Yeah, I know, I know

It's been a little bit since I've blogged. I've made more time for my Bible Study in the morning, so there has been less time for the computer.

I know I might be speaking too soon, but work really has been going WONDERFULLY this week. Perhaps the doctor is in a better mood after spending a few days in Disney. Let's hope that's the case anyway. And let's hope that better mood lasts a good while.

Wyatt's behavior at school has gone downhill. A lot. I do think some of that has to do with me not being home, and I was afraid of this. But we will adjust. Lots of kids have moms who work. And I think, in the long term, it really will be better. I will be happier, and that will reflect in him. Plus, he's just at that age. I do think our time together has more quality to it now than it did before. Plus, lately, it seems that he's getting up as early as I am, so he's tired. And that certainly doesn't improve his behavior at all. Yesterday, he got home from school, and within 5 minutes he was sleeping. He doesn't take naps. Ever. I'm half tempted to keep him home from school today to give him a day to just regroup, but he has a 3 day weekend coming up. However, I am letting him sleep as late as he wants. Normally by now he would have been up for half hour. He's still out. I'm letting him stay that way. Poor kiddo. Once he gets up, he's not going to be rushed getting ready for school either. He needs to just take his time. I feel rotten for the poor kiddo.

I've been slacking on tracking points since I've been working. It's so easy to just grab lunch with the other girls. Well, maybe no easy, but definitely more fun. I need to get back in my groove. And I need to start working out again. I just felt so much better. I'm excited because it's supposed to be in the 70s for the next couple of days, so we are going to get out and do stuff. Maybe Saturday I will even take Wyatt to the beach. We won't be able to get in the water, but it will be nice to be there. Just to take it all in. I'll have to check the weather.

Reflections

I haven't blogged much lately. As my Facebook friends can attest to, I really haven't been online much at all. I've really been focusing on my family and my Faith.

I've come to one major conclusion about my family. Sometimes, some things just aren't meant to be. I think Randy and I are just entirely too different to really be a couple. I've prayed about it A LOT. There are just far too many ways we are too different. It's at the point now that bitterness is starting to develop, because I've thought we HAD to stay married. I talked with my pastor last week, and he and I prayed about it, and especially after speaking to him, I do feel that it's best for BOTH Randy and I that we move onto the next stage of our lives separately. We are still friends, and I hope we always will be. He says he wants to continue to be a part of Wyatt's life, and for both of their sakes, I do hope that's true. But I'm afraid that if we continue with our marriage, my bitterness will get worse, and that certainly won't help our friendship. I just don't feel that either of us is best suited for the other.

I know this isn't one of my happy, bubbly blogs most of y'all have come to expect. I don't mean to sound so negative about it. I can't speak for Randy, but I really feel at peace with it. More than I did when trying to make the marriage work. At least we both put effort into it, and I don't feel that we rushed into separating at all. I can't say I'm happy about separating, but definitely at peace. I had always said divorce wasn't an option for us, but after sleeping in separate rooms and living totally separate lives, I really think it's the ONLY option for us.

I don't expect most people to understand. And that's ok. The only thing that matters is that Randy and I understand.

I'm going to continue with counseling at the church. Not because of the marriage, or at least not only because of the marriage. But because I'm still so new at being a believer. It's been a big help so far. I can only hope it continues to be so.

ITS JUST HAIR!!!!

So I have an appointment for tomorrow to have something done with my hair. I don't know what yet, short of highlights. Part of me just wants to sit in the chair and tell the stylist to have at it. Part of me wants a perm, but they are soooo old school. And then no more lazy "I don't feel like washing my hair" days for me. (Hm, maybe that's a good thing)I surely didn't spend all that time and effort growing my hair just to cut it (Cause, you know, it takes more effort to grow it than just waiting.--That was in sarcastic font, by the way) But all I do, especially at work when I'm drawing blood, is pull it in a ponytail. What fun is that?
Yes, this blog really is pointless. I have a lot weighing on my mind, but it's about some Bible studies, and marriage, and I don't know that I'm ready to really share that yet. So be patient!
I may change my appointment to today. Just to not have this huge decision looming in front of me.
I have issues. I'm ok with that.
I need more coffee. Or, maybe less. No, nevermind. Not less. Never less coffee. That's bad.

'Tis the season....

....as one of my best friends says when everyone's sick. I had Wyatt at the doctor yesterday for a nasty cough, and his best friend went to his doctor and was diagnosed with strep. Now I woke up, and I feel like poo. Wyatt's still asleep at 6:30, so that alone tells me he isn't feeling well. But, really, in the grand scheme of things, this is all minor stuff. I can live with this.

Soooo....what to blog about. There really isn't anything exciting going on. This morning, I did what I had said I was going to...I did my devotions and bible study before getting online. I like the way I started my day like that. Rather than starting my mindset with what everyone is posting on Facebook, I started it with what God says and what He wants. I think that is the best way to start, really. So it's on to new habits!

I have plans swirling in my head right now. I need to sit and write them out, but I have a few ideas I may want to start working towards. First, I need to get through this weekend and the things I have in store :)

Boy...when you need to hear a message....

Have you ever noticed that when you really need to hear something, you hear it over and over in so many different ways? I know I've touched on that before. Well, I'm doing it again. Yesterday we had a sermon that, well, it made me see some things about myself that I'm not proud of, things I needed to see. I knew some of them, or at least wondered about them...if they were right or wrong. Well, after yesterday's sermon, it just couldn't be more clear. Then this morning I read a devotional a friend had sent me over a week ago. Wow. What another eye opener. It was somewhat about the same thing. Close enough that I took the same meaning out of it. I need to change some things about myself. And, if I'm to be honest, looking over the course of my marriage, well...when I had been more careful about my influences, my marriage was better. If I'm going to be honest, I need to be more careful about what I expose myself to. And, no, this has nothing to do with friends being Christian or not, or even about friends period. I do need to ask myself this...how is it I have time to see what everyone is up to on Facebook, but I don't have time to do my Bible study every day? I don't think Facebook is making me a bad person, I just use that to illustrate my point. There are other things I need to spend less time doing. Or, frankly, not doing at all.

I think I'm going to go back to the way I was doing things for a while. I will use the computer in the mornings, AFTER my devotional time. And then, for me, it's getting shut off. There is too much to do with my family, with my home, that will take up more of my time. I'm going to file this under resolutions, because it is going to help me be a better Christian, mother, and, yes, a better wife.

Who tells you how to discipline your child?

Today marks the one year anniversary of a tragic death, that of Lydia Schatz, who died from kidney failure. She was beaten and abused, at the advice of Michael and Debi Pearl. They claim to do this biblicly based discipline. It's NOT discipline, it's torture. My heart absolutely breaks thinking about what this girl and her sister went through. You can read about it, and other Pearl heartbreaks here: http://whynottrainachild.com/2011/02/05/schatz-one-year/

Stories like this make me wonder...what is wrong with us, as a society, that we'd rather listen to the media and "experts" than our own instincts? God gave us, especially mothers, these instincts for a reason. I know some moms who hear a child cry, and they desperately want to soothe their child, but don't, because "So and so says it will set them back". When does love set a child back? Why do parents/caregivers listen to some stranger rather than their heart? Personally, I'd rather my son grow up secure in knowing that I will love him no matter what, as Jesus loves me. How can abuse be considered Godly? How does someone justify beating their child, and then turn around and tell them that God doesn't punish us when we mess up, He loves us?

I am the expert of my child. No one else, certainly not some book or website.