I haven't posted in a while. There really hasn't been too much to post.
I finally have everything unpacked. Put away? Not so much. But all the boxes are out of the house. (I think) I just can't wait until Spring to open the windows, give the house a good scrubbing, and get the kids outside!
There are changes we want to make to the house. *Want*, not *need*. The trick is figuring out which changes we really want to make. There are a lot. But, again, we dont' need any of them. I am determined that we stay out of debt. We can do this, I know we can. If it means waiting, then so be it.
I don't know why I'm not asleep. It's 3:45am, and I've been up for an hour and 45 minutes. I will certainly regret this in the morning. Well, it is morning. I don't even feel tired. I wish I could have coffee in a few hours, but A) I gave it up for Lent, and B) By the time it's made within the parameters of Weight Watchers, it's not even good anymore.
I have nothing witty to say this morning. There's stuff weighing on my mind, but nothing I want to put "out there" I need my girlfriends, desperately. And at least one of them needs me, but, alas, I am here, and they are there. I will be there this weekend, but locked away in a beach house (I know, cry me a river, right?)
Sometimes people make pretty bad decisions. Everyone does it at one point or another. The unfortunate thing is that those decisions can have the power to hurt a lot of people. Sometimes they only have the power to hurt the one making the decision. I'm not sure which is worse. I know that, in either case, the decision maker is usually left with a heavy burden. That doesn't make them a bad person. I think sometimes true bravery can only come when you take the steps needed to fix things, no matter how it may make you look. Sometimes those steps are baby steps, and those are often the hardest.
I know, I'm rambling. It makes sense to me, and I think, once people can get past the garble, they can see themselves in that.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
At work. Oh joy
Well, yesterday I was in bed, all day. I got up for about a half hour at a time, and then was so exhausted I was back in bed for another 2-3 hours. Insane. I'm so glad that's over with. I did, though, make every effort to use up all my daily points for Weight Watchers. I wasn't totally successful, but I did try.
Man, I feel like I eat all day. People tell me in a week or 2 I will feel like I'm starving. Now, I feel like I have to force it in. Maybe it's supposed to make you feel gluttonous so you feel bad about eating so much.
So, one of the worst feelings in the world, at least for me, is knowing that a friend is going through a hard time. I wish I could be with her to help her. Even though I can't make it better, I could certainly make her forget for a few minutes. Shopping and driving recklessly through the parking lot always makes for a good time. I hope this friend knows that I would be there with her if I could.
Man, I feel like I eat all day. People tell me in a week or 2 I will feel like I'm starving. Now, I feel like I have to force it in. Maybe it's supposed to make you feel gluttonous so you feel bad about eating so much.
So, one of the worst feelings in the world, at least for me, is knowing that a friend is going through a hard time. I wish I could be with her to help her. Even though I can't make it better, I could certainly make her forget for a few minutes. Shopping and driving recklessly through the parking lot always makes for a good time. I hope this friend knows that I would be there with her if I could.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Better late than never....
Wyatt needs to have chores. The boy gets away with too much. I will start small....He has to put away the silverware when I empty the dishwasher. I need to make up a chore chart, and give him stickers. So many stickers=something fun. Don't know what that fun thing will be yet....Maybe a trip to Chocolate World? Maybe a new coloring book....Who knows.
In May there is a Homeschooling convention. I shall attend. We will see what I find. But the more I really think about it, and the less I listen to other people, the more it's what I want to do. Wyatt already has the basics for Kindergarten. I just have to enhance what he knows, and be sneaky about it. If I sit him down and tell him it's time for school work, then he won't do it. There is so much history at our fingertips, and so many ways I can enhance lessons. I know I can do it. I just need to be more firm in my decision when other people question it. I really do feel it's what's best for our family. I'm a little concerned about teaching him to read. It's such a basic skill, and so very important. He knows the phonetic sounds for most letters, it's just a matter of him putting them together properly. All in good time, my pretty, all in good time.
The boy fell asleep on teh way home, at about 6. Poor guy, he's so worn out. He woke up a little bit ago, and asked to go to bed. Hopefully he doesn't wake up at 5 am ready to start his day! I've taken enough cold medicine to knock out an elephant, and it has yet to kick in. Tomorrow is my day to (somewhat) sleep in. Randy is getting the girls on his way home, so they will all be here about 9.
Weight Watchers is going well. I went to Starbucks TWICE today, and still had extra points at the end of the day. A banana, some chocolate, and a sandwich later, and all was well. I need to plan my meals better, so I don't end up eating 2 at the end of the day. That defeats the purpose!
Ah well, it's still early, but off to bed. I didn't sleep well last night, thanks to this cold. Hopefully tonight is different.
In May there is a Homeschooling convention. I shall attend. We will see what I find. But the more I really think about it, and the less I listen to other people, the more it's what I want to do. Wyatt already has the basics for Kindergarten. I just have to enhance what he knows, and be sneaky about it. If I sit him down and tell him it's time for school work, then he won't do it. There is so much history at our fingertips, and so many ways I can enhance lessons. I know I can do it. I just need to be more firm in my decision when other people question it. I really do feel it's what's best for our family. I'm a little concerned about teaching him to read. It's such a basic skill, and so very important. He knows the phonetic sounds for most letters, it's just a matter of him putting them together properly. All in good time, my pretty, all in good time.
The boy fell asleep on teh way home, at about 6. Poor guy, he's so worn out. He woke up a little bit ago, and asked to go to bed. Hopefully he doesn't wake up at 5 am ready to start his day! I've taken enough cold medicine to knock out an elephant, and it has yet to kick in. Tomorrow is my day to (somewhat) sleep in. Randy is getting the girls on his way home, so they will all be here about 9.
Weight Watchers is going well. I went to Starbucks TWICE today, and still had extra points at the end of the day. A banana, some chocolate, and a sandwich later, and all was well. I need to plan my meals better, so I don't end up eating 2 at the end of the day. That defeats the purpose!
Ah well, it's still early, but off to bed. I didn't sleep well last night, thanks to this cold. Hopefully tonight is different.
Reflection
Congratulations Nick & Lindsey!!!!
I'm sitting here, waiting for more of that stuff to arrive. That cold, wet, nasty stuff. While I'm waiting, I reviewed my blog on my goals for the year. I really haven't made much change :( However, I am trying. I need to be more disciplined. I did start Weight Watchers yesterday. And, I ate exactly what I needed to stay at my target points. I think now it's so easy to follow WW, because there are SO many recipes out there. There's a lot of pre-made food (muffins, TV dinners) so I can follow it at work too. And I don't feel at all deprived. I even had Starbucks this morning! I started my period yesterday, and had the chocolate I was craving. This really is a very easy diet to follow. If I have a recipe, I plug it into the thing-y online, and it tells me how many points I'm using. I can do this!!! Being forced to keep track of what I eat though, taught me something. I knew I snacked on stuff, but I don't think I realized how much until today. When I cleaned up from the kids' lunch, out of habit, I almost popped a handful of goldfish into my mouth. It's not like I was hungry. It's no wonder I put on all this weight. I didn't realize how much I really ate when I was bored. One thing I can say, is WW will help me to keep my goal of cooking more!
I am hereby making a few new goals for myself (To coincide with my New Years Goals)
~Computer use is only for when Wyatt is sleeping or during quiet time. I have neglected Wyatt far too much to be on this machine.
~When I get bored and want to snack, there is plenty of housework I can do. Or when I'm bored and DONT want to snack, there is still housework I can do, or a little boy to play with.
~By this weekend, I want to have my homemaker's notebook put together. Or at least have made some progress with it.
Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time cleaning my bathroom. It felt so good to make that room nice and relaxing. My Valentines Day gift to myself was a bubble bath, complete with a book and candles. Randy didn't get me anything, but that's no surprise. He's still so new to all this stuff. And, really, he let me take that bath. He does so much for me every day, and that's what's important. Not what big thing he can do once a year, but those little daily things are what mean the most. I love you very much, honey!
I'm sitting here, waiting for more of that stuff to arrive. That cold, wet, nasty stuff. While I'm waiting, I reviewed my blog on my goals for the year. I really haven't made much change :( However, I am trying. I need to be more disciplined. I did start Weight Watchers yesterday. And, I ate exactly what I needed to stay at my target points. I think now it's so easy to follow WW, because there are SO many recipes out there. There's a lot of pre-made food (muffins, TV dinners) so I can follow it at work too. And I don't feel at all deprived. I even had Starbucks this morning! I started my period yesterday, and had the chocolate I was craving. This really is a very easy diet to follow. If I have a recipe, I plug it into the thing-y online, and it tells me how many points I'm using. I can do this!!! Being forced to keep track of what I eat though, taught me something. I knew I snacked on stuff, but I don't think I realized how much until today. When I cleaned up from the kids' lunch, out of habit, I almost popped a handful of goldfish into my mouth. It's not like I was hungry. It's no wonder I put on all this weight. I didn't realize how much I really ate when I was bored. One thing I can say, is WW will help me to keep my goal of cooking more!
I am hereby making a few new goals for myself (To coincide with my New Years Goals)
~Computer use is only for when Wyatt is sleeping or during quiet time. I have neglected Wyatt far too much to be on this machine.
~When I get bored and want to snack, there is plenty of housework I can do. Or when I'm bored and DONT want to snack, there is still housework I can do, or a little boy to play with.
~By this weekend, I want to have my homemaker's notebook put together. Or at least have made some progress with it.
Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time cleaning my bathroom. It felt so good to make that room nice and relaxing. My Valentines Day gift to myself was a bubble bath, complete with a book and candles. Randy didn't get me anything, but that's no surprise. He's still so new to all this stuff. And, really, he let me take that bath. He does so much for me every day, and that's what's important. Not what big thing he can do once a year, but those little daily things are what mean the most. I love you very much, honey!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Out of the mouths of babes...
So this morning, Wyatt and I are cuddling, when I notice it...I teeny, tiny, little pimple on his forehead. You moms know how it is. Those things are irresistable! I had to pick at it. I tried so hard to be gentle, but the moment I touched it, he screamed. "OW! Mom, leave it alone!" I told him I had to get it, it was making me nuts. So then he says "But, Mom, God put it there. He wants me to have a pimple" Really, who can argue with logic like that?
Wyatt and Randy are laying together on the floor, on their tummies, chins in hands, feet in the air, playing on the cell phone. That is just the cutest sight. Really, that beats anything that could be dressed up with bows and ribbon today. That one thing alone makes this the best Valentine's Day ever.
I have so much to get done today. I feel like crud. Wyatt and I both have colds, so we skipped church. Isn't it funny how something so minor as a cold can make you feel so rotten? But I set goals for the weekend, and they WILL get done! Maybe.
Wyatt and Randy are laying together on the floor, on their tummies, chins in hands, feet in the air, playing on the cell phone. That is just the cutest sight. Really, that beats anything that could be dressed up with bows and ribbon today. That one thing alone makes this the best Valentine's Day ever.
I have so much to get done today. I feel like crud. Wyatt and I both have colds, so we skipped church. Isn't it funny how something so minor as a cold can make you feel so rotten? But I set goals for the weekend, and they WILL get done! Maybe.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Some ramblings
First of all, let me just say.... I AM SO SICK OF SNOW!!!!
OK, now that we got that straight. I worked a shift this week that was non-stop. I actually had to go back in to do a trip sheet because I didn't have time to finish it during my shift. And still, nothing I did made a difference. A couple of nursing home calls, and a working code. I made not one iota of difference, aside from providing comfort. And, for the first time ever, I heard someone (A lady in her 70s) tell me that Prednisone made her feel like she could "lick the world". This is the wisdom being handed down for generations!
I feel better about work. I think I looked to it to solve problems, and, well, that's just not going to happen. I just need to accept it as it is. I am very blessed in the fact that I don't *need* to work outside the home. But it does distract me from things that I think I'm missing out on at home.
I've done a lot of thinking about the whole fertility thing. And a lot of praying. I think that, for now, it's just going to go to the back burner. There are so many other things I'd like to concentrate on. I want to go back and re-read my blog on goals for the New Year. But I know my home needs to be more organized. It's not a big one, so it doesn't take much for the clutter to make you feel like you are getting pushed right back out the door! And I don't want that. I want my home to be peaceful. (Well, as peaceful as possible with the zoo under the roof) And I really want to be selfish for a little while. I want to spend more family time. Randy and I had wanted to do a date night once a month. Even if it turned into a date night in if we couldn't get a sitter, then so be it. Just something so we are doing more than passing each other in the hallway. And I do want to get healthier before we try to take on the fertility process. Both mind and body (No smart comments, please!!!)
I see so many weekend trips we could take. And I want to do that. I really want to get my focus back on my family. I lost that somewhere. Maybe it's under the snow. (Did I mention how sick of snow I am)
Anyway, for my sanity, the fertility stuff will wait. In the meantime, I will pray that it happens naturally. And I feel such a relief over making that decision. Maybe at some point in the next few months, I will get the urge to start, but I need to concentrate on the family I have now. And I need to take care of myself better before I start doing all that stuff to my body.
On a totally different topic....Someone recently told me that she finds my blog inspirational. That meant so much to me. I certainly don't intend for it to be. It's just a way for me to get my ramblings & vents out. I think that speaks to the school of thought that you never know whose life you will affect in any given day. Lindsey is someone we are getting to know better, and I'm happy for it. She is truly a nice person. She and her other half were such a big help in getting us moved in. She reminds me of...well...me a few years ago. I'm really looking forward to getting to know her better and developing a friendship with her.
2 more weeks and I will be in MD. I"m bummed, cause my Trish works my free day down there, but...what can ya do? I miss her terribly. There is so much lately that I've just felt I needed her to be with me for. She just...I don't know how to explain it. But she puts things into perspective for me. I am really blessed to have her in my life.
Alright, my coffee cup is running low. And this is my last day for coffee, as I've officially signed up for weight watchers. Now I must meal plan. *Sigh*
OK, now that we got that straight. I worked a shift this week that was non-stop. I actually had to go back in to do a trip sheet because I didn't have time to finish it during my shift. And still, nothing I did made a difference. A couple of nursing home calls, and a working code. I made not one iota of difference, aside from providing comfort. And, for the first time ever, I heard someone (A lady in her 70s) tell me that Prednisone made her feel like she could "lick the world". This is the wisdom being handed down for generations!
I feel better about work. I think I looked to it to solve problems, and, well, that's just not going to happen. I just need to accept it as it is. I am very blessed in the fact that I don't *need* to work outside the home. But it does distract me from things that I think I'm missing out on at home.
I've done a lot of thinking about the whole fertility thing. And a lot of praying. I think that, for now, it's just going to go to the back burner. There are so many other things I'd like to concentrate on. I want to go back and re-read my blog on goals for the New Year. But I know my home needs to be more organized. It's not a big one, so it doesn't take much for the clutter to make you feel like you are getting pushed right back out the door! And I don't want that. I want my home to be peaceful. (Well, as peaceful as possible with the zoo under the roof) And I really want to be selfish for a little while. I want to spend more family time. Randy and I had wanted to do a date night once a month. Even if it turned into a date night in if we couldn't get a sitter, then so be it. Just something so we are doing more than passing each other in the hallway. And I do want to get healthier before we try to take on the fertility process. Both mind and body (No smart comments, please!!!)
I see so many weekend trips we could take. And I want to do that. I really want to get my focus back on my family. I lost that somewhere. Maybe it's under the snow. (Did I mention how sick of snow I am)
Anyway, for my sanity, the fertility stuff will wait. In the meantime, I will pray that it happens naturally. And I feel such a relief over making that decision. Maybe at some point in the next few months, I will get the urge to start, but I need to concentrate on the family I have now. And I need to take care of myself better before I start doing all that stuff to my body.
On a totally different topic....Someone recently told me that she finds my blog inspirational. That meant so much to me. I certainly don't intend for it to be. It's just a way for me to get my ramblings & vents out. I think that speaks to the school of thought that you never know whose life you will affect in any given day. Lindsey is someone we are getting to know better, and I'm happy for it. She is truly a nice person. She and her other half were such a big help in getting us moved in. She reminds me of...well...me a few years ago. I'm really looking forward to getting to know her better and developing a friendship with her.
2 more weeks and I will be in MD. I"m bummed, cause my Trish works my free day down there, but...what can ya do? I miss her terribly. There is so much lately that I've just felt I needed her to be with me for. She just...I don't know how to explain it. But she puts things into perspective for me. I am really blessed to have her in my life.
Alright, my coffee cup is running low. And this is my last day for coffee, as I've officially signed up for weight watchers. Now I must meal plan. *Sigh*
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Priorities...Who Am I?
OK, so...I started back to work last week. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. Now? I'm not so sure. The money is great, and it will go a long way towards helping us pay for the IVF. And for the longest time, so much of my identity was wrapped up in being an EMT. Really, I wanted a break from..."home" too. I wanted some kid-free time. Not that Randy hasn't tried his hardest to give me some whenever I wanted/needed it, but....Still. There's only so much he can do.
My closest friends are my oldest ones. So of course, they knew me when I was an EMT. I love each and every one of them, and I'm not sure they would understand what I'm feeling right now. Yes, friends are allowed to have different opinions. I know that. But it's like I've changed so much. More than even I thought I had. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt for a single moment that they wouldn't still love me and listen to me vent about being stuck at home some days. And they would still be friends with me (HA HA, like I would let them just walk away from me!!!)
I've been back to work for 3 shifts. And, it's just not what I thought it would be. I mean, it's great to get paid to sit around, watch tv, and once in a while, go make someone feel better....or at least get them to where they will feel better. But...My heart isn't in it. Not like it used to be. Granted, in those 3 shifts, I had 2 calls, and neither was someone who truely needed us. But that's the normal up here. It's just....not fun anymore. And, really, am I making a difference? No. There is nothing I do for someone that is going to save them. Not really. I just drive a fancy taxi. And I'm exhausted all the time, so the fact that me working was serving the purpose of getting me out of the house has gotten us nowhere. I'm just as cranky as I was before
Not to mention, I want to be a "helpmeet" to Randy. How can I do that when I'm not even here to help him? And I get home from work, and the house is a mess, Wyatt is clingy, and Randy has to turn around and leave. Why do I want this? He tries to keep the house clean, he really does, but for him...It's one or the other. He can't be really good at playing with kids AND keepign house. And I'd rather the housekeeping fall to the wayside. I certainly don't come home and relax. This is no fault of my husband's. It's just life. I'm coming across as whiney, and I'm really not. I think I'm just trying to sort through everything in my head and get it on "paper"
My new identity is wife and mom. And you know, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Actually, I'm pretty proud of that.
I'm not going to quit my job. Randy would let me and take on another one in a heartbeat. I honestly think that's what he'd rather do than see me like this all the time. I just can't do that to him. I just think that God guides us to our paths. There is a reason that I went back to work. I can't say that I know what it is yet.
Who knows. If things go well this summer, I may not be able to work for a while. But something's gotta give!
My closest friends are my oldest ones. So of course, they knew me when I was an EMT. I love each and every one of them, and I'm not sure they would understand what I'm feeling right now. Yes, friends are allowed to have different opinions. I know that. But it's like I've changed so much. More than even I thought I had. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt for a single moment that they wouldn't still love me and listen to me vent about being stuck at home some days. And they would still be friends with me (HA HA, like I would let them just walk away from me!!!)
I've been back to work for 3 shifts. And, it's just not what I thought it would be. I mean, it's great to get paid to sit around, watch tv, and once in a while, go make someone feel better....or at least get them to where they will feel better. But...My heart isn't in it. Not like it used to be. Granted, in those 3 shifts, I had 2 calls, and neither was someone who truely needed us. But that's the normal up here. It's just....not fun anymore. And, really, am I making a difference? No. There is nothing I do for someone that is going to save them. Not really. I just drive a fancy taxi. And I'm exhausted all the time, so the fact that me working was serving the purpose of getting me out of the house has gotten us nowhere. I'm just as cranky as I was before
Not to mention, I want to be a "helpmeet" to Randy. How can I do that when I'm not even here to help him? And I get home from work, and the house is a mess, Wyatt is clingy, and Randy has to turn around and leave. Why do I want this? He tries to keep the house clean, he really does, but for him...It's one or the other. He can't be really good at playing with kids AND keepign house. And I'd rather the housekeeping fall to the wayside. I certainly don't come home and relax. This is no fault of my husband's. It's just life. I'm coming across as whiney, and I'm really not. I think I'm just trying to sort through everything in my head and get it on "paper"
My new identity is wife and mom. And you know, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Actually, I'm pretty proud of that.
I'm not going to quit my job. Randy would let me and take on another one in a heartbeat. I honestly think that's what he'd rather do than see me like this all the time. I just can't do that to him. I just think that God guides us to our paths. There is a reason that I went back to work. I can't say that I know what it is yet.
Who knows. If things go well this summer, I may not be able to work for a while. But something's gotta give!
Waiting. Some more :)
Well, we've decided to wait until the end of the summer to do our first attempt of IVF. There are a few reasons for this. Some selfish, some not. Now, I'm being positive and assuming the first round will work.
We are going on vacation in July with a friend and her family. I want to be able to enjoy it with Wyatt, and not spend it either awash in morning sickness, or worried about doing something to harm the baby. Plus, with my cervical and bleeding issues, I wouldn't be comfortable being so far away from my doctors and hospital. This is going to be the last vacation we will have for a few years, so I want to enjoy it. And, I think if we are coming back from vacation, I will be able to relax some and allow the little embryos to "stick".
I really don't want to be pregnant during the summer. First trimester, ok. But not the 3rd. Especially if I have multiples, if that's what ends up happening...And that's a very real possibility. (Again, thinking positively here that IVF will take the first time!!!)
And, the biggest reason (no pun intended) is that I want to lose weight before I have the IVF. I want my body to be as receptive as possible. I'm obviously going to gain weight during the pregnancy, so I want to be at least a little bit smaller when I start. And, I want the embryos to WANT to hang around in there. Gotta make it the best environment it can be!
I think this is the best choice. I mean, yeah, I wanna do it NOW. But I want to enjoy our vacation cabin, I want to be able to do stuff with Wyatt. Maybe we will make the vacation in June, and we can do the IVF sooner, but....I at least want to do that first. Selfish, yes. But this is my last chance to be selfish for a loooong while. And it's for Wyatt too, so he can have the last hurrah with us
We are going on vacation in July with a friend and her family. I want to be able to enjoy it with Wyatt, and not spend it either awash in morning sickness, or worried about doing something to harm the baby. Plus, with my cervical and bleeding issues, I wouldn't be comfortable being so far away from my doctors and hospital. This is going to be the last vacation we will have for a few years, so I want to enjoy it. And, I think if we are coming back from vacation, I will be able to relax some and allow the little embryos to "stick".
I really don't want to be pregnant during the summer. First trimester, ok. But not the 3rd. Especially if I have multiples, if that's what ends up happening...And that's a very real possibility. (Again, thinking positively here that IVF will take the first time!!!)
And, the biggest reason (no pun intended) is that I want to lose weight before I have the IVF. I want my body to be as receptive as possible. I'm obviously going to gain weight during the pregnancy, so I want to be at least a little bit smaller when I start. And, I want the embryos to WANT to hang around in there. Gotta make it the best environment it can be!
I think this is the best choice. I mean, yeah, I wanna do it NOW. But I want to enjoy our vacation cabin, I want to be able to do stuff with Wyatt. Maybe we will make the vacation in June, and we can do the IVF sooner, but....I at least want to do that first. Selfish, yes. But this is my last chance to be selfish for a loooong while. And it's for Wyatt too, so he can have the last hurrah with us
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Logic vs Emotion
OK, so...
I know I had mentioned getting a loan to pay for the IVF and to pay my brother. That is the "I-want-a-baby- RIGHT-NOW" part of me speaking. After taking some time to think about it...
What I think we should do, what the pesky logical part of me thinks we should do....is pay Steve off first, then save like CRAZY for the IVF. And, in the meantime, I will try to lose weight. Maybe we will get pregnant in the meantime. Maybe not. But my friend Kelly had a good point. If the IVF fails, do I really want to pay for something every month that didn't work? So, I think we are going to be practical. And, who knows, maybe we will get pregnant in the meantime. Maybe not. But if we do, that 10 grand could go to my new appliances!
God has a plan. It will all work out, just maybe not when we want it to
I know I had mentioned getting a loan to pay for the IVF and to pay my brother. That is the "I-want-a-baby- RIGHT-NOW" part of me speaking. After taking some time to think about it...
What I think we should do, what the pesky logical part of me thinks we should do....is pay Steve off first, then save like CRAZY for the IVF. And, in the meantime, I will try to lose weight. Maybe we will get pregnant in the meantime. Maybe not. But my friend Kelly had a good point. If the IVF fails, do I really want to pay for something every month that didn't work? So, I think we are going to be practical. And, who knows, maybe we will get pregnant in the meantime. Maybe not. But if we do, that 10 grand could go to my new appliances!
God has a plan. It will all work out, just maybe not when we want it to
Walkin' In A Winter Wonderland
Snow, snow everywhere! Wyatt woke up begging to go out. He made it down the front steps, and he was begging to come back in. Mocha, on the other hand, literally LEAPT for joy out there. Which did my heart good, as she hasn't been very playful with everything going on. Then...wonder of wonders....she came inside and ate for the first time since Sam died. Oh, it makes me feel so good to see it!
So, on the list for today....Get laundry done, get our room all put away, and organize the kitchen. Tomorrow I want to tackle Wyatt's room and my craft room. I should probably, some time today, shovel our insanely long driveway so my husband can come home tomorrow. And I have to go to work, too. For now, though, there is coffee to be drunk. And drink it I will!
Is it Spring yet?
So, on the list for today....Get laundry done, get our room all put away, and organize the kitchen. Tomorrow I want to tackle Wyatt's room and my craft room. I should probably, some time today, shovel our insanely long driveway so my husband can come home tomorrow. And I have to go to work, too. For now, though, there is coffee to be drunk. And drink it I will!
Is it Spring yet?
Friday, February 5, 2010
Lot's going on!
I know it's been a while. There has been a lot going on for us.
As everyone knows, we moved into our new house. It's much smaller, but with a lot of land. Our first night here, I took a deep breath and realized....I actually, felt calm. This just feels right. It will feel more right once we are all unpacked though!
Wyatt is adapting VERY well....LOL....We have a rule that when either Randy or I are at work, or away for the night, Wyatt can fall asleep in our bed. Well, this week, it seems one of us has been away every night! Wyatt does love his new firetruck room, and he's getting used to having to keep his toys in his room.
One night this week, we had gone out to dinner with some friends. Randy and my friend's husband each met us when they got off work. Well, when I dropped off my friend and her kids, both husbands had suggested I stay the night there because the roads were very slick. A few hours into the night, while I was on the phone with Randy, our sweet puppy, Sam, passed away. He was only 4 months old. I thought I was doing well with it, but I'm crying as I type this. The next morning, Wyatt, who didn't know Sam was gone yet, told me that Sam was next to him playing on the floor, but I couldn't see him. Now, Wyatt knows that Sam is in a place with all the Milkbones in the world. Mocha is NOT doing well at all with it. She's not eating, and she lays around a lot. Keep in mind that she is barely a year old. I don't know what to do for her. She's skinny to begin with. My heart hurts for her.
I did go back to work this week. Back to EMS. 20 hours and not one call. We didn't even go get food. I was bored to tears. Easy money though, I guess. I would have said that we don't need the money, but, well, who can't use it? It's helping me to find myself again, and it's certainly nice to get out of the house. It makes me think that I CAN homeschool, because going to work will give me the break I need. But, I'm still not sure about that (Shocking, 'aint it?)
We did go to an open house for a Christian school for Wyatt. I did like it, but I just don't know. I have yet to see something that feels "right" for us.
I went back to the fertility specialist today. As it turns out, I have one blocked tube and one good tube. So, my chances of conceiving naturally are really diminished. So we discussed my medical options. (Anyone who doesn't want to read personal stuff, just skip this paragraph. Better yet...Get outta my blog!!!) They can do a laproscopy to find out why it's blocked, but that's just going to tell us why, not fix it. No, thank you! So, I can take Clomid, a pill to help you make more eggs, then have an IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination....Basically, they will take Randy's sperm and put it right in my uterus). It has less than 10% success rate for someone with both tubes working. Half of that for me. Then, there's injectable drugs for me, followed by an IUI. Higher success rate, but again, it's cut in half for me. Lastly there is IVF. We all know what that is. That has a 40% success rate, and, because my tubes don't matter, it's still 40% for me. Naturally, it's also the most expensive route. I talked to Randy, and he's all about pursuing that. I have some reservations. But I will say that Randy is of the mind that it's my body, so what we put it through is my choice.
So that brings us to paying for this thing. There's the logical "let's get totally out of debt and then save for it" way of thinking. The only debt we have is 6,000 remaining on the house. So that means that we could, reasonably, pay for it within a year. (After paying off the 6000) Then there is the "let's take out a loan, pay off Steve, get the IVF done, and pay the loan off as quickly as possible" way of thinking. There is the part of me that says that we have waited long enough. I don't want to wait anymore. I want my baby now. It's so hard. I try to tell myself that there is still the chance we can get pregnant on our own. So maybe we should pay off Steve, save up the 10 grand, and keep trying in the meantime. However, I have never been known for my patience. See? Another decision. I'm done with them, thank you.
What to do, what to do???
It looks like we are going to be snowed in for the weekend. Randy has to be at work in the morning, so he just went in tonight since the worst of it will hit overnight. I'm spending tonight hanging in my jammies, and then tomorrow I plan to tackle a lot of this "stuff". I want to get these boxes outta here, and my house in order! When better to do it than when I'm snowed in?
As everyone knows, we moved into our new house. It's much smaller, but with a lot of land. Our first night here, I took a deep breath and realized....I actually, felt calm. This just feels right. It will feel more right once we are all unpacked though!
Wyatt is adapting VERY well....LOL....We have a rule that when either Randy or I are at work, or away for the night, Wyatt can fall asleep in our bed. Well, this week, it seems one of us has been away every night! Wyatt does love his new firetruck room, and he's getting used to having to keep his toys in his room.
One night this week, we had gone out to dinner with some friends. Randy and my friend's husband each met us when they got off work. Well, when I dropped off my friend and her kids, both husbands had suggested I stay the night there because the roads were very slick. A few hours into the night, while I was on the phone with Randy, our sweet puppy, Sam, passed away. He was only 4 months old. I thought I was doing well with it, but I'm crying as I type this. The next morning, Wyatt, who didn't know Sam was gone yet, told me that Sam was next to him playing on the floor, but I couldn't see him. Now, Wyatt knows that Sam is in a place with all the Milkbones in the world. Mocha is NOT doing well at all with it. She's not eating, and she lays around a lot. Keep in mind that she is barely a year old. I don't know what to do for her. She's skinny to begin with. My heart hurts for her.
I did go back to work this week. Back to EMS. 20 hours and not one call. We didn't even go get food. I was bored to tears. Easy money though, I guess. I would have said that we don't need the money, but, well, who can't use it? It's helping me to find myself again, and it's certainly nice to get out of the house. It makes me think that I CAN homeschool, because going to work will give me the break I need. But, I'm still not sure about that (Shocking, 'aint it?)
We did go to an open house for a Christian school for Wyatt. I did like it, but I just don't know. I have yet to see something that feels "right" for us.
I went back to the fertility specialist today. As it turns out, I have one blocked tube and one good tube. So, my chances of conceiving naturally are really diminished. So we discussed my medical options. (Anyone who doesn't want to read personal stuff, just skip this paragraph. Better yet...Get outta my blog!!!) They can do a laproscopy to find out why it's blocked, but that's just going to tell us why, not fix it. No, thank you! So, I can take Clomid, a pill to help you make more eggs, then have an IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination....Basically, they will take Randy's sperm and put it right in my uterus). It has less than 10% success rate for someone with both tubes working. Half of that for me. Then, there's injectable drugs for me, followed by an IUI. Higher success rate, but again, it's cut in half for me. Lastly there is IVF. We all know what that is. That has a 40% success rate, and, because my tubes don't matter, it's still 40% for me. Naturally, it's also the most expensive route. I talked to Randy, and he's all about pursuing that. I have some reservations. But I will say that Randy is of the mind that it's my body, so what we put it through is my choice.
So that brings us to paying for this thing. There's the logical "let's get totally out of debt and then save for it" way of thinking. The only debt we have is 6,000 remaining on the house. So that means that we could, reasonably, pay for it within a year. (After paying off the 6000) Then there is the "let's take out a loan, pay off Steve, get the IVF done, and pay the loan off as quickly as possible" way of thinking. There is the part of me that says that we have waited long enough. I don't want to wait anymore. I want my baby now. It's so hard. I try to tell myself that there is still the chance we can get pregnant on our own. So maybe we should pay off Steve, save up the 10 grand, and keep trying in the meantime. However, I have never been known for my patience. See? Another decision. I'm done with them, thank you.
What to do, what to do???
It looks like we are going to be snowed in for the weekend. Randy has to be at work in the morning, so he just went in tonight since the worst of it will hit overnight. I'm spending tonight hanging in my jammies, and then tomorrow I plan to tackle a lot of this "stuff". I want to get these boxes outta here, and my house in order! When better to do it than when I'm snowed in?
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