I don't understand what this country's obsession with the royal family is. I mean, all this non stop coverage of the wedding. Forget about the storms that just swept the south, killing numerous people. Last time I checked, we fought in this little war so that we wouldn't HAVE to care about the wedding. Well, I suppose that WAS before the invention of satellite
So today, when I pick Wyatt up from school, I will have a surprise for him. I'm bringing Tank. No, I'm not driving a tank, I'm bringing Tank. A dog. Yes, yes, we got another one. I thought we'd go to the animal shelter so Wyatt could see how much work a puppy is, since he's been asking for "his own dog". I didn't count on them having a dog with bright blue eyes "Just like mine, Mom!!!" Sigh. At least it's a chocolate lab. Pics to come. Yes, feel free to stamp "sucker" on my forehead.
So in 4 weeks and 2 days, Randy is moving back to PA. I think, now that there's actually a date, it's really hitting me. There is part of me that will be relieved, Wyatt and I can finally move forward. But there's a pretty big part that is sad too. Randy is really a good guy. And my marriage is going to be over. That's a bitter pill to swallow.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Infertility rant
Not that I'm trying to get pregnant right now (far from it). But, my infertility is ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I'm not proud of that. I'm not proud of the fact that, on any given day, I know exactly where I am in my cycle, how many days there are until I ovulate, etc. It's not like I can "forget" how my body works. And I still envy pregnant women. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not so much
With that being said....
I think I need to get this out. And I won't lie, it's not going to be pretty. I am going to come across as bitter and mean, but I need to let it go.
It's. Not. Fair. If you have a child, and have told me that you effing hate him, I will not be happy when you get pregnant again. Nor will I feel sorry for you when you spend your mornings with your head in the toilet.
Don't you DARE tell me that I need to relax. Once I'm spending over 1,000 per month to get pregnant, relaxing is out the window.
If you've been trying for less than 6 months, don't tell me you know how I feel. You don't. Until you've been told that you need to be treated for infertility, you really don't have a clue.
Don't start suggesting my options. If you don't have access to my medical files, and don't spend an inordinary about of time in my home, you don't know what's best for my family.
I think EVERY baby is a blessing. That being said...if you are in a brand new relationship, and find you're pregnant, don't expect me to want to shout my joy from the rooftops. Just because I will love your baby doesn't mean that I have to love your pregnancy. (Please note, there are some people whose pregnancy I would love. Others, not so much)
Don't tell me I'm lucky my house is so quiet. I'd give anything for it to be loud. I WANT to put my life on hold to take care of a baby.
I wanted, dreamed of, having children close together. That is not possible anymore. Don't expect me to not grieve over the loss of my dreams.
Don't be afraid to tell me you're pregnant. Just be sensitive to the fact that it may not be easy. But trust me, it will be much easier to hear it from you with some care than it will to hear it in public. And if I'm happy, it's genuine.
Ask me how things are going. Believe me, it's always in the back of my mind.
Don't ever assume you know how I feel. I don't always know how I feel.
With that being said....
I think I need to get this out. And I won't lie, it's not going to be pretty. I am going to come across as bitter and mean, but I need to let it go.
It's. Not. Fair. If you have a child, and have told me that you effing hate him, I will not be happy when you get pregnant again. Nor will I feel sorry for you when you spend your mornings with your head in the toilet.
Don't you DARE tell me that I need to relax. Once I'm spending over 1,000 per month to get pregnant, relaxing is out the window.
If you've been trying for less than 6 months, don't tell me you know how I feel. You don't. Until you've been told that you need to be treated for infertility, you really don't have a clue.
Don't start suggesting my options. If you don't have access to my medical files, and don't spend an inordinary about of time in my home, you don't know what's best for my family.
I think EVERY baby is a blessing. That being said...if you are in a brand new relationship, and find you're pregnant, don't expect me to want to shout my joy from the rooftops. Just because I will love your baby doesn't mean that I have to love your pregnancy. (Please note, there are some people whose pregnancy I would love. Others, not so much)
Don't tell me I'm lucky my house is so quiet. I'd give anything for it to be loud. I WANT to put my life on hold to take care of a baby.
I wanted, dreamed of, having children close together. That is not possible anymore. Don't expect me to not grieve over the loss of my dreams.
Don't be afraid to tell me you're pregnant. Just be sensitive to the fact that it may not be easy. But trust me, it will be much easier to hear it from you with some care than it will to hear it in public. And if I'm happy, it's genuine.
Ask me how things are going. Believe me, it's always in the back of my mind.
Don't ever assume you know how I feel. I don't always know how I feel.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
'Scuse me, have you seen my motivation?
I seem to have misplaced it. I got the kitchen clean this morning. And I was almost motivated buuut then I sat down. And apparently my motivation ran far far away. Even Mr. Keurig hasn't seen it.
Know what I love? That, when Wyatt prays, he just talks to God. He says what's on his heart. He remembers to be thankful in his prayers before he asks for stuff. Although, as much as it hurts, he's asking for a baby brother again.
Isn't anyone on their way here to help me clean? Pleeeeease?
Yesterday, we were sitting on the back porch watching the lightening and listening to thunder. Then the clouds started...well, acting funny. When your town gets flattened by an F5, you tend to be more cautious about clouds and storms. I got nervous enough to take Wyatt over to dad's. Well, as it turns out, the next town over had a tornado. I don't even know if it touched down, but still...it's scary. *Makes mental note to check homeowners insurance*
Wyatt got upset with me today. He said he was mad that I didn't come to his class' Easter party. I told him I really wanted to be there, but I had to work. "But mommy, you never come to anything anymore. All the other moms were there" Not that I believe THAT, but it still hurt all the same :( I hate that I have to work. I hate that I can't be there for all that stuff with his class, and I REALLY hate that it's affecting him
Know what I love? That, when Wyatt prays, he just talks to God. He says what's on his heart. He remembers to be thankful in his prayers before he asks for stuff. Although, as much as it hurts, he's asking for a baby brother again.
Isn't anyone on their way here to help me clean? Pleeeeease?
Yesterday, we were sitting on the back porch watching the lightening and listening to thunder. Then the clouds started...well, acting funny. When your town gets flattened by an F5, you tend to be more cautious about clouds and storms. I got nervous enough to take Wyatt over to dad's. Well, as it turns out, the next town over had a tornado. I don't even know if it touched down, but still...it's scary. *Makes mental note to check homeowners insurance*
Wyatt got upset with me today. He said he was mad that I didn't come to his class' Easter party. I told him I really wanted to be there, but I had to work. "But mommy, you never come to anything anymore. All the other moms were there" Not that I believe THAT, but it still hurt all the same :( I hate that I have to work. I hate that I can't be there for all that stuff with his class, and I REALLY hate that it's affecting him
Monday, April 11, 2011
Plaaaaayyyyyy ball!
Well, the tball season officially started Saturday. Let me just tell you how much I LOVE living in a small town. Saturday morning they closed down all the streets around the town square for kids to get their (free) pictures with the Easter Bunny.
Then there was the Baseball Jamboree. I have never been to anything like that in my life. It was like someone was rolling out the red carpet for Spring. Everywhere you went, you could smell sunscreen, hear the sound of the bat hitting the ball, hear parents and kids cheering. It was awesome. I admit, it might have been a little better if it hadn't been 85 degrees, but, you take what you can, right? It was...well, I don't know. Guess it made me think of "small town America". I loved every minute. Even when Wyatt's game started 90 minutes late.
What's even better...Wyatt loved it. I think his face lit up and then stayed that way the whole time we were there. Of course, he got a Popsicle, and that was all that mattered. Boys, dirt, and Popsicles. Is there anything else?
Then there was the Baseball Jamboree. I have never been to anything like that in my life. It was like someone was rolling out the red carpet for Spring. Everywhere you went, you could smell sunscreen, hear the sound of the bat hitting the ball, hear parents and kids cheering. It was awesome. I admit, it might have been a little better if it hadn't been 85 degrees, but, you take what you can, right? It was...well, I don't know. Guess it made me think of "small town America". I loved every minute. Even when Wyatt's game started 90 minutes late.
What's even better...Wyatt loved it. I think his face lit up and then stayed that way the whole time we were there. Of course, he got a Popsicle, and that was all that mattered. Boys, dirt, and Popsicles. Is there anything else?
It's Monday!
Doesn't that mean it's time for another totally random blog from me?
Things around here...well, they're going. It's awkward at best some days. Randy is still here for another month to 2 months, although that, of course, is always subject to change. Part of me will be sad to see him go, but part of me can't wait. We still get along...but then we always have. That's part of the problem...to disagree involves some amount of passion. Guess what the number one thing lacking in my marriage was?
My devotional this morning was focused on patience, highlighting the verse "Be still and know I am God". Hellloooo.....Know that I am me, and I can't be still. When I really reflected on the devotional, and that verse, I realized...In being impatient, I've allowed myself to settle. Rather than rely on God to give me what I need in His time, I've been trying (and failing) to make things happen. What an incredible eye opener.
Things around here...well, they're going. It's awkward at best some days. Randy is still here for another month to 2 months, although that, of course, is always subject to change. Part of me will be sad to see him go, but part of me can't wait. We still get along...but then we always have. That's part of the problem...to disagree involves some amount of passion. Guess what the number one thing lacking in my marriage was?
My devotional this morning was focused on patience, highlighting the verse "Be still and know I am God". Hellloooo.....Know that I am me, and I can't be still. When I really reflected on the devotional, and that verse, I realized...In being impatient, I've allowed myself to settle. Rather than rely on God to give me what I need in His time, I've been trying (and failing) to make things happen. What an incredible eye opener.
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