, was a spider. Now I know that spider was sitting there, waiting. Waiting for my pre-caffeinated self to not notice it and plop right down, where it would promptly bite me in the ass and kill me. And really, I refuse to die before I've had my coffee. So Mrs. Outdoors came in. See, this is why I must have a camper to camp. No tents for me! Can you make a tent spider proof? I think not

Hey, did you know that my kid is the cutest EVER? Yesterday, he was playing with his legos, trying to build a fire truck. This is what I heard: "On the third day, God created a steering wheel. And He liked it". Ahhh...so sweet. He comes up with stuff all the time that is SO smart. And lately he has really been a different kid. His behavior is SO much better. He cleans up after himself, I only need to ask him once. (Bear in mind, this is after weeks of throwing away toys that he didn't pick up....In reality, they were donated, but he thinks they were thrown away)

It appears we are going to be moving to SC with a zoo. That's right, a zoo. 3 cats, 2 fish, a snail, a frog and 4 dogs. FOUR dogs. We have been petsitting a friends Golden Retriever until he can find an apartment that will let him keep Sam. Well, said friend and I were talking, and I jokingly told him he was going to have to figure out how to make visitations work if it was across state lines. He said "Well, I guess I'll have to drive to SC". Uh, I wasn't serious, it's your dog! But, well, I guess now I have a step-dog. He's such a sweetie that I really don't mind. Now, I know what you're thinking. Mocha, Rascal, and Sam. That's 3 dogs. I said 4. Well, do you remember our puppy Sam? (Clearly, a very different Sam than the one we have now) His mom just had puppies. Yesterday, in fact. And, one of them is ours :) I am getting a girl this time around. I am getting way too outnumbered around here. And I'm excited!!! :) Hey, I warned you people. So what, I didnt' wait 6 months? Randy feeds into it....He's the one who wanted Georgie, the kitten. So there!

I think, when we move (or maybe before that) I'm going to look into becoming a midwife. Too many moms don't have the birthing options they want. I know that when I do get pregnant again, I want to deliver in a birthing center, instead of a hospital. I'd really like to deliver at home, but I don't know that anyone would allow that. It may be too risky. So, I will settle for a birthing center. I'd like to do a water birth. I've heard such wonderful things. But, I digress. SC does allow midwifery, so....I am going to look into it :)

Worst. Cat. Mom. EVER

OK, so Barnum has been limping for several weeks now. He's had a wound, and it just wouldnt' heal. (Needless to say, Barnum and Bailey are inside cats again) So...I took him to the vet.

And it's infected. Not a little infected. The vet said it was the largest abcess she's ever seen. And that, she couldnt' be certain without an xray, but she thought it went to the bone. Apparently, little patches of healing skin had grown over/around some of the infection, so on top of the main abcess, there were lots of little infection patches. WHY didn't I take him in sooner? I just kept thinking it would heal. Ugh...terrible, I tell ya...Just terrible! Poor kitty.

But, just since he went yesterday, he has been more playful than he had gotten. At least he's on the road to recovery!

You can't say you weren't warned....

I would like to introduce you to Georgie, our new kitten. She looks like a Georgia Peach.

Yes, yes I know. We are nuts. Certifiable. We have a house on the market, 2 bio dogs, a step dog, 2 bio cats, a puppy in 10 weeks, and now...Georgie. I'm a sucker. And I'm Still. Not. Pregnant. So, yeah, I got a new "baby".

She's very sweet. Of course, I have to take her to the vet for de-worming and all that. I will make an appt for her when I take Barnum tomorrow to get his paw looked at.

Apparently, I've been missed!

I have not one single special thing to type. Yet, some crazy woman is hounding me on facebook to update, so....here it is.

My house has, actually, stayed clean the past few days. Which is good, because I got one of those "Someone wants to come see your house and they can be there in an hour" kind of calls yesterday. Which is good. I was stressing that noone had wanted to see it yet.

Hey, did you know coffee can be bad for you? I had my coffee delivery yesterday (not a big deal, really...we order it so we can get the flavors we want and it's cheaper) Well, as I was coming inside, the screen door slammed on the back of my foot. It was NOT pretty, and I am not proud of my reaction, or the things I said in front of Wyatt. Oops.

Sooo....I'm thinking about getting a membership to one of the local pools. Yes, we just got season passes to Hershey Park, but there are days, like today, where if we go, we have to be home early because one of us has to work. And I don't want to tear Wyatt away from having fun. That's just too stressful. So, the pool would be a perfect solution. I hate that Wyatt wants to stay inside and play Wii or on the computer. Get out! Play!

We are going to SC in a couple of weeks. I think we need another vacation though. That's not really going to be a good one....we have too much we HAVE to do down there for it to really count, ya know? I'm thinking maybe Williamsburg in the Fall. The downside to that is if we are in SC, Randy will have just started a new job (hopefully) and it's too soon to ask for time off. (Can I take a minute to point out a benefit to homeschooling? A vacation to Williamsburg becomes a field trip. Ha!)

I cannot believe how easy Weight Watchers is! I have "cheated" a few times, and I'm still losing weight. It almost seems like a no fail diet. I don't go to meetings, I just do the online stuff. I may start going though, just for the socialization with other (non EMS) grown ups. And, I'm joining the Y. (What do you mean you 've heard that before? I don't know what you're talking about)

Thank GOODNESS for the autosave feature, since Wyatt just turned the computer off accidently. If this wasn't autosaved, there would be no blog today.

Well, Randy and I talked while the computer was restarting, and we decided to just go buy a blow up pool to keep here. Not a dinky 2 or 3 ring one, maybe one of those that has the ring you blow up, and the more water you add, the higher the ring goes...I don't know. I guess we're going to go look.

On that note, I need to go get the cat unstuck from the chair. *Sigh* Our next house will have a padded room