Putting it in perspective

So here's my big New Year's resolution.....

Don't sweat the small stuff. I mean, really, we all get so worked up and focused on drama that we tend to forget about the good stuff.

This week, I felt like I was dealt one blow after another. Due to...let's call it an unexpected expense...I have to break my lease and move into a friend's "cozy" apartment with her family. I was stressed to the max about moving, uprooting Wyatt for what is going to be a temporary thing (meaning he will get uprooted again), being another 1/2 hour away from work, hoping the roommate stuff wont' mess up our friendship....Then, I realized... I have an amazing friend who is more than happy to share what she has with Wyatt and me. And she offered without even batting an eye. What an incredible gift that is. We don't need "stuff". There really is very little we need. This biggest thing is, of course, shelter and nourishment. Just behind that is love. Wyatt and I have an abundance of love, both for each other and for (and from!) friends. You truly don't know what kind of friends you have until they step up. This last year has certainly shown me that. (Heck, really, the last 6months) I'm certainly convinced that DNA means very little, it's the people who stand beside you that make up your family.

Today I picked Wyatt up from a sleepover. He stayed up way late, then was up throwing up (pretty sure it was reflux) and woke up early. Yay! The recipe for a cranky kid. He took a 2 hour nap right up until 5, and was then very whiny, felt warm to me (but I was cold) and continued to lay around and not want to eat. Great. He's gotta be getting sick, right? Yet another thing I have to figure out how to balance. Did I mention he was cranky? Oh. My. Bob. I was ready to lay down next to him and stomp my feet about how much life stinks.

Then, I remembered...an old friend had to do the hardest thing imaginable today. She buried her newborn daughter. The daughter she felt moving inside her 2 hours before her C-section. I looked at my healthy (in the grand scheme of things), smart, funny and mostly happy little boy today and remembered that I have a major blessing. I'm sure my friend would have gladly traded places with me.

What amazing reminders to keep things in perspective. There is always someone who wants to trade places with you.

You never know what may happen next year, tomorrow, or in the next 2 hours. You can't go crazy worrying about it, but you can make every moment count.

My early mornings

Good morning. I know, I know, it's been a bit. What New Years Resolution? I don't know what you're talking about. Hey, look, I've kept up with everything else...I'm down 15 pounds, I got baptized...there have been more important things!

Anyway, I really love my early mornings. Lately I've been getting up between 4 and 4:30, doing WiiFit (which isn't the BEST ever, but hey, it's better than nothing) then I have devotional time, and then, well...just me time. I'm so tired by the end of the day that I don't get time for all that at night.

I'm sitting here now looking out the window at a sunrise. It's so beautiful. It's one of those things that I really think we take for granted. I mean, it's just amazing, and to think that God made that... It really lifts my spirits, you know?

Boy...when you need to hear a message....

Have you ever noticed that when you really need to hear something, you hear it over and over in so many different ways? I know I've touched on that before. Well, I'm doing it again. Yesterday we had a sermon that, well, it made me see some things about myself that I'm not proud of, things I needed to see. I knew some of them, or at least wondered about them...if they were right or wrong. Well, after yesterday's sermon, it just couldn't be more clear. Then this morning I read a devotional a friend had sent me over a week ago. Wow. What another eye opener. It was somewhat about the same thing. Close enough that I took the same meaning out of it. I need to change some things about myself. And, if I'm to be honest, looking over the course of my marriage, well...when I had been more careful about my influences, my marriage was better. If I'm going to be honest, I need to be more careful about what I expose myself to. And, no, this has nothing to do with friends being Christian or not, or even about friends period. I do need to ask myself this...how is it I have time to see what everyone is up to on Facebook, but I don't have time to do my Bible study every day? I don't think Facebook is making me a bad person, I just use that to illustrate my point. There are other things I need to spend less time doing. Or, frankly, not doing at all.

I think I'm going to go back to the way I was doing things for a while. I will use the computer in the mornings, AFTER my devotional time. And then, for me, it's getting shut off. There is too much to do with my family, with my home, that will take up more of my time. I'm going to file this under resolutions, because it is going to help me be a better Christian, mother, and, yes, a better wife.

Morning, everyone!!

Good grief, it was hard to get out of bed this morning. I am hurting. Lots to do today though. I have to go to a doctor's office to fill out an application...I'm not sure how I feel about it, because it is a hair further from home than I would like...but I don't really feel like I'm in a position to be picky, either. Honestly, I'd just be grateful to have a job. Especially one that is in a medical office. We will see. I mean, it's certainly not like they've even offered it to me.

Still not working out yet. I know that I feel better when I'm moving, but I'm certainly not going to work out. I will wait until I'm pain free for that. Since I have to go into a bigger town today, maybe I will just go walk around the mall for a little while to let my hip loosen up. I know I really have nothing to complain about, so many people have it far worse, but I really want to get back into working out! You know, though, yesterday I read something that says you should only make one major change at a time. So maybe this is meant to slow me down until I get back in the point counting groove.

I am pretty upset about something. I have several friends with MS, one who is my weekly coffee date. Yesterday I attempted to register for an MS walk, and found that the closest one is over 2 hours away. I emailed our local chapter office to see what we can do to have one closer, and I haven't heard anything back. It may be too late for this year anyway, we may have to wait until next year. I do think I will sign up for the one in GA. What is a 2 hour drive compared to what so many people are going through? I really think we need to raise awareness. This is a horrible disease, and watching my friend cry because she can't stay after church for Sunday small groups just breaks my heart. I will keep y'all posted on that.

Attempting this whole blogging at night thing....

Maybe it will be more interesting? Who knows. I would like people to note this is THREE blogs in one day! HA! Betcha never thought I could do it did you? Of course, if you've read all 3 in one sitting, I probably need to get you some coffee.

Wyatt has a 2 hour delay tomorrow. Really? I can't figure out what for. Pure insanity. There isn't even ice on our cars. Nuts nuts nuts.

So, what is love? I've been told that love is a choice, which would mean you chose who you love. But it's not always that easy. Doesn't there have to be something? I do have kind feelings towards Randy, but...as much as I sometimes wish I did, I dont love him. I've tried, honestly I have. And I know (hope) that we will always be friends. There is no ill will. I just wish I could make it more. But more often than not it seems like we don't even have anything to talk about.

Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be one of THOSE entries.

OH!!! I got ALL the pictures on one of the memory cards uploaded! WAHOO!! They are also organized by album. Tomorrow I will start the other memory card. Progress! And if it wasn't for the fact that I blog about it, and therefore feel accountable, I never would have finished it. So for all you readers out there (both of you!) thanks :)

One of my favorite movies is on....Where The Heart Is. I love this movie. A lot. I shall watch it. Perhaps I will check in with y'all tomorrow!

Sooo...here's the thing

Originally, I had my blog private, as my previous blog was. There are a few certain people who were using the information for their own gains. I'm not certain that one or more of the people who were allowed to view it wasn't one of them, but...either way. I decided to make this blog public. Because, really, I have nothing to hide. I am what I am, and I refuse to make any apologies for that. (Whatever that is, by the way....remember, I'm still figuring that part out)

Ahhhh....ok, so I have yet to journal at night. I really should. This is kinda my journal for the mornings. I've been doing really well with the Bible study, although I wonder if I'm getting what I should out of it. The working out didn't happen yesterday, because I was supposed to help a friend move. So today, back to it! Weight Watchers officially starts tomorrow. They have a whole new program, so I'm trying to figure that out. It's simple, it's just different. I'm excited. I LOVED how I felt when I was on it before. Yesterday I was PMSing, so I got some fries. I felt like a huge grease ball after. Definitely not worth it. But it was a good thing, because it reminded me why I'm doing this. It put a negative spin on french fries that I needed to have in my mind. I intended to upload some pictures yesterday, but, well, that just didn't happen.

We are doing a little experiment. We are shutting off cell phones for a month. We want to see how we survive without them. I was talking to a friend the other day about how 10 years ago, we had bricks that we lugged around. We certainly didn't text. If we wanted someone to know something, we had a conversation! So, we are going without.

So, for those keeping track, we have 6 cats and 3 dogs. The newest cat is named Hali, short for Halligan Bar. Any guesses who came up with that name?

Alright, it's Saturday. Which means there are millions of things that need to be done. Until Monday...

Oh good grief....

So this morning I woke up to the dog vomiting everywhere. I mean, I'll take that over the boy vomiting, but...I'd really much rather wake up to the rooster that hides in my cell phone that usually wakes me up. Could the boy sleep through the excitement? Of course not! This makes 4 mornings this week he's been up since before 5:30. Hide me. No, wait, don't do that...because that means someone, somewhere, will be counting to 10 before they seek.

So, yesterday...I was uber productive. I did day 1 of my Bible study. I jogged, I did arobics. Oh, and I hula hooped. It was all on the Wii, but it's gotta be better than playing Facebook games. And believe me, I was sore. Yay for a big bath tub. I would have walked laps around my yard, but that freezing rain kept me from doing that. (Finally! A reason for freezing rain) I also uploaded some photos and video from my dad's birthday party. See? Productivity. I am awesome. And modest.

Wyatt got his report card. Now, in Kindergarten, the grading system is different. S is Satisfactory, P basically means progressing toward year end goals, and N is Needs Improvement. I am happy to say Wyatt got all S's, except for 2 P's. And those were in Handwriting, which he had N's for last quarter. Go Wyatt!

The job hunt really isn't going anywhere for now. It's so frustrating. I've applied everywhere I can think of. Once I have a job, Randy is moving back to PA.

Which brings me to another point....Even though the separation is a mutual thing, and I'm the one who brought it up, I still have my doubts. It's so hard. But I know my doubts come from the fact that Randy and I really are friends. There's no bitterness, and I truly believe he feels the same way. Plus, I like my life. I like being a housewife and a room mom for Wyatt's class. But those aren't reasons to stay married, right? I just can't see the physical feelings I have for Randy changing at all. I'm completely happy now, when we are in separate bedrooms. But that's not a marriage. And I know that. I don't want Wyatt to think this is what love looks like. I really do wish we could make it work, but I at least know that we've really tried.

Reflection

Congratulations Nick & Lindsey!!!!

I'm sitting here, waiting for more of that stuff to arrive. That cold, wet, nasty stuff. While I'm waiting, I reviewed my blog on my goals for the year. I really haven't made much change :( However, I am trying. I need to be more disciplined. I did start Weight Watchers yesterday. And, I ate exactly what I needed to stay at my target points. I think now it's so easy to follow WW, because there are SO many recipes out there. There's a lot of pre-made food (muffins, TV dinners) so I can follow it at work too. And I don't feel at all deprived. I even had Starbucks this morning! I started my period yesterday, and had the chocolate I was craving. This really is a very easy diet to follow. If I have a recipe, I plug it into the thing-y online, and it tells me how many points I'm using. I can do this!!! Being forced to keep track of what I eat though, taught me something. I knew I snacked on stuff, but I don't think I realized how much until today. When I cleaned up from the kids' lunch, out of habit, I almost popped a handful of goldfish into my mouth. It's not like I was hungry. It's no wonder I put on all this weight. I didn't realize how much I really ate when I was bored. One thing I can say, is WW will help me to keep my goal of cooking more!

I am hereby making a few new goals for myself (To coincide with my New Years Goals)
~Computer use is only for when Wyatt is sleeping or during quiet time. I have neglected Wyatt far too much to be on this machine.
~When I get bored and want to snack, there is plenty of housework I can do. Or when I'm bored and DONT want to snack, there is still housework I can do, or a little boy to play with.
~By this weekend, I want to have my homemaker's notebook put together. Or at least have made some progress with it.

Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time cleaning my bathroom. It felt so good to make that room nice and relaxing. My Valentines Day gift to myself was a bubble bath, complete with a book and candles. Randy didn't get me anything, but that's no surprise. He's still so new to all this stuff. And, really, he let me take that bath. He does so much for me every day, and that's what's important. Not what big thing he can do once a year, but those little daily things are what mean the most. I love you very much, honey!

Ringing in the New Year with some new goals

I know y'all were chomping at the bit to see what my goals are :) Admit it!!!
First though....Some reflections. (Patience, people!)
It truely is amazing what a difference a year makes. This year, I started a lifelong journey with the man I love. Wyatt gained a father who loves him without reserve. I've learned to look inside more for answers rather than depending on others. I became a homeowner!! I became anti-HOA. I've learned to value great friendships, despite differences. I've found out who some of my friends really were. I had to re-think myself. I went from being a dedicated EMT to being a Stay at Home Mom. A job with endless rewards, certainly, but an often thankless one. I found out what it's like to be the patient for once...and also realized how very much my husband loves me in the process. Routine procedures are never routine when it's yourself or your family...a valuable lesson I will take with me if I go back to work. Some people will drop what they are doing to come to your aid...and, no matter what differences you and that person have, that person is a life long friend and should be cherished. I've discovered and re-discovered my Faith. I learned that some people have endless amounts of love inside of them, and no matter how many animals you get, only a child will make you feel as though that love is being given to the right person. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is for a long time. I have to remember that. I'm still realizing that there is no mold that we have to fit into. I can be a Christian woman and still fit in with my old friends. I've realized that sparkle often hides defects...Character is what counts.
I know that all seems jumbled. As I thought it, I typed it.
My goals for 2010
Lose some of this weight.
Spend less time on the computer and more time with my son
Maintain a budget
Work on my homemakers notebook
Embrace being a homemaker.
Start homesteading (Start small...some egg hens)
Respect my husband and all he does more than I do now
Accept whatever my body has in store for me, and realize there is more than one way to love a child.
Practice patience!!!
Cook from scratch more often (This also falls under homesteading and budgeting)
Grow my own tomatoes